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papa waѕ a rollιn' ѕтone

12/07/2018 10:43 PM 

Journal Stuff


I didn't think the world could get
Any weirder than before.
But then he reared his head,
And my body hit the floor.

The tissue in my wound 
Would soon start to latch,
and then the skin would melt
And surely it would graft.

My arm hurts very much,
My head starts to pound. 
The world spins around me,
Around, around, around.

I'm falling down the hole,
Deep, midnight blue. 
I'm grabbing onto the hands
While all they ask is, "who."

It's never quite a question
Never quite a demand,
It seems like 'affirmative?' 
Led by a hand.

Hair whipped  around me,
Funny how it flew.
From the sky to the ocean,
It's all blue, blue, blue...

papa waѕ a rollιn' ѕтone

12/07/2018 10:41 PM 

Journal Stuff

the soft blue haze of the winter air,
gently spilling into my room,
reaching earnestly for the wall,
not quite getting there.

a blue halo on the rim of my cup.
i twist my fingers around the string.
the taste of cinnamon on my tongue.
some warm tea to wake me up.

i pick up my book with the scratchy cover,
ernest hemingway.
i feel the texture,
and know that i am here.
i read what it says,
and listen to the rain fall beyond the glass.
so soft,
so gray.
“the sun also rises”

it slowly gets brighter.

the soft haze reaches further.

it’s currently 8:17 a.m.
my favorite times are really between 
5 and 7:30,
when everyone else is still asleep,
but i enjoy this nonetheless.
i’ve recently delighted in going to bed early,
and waking up as mentioned.
i’ve noticed that i always feel groggy
whenever i sleep in.

these simple things are kind to the soul.
i think i’m starting to find what i enjoy.
in a gentle kind of way,
it’s what makes me feel alive.

i know it sounds cliche,
but it really is just the little moments
that make me feel okay.

a moth just crawled up my window
and flew away.

papa waѕ a rollιn' ѕтone

12/07/2018 10:40 PM 

Journal Stuff

Dark night shines bright;
You illuminate in my sight;
In awe with the beauty that is life;
Tis the seasons shall I strife.

Winter, spring, summer and fall;
Everyday longing to call; 
For the darkness within my soul; 
Shall release me from my woe.

Like Poe said nevermore;
I shall soar;
High in the dark of night;
In depths of despair and fright.

The dark night wilt be within my grasp;
As I look at her as she gasp;
For air and then tis gone;
Her beauty is like a black swan.

Her pale skin glistens bright;
Under the gleaming light;
Of the moon in the starry night;
My love for her tis the same;
And also tis my fault and to blame.

Oh! Dark night don't go away;
I want to be with her never astray;
Her corpse is in awe with nature;
Like Jesus in the manger.

But I must go my love;
The dark night shall be your cove;
I'll be back, my sweet Evangelina;
For my love is endless forevermore.

papa waѕ a rollιn' ѕтone

12/07/2018 10:38 PM 

Journal Stuff

The days seem long. Each day darker than the last. Her mind seems to wander back to him, rather than to her two jobs she should be paying attention too. Yet, all that runs through her mind every second of the day, was how she felt she’d added to the stress on them. The anxiety he causes her with his inability to understand compounds interest to her rise in depression.

Every time she thinks she has it under control, that he's going to change, he goes brings them back to the start, which in turn causes her feelings of inadequacy to burn within her. Frequently she wondered if her feelings mattered to him. Mind clouded over with fog hiding her rational senses, making her feel as if she is stumbling along life – like one of those nightmares of being chased by something unknown. Mania, fear, a sense of failure, all lead her down a dolorous path, her mentality so twisted with doubt. Doubt and fear are a potent mix to a confused mind, fed up with feeling numb, anxiety attacks coupled with emotional breakdowns leads her towards the winding road to self-harm.

Still, even a thunderstorm has to end, to allow the sun a chance to break through. Hope was the one emotion that still valiantly battled on her behalf, small though she was, she could seep through the darkness offering a small guiding light back to the open meadows where the birds twittered.

Her private life seemed to repeat like a stuck record. A macabre game of he-said, she-said! After dinner she tells him she'll leave him if he doesn't pull his weight and work with her as part of a team, for their family. In bed he tells her he loves her that he will at least try. Lights off, and she turns her back, hiding her tears. Again, hope crawls in reminding her of her love for him that, despite all else, still beat strongly in her heart. After the tears have dried she raises her eyes to the ceiling entreating God to help them. Hope seems to pat her on the head and seems to kiss her till she sleeps.

Their future is unknown, but the hope is there.

She will do her best and hope he will too.

papa waѕ a rollιn' ѕтone

12/07/2018 10:35 PM 

Journal Stuff

Memories are just that... Memories
Max had awoken to a pitch black room, clothes and bags scattered everywhere as if they were leaves falling off a tree in autumn. The brunette had awoken from yet another nightmare, she was practically trembling from how terrifying her nightmare was. The 'Dark Room', loosing Chloe. Chloe. That punk rock rebel always seemed to have crossed her mind, no matter how hard she must have tried to get the rebel's name out of her mind. The truth was, Max always had some form of romantic feelings towards Chloe. Her feelings for that rebellious blue haired became so strong recently that it had a partial influence on her choice to sacrifice Arcadia Bay.

Arcadia Bay...

Now the feeling of guilt had rushed over her body at the thought of this. She felt like she had taken the reminder of Chloe's family away from her. At the very thought of this, tears had started to gradually rush down her face. As a result of this, Max had often considered rewinding and attempt to look for a route which might save both the town and her best friend, no, her crush. As much as she would have hated to admit, she was sort of glad of the decision that she made, after all, she was with the person she loved, no, loves.

After having a train ride amount of thoughts rushing through her head, Max quietly got off the bed; as she didn't wish to wake up Chloe. Not yet anyway. After Arcadia Bay became just a pile of ruins, the hipster and the punk rock rebel agreed that it would be best if they went to Seattle. This meant that Max was able to see her parents again. Of course, Max felt guilty about this; it was pretty obvious since she suggested against it at the time when they were on their way. Chloe, being the kind that preferred to not be pushed around, told Max that it would benefit her to see her parents again. Once they had arrived at Max's house, her parents were rather welcoming, like they usually were. The strange thing about this, however, was the look in her mother's eye; Max couldn't debate whether that was the look of disappointment or disapproval towards Chloe. Either way, Max knew all too well that it couldn't be anything good.

Once she had successfully gotten out of her own room, she made her way towards the kitchen, grabbing some form of snack, followed by opening the door to her garden, crossing the other side of the doorframe, then closing it. Afterwards, she sat at a bench, the cool air gently stroking her body, causing Max to shiver due to the cold. She watched the faded stars in the night sky. It was a pity really, for the stars to be barely visible in the night sky. Then again, nice things can't always just appear in life, stars were no exception to this principle. Max simply continued to stare at the night sky as she thought about all the people she had lost, who had made their contributions to her life. Kate and Warren. Chloe's parents. More tears had started to form in her eyes as she carried on thinking about such topic.

"Ah... There you are Max..." A familiar voice called for her, in a calm and soft tone. At the moment that Max heard the voice, her heart began beating faster, with her train of thoughts. The owner of the voice was none other than the blue haired punk herself, Chloe. Chloe, oh Chloe. Max had to admit, her best friend was hot, but for obvious reasons, she wouldn't admit it.  All she could do is blush a bright red at that thought, and all in front of Chloe. The two had locked eyes, staring at each other with a wave worth of thoughts stimulating in their heads. After what felt like they had been there forever, but was only a few minutes, the two tried to think of what to say. This resulted in a rather awkward silence.

"Yeah...I just had another nightmare," Max informed, while pausing for a short moment, debating whether she should have told her the truth or not, well, it was too late now, "And I didn't want to wake you up so I got up and walked out here by myself-" she finished, at a fast pace, which made her sound as if she was nervous. 'Damn it Max, calm yourself' she thought to herself, once she had realised that she might have spoken a bit too quickly. Chloe didn't even question the speed at which Max spoke, instead, she was worried at the fact that her best friend sounded really nervous. She knew that Max had these nightmares for a while, to which was responded with her simply waking Chloe up at night, asking her to keep her in company; the only thing that Chloe could really do was pull Max into an embrace, to which the hipster did the same, but had buried her face underneath the punk's chin, until she fell asleep again. Of course Chloe didn't mind, after all, she had developed romantic feelings towards Max. She had to admit, seeing Max blush like this was adorable to her, but for obvious reasons, she wouldn't admit it.

"*sigh* Max," Chloe simply spoke, being kind of annoyed at how stubborn Max can be sometimes, "I really don't mind you waking me up, it's the least I can do after you saving my ass so many times." she finished, being sincere about what she had said. She felt bad for the hipster, she had to save her ass so many times. Chloe knew Max's experience in the 'Dark Room'. Of course, she was glad that that one f***ed up psycho got what he deserved. For killing Rachel Amber, her 'angel', definitely. The punk's facial expression had changed from a smirk to a face of worry. Hesitantly, she sat next to Max at the bench, watching the clouded night sky with her.

The duo just sat there in silence, watching the stars as if it was some very good TV show. Max had attempted to keep the tears from dripping, as well as from crying. However, at this point, she couldn't take it anymore, and so she let her tears drip down her cheeks and started crying.

"I just feel so guilty! You're parents got killed because of me! The storm happened because of me! All of this is my fault!" Max revealed, with a sort of loud tone, as she began crying. The blue haired looked at the brunette with sympathy. 'Of course you'd feel hella guilty, especially if you have no reason to be' Chloe thought to herself, as she watched her best friend, no, crush, cry, being unsure of what to do. So, Chloe simply hugged the brunette, who simply hugged back as a response, while crying her eyes out.

"You never asked for the powers you have, did you? And stop blaming yourself for the sh*t that went down back there!" The punk responded, in a calm tone, while gently stroking the hipster's back, as a way  of comfort. Max simply shook her head, still feeling guilty about killing thousands of people, especially since the majority of them didn't deserve to die. Not at all.

"I know Chloe... But I still chose to let those thousands of people die! They didn't deserve it! They didn't deserve any of that sh*t!" Max stated, all through her tears and cries. Chloe just continued to comfort her,  having nothing else to say. She wasn't trying to say that the hipster had a point, not at all.

After a some what amount of time of tears and hugging, Max had eventually calmed down, having no more tears to shed. At that moment, the brunette had realised that she had forgotten to take the vintage camera with her. 'Are you cereal right now?' she thought to herself, as the small feeling of anger took over after the realisation. As if on cue, Chloe gave Max the camera. The punk knew the hipster all too well. Max took the camera, nodding as a way of thanking her, then took a photograph of the night sky. This was her way of remembering each moment, as each moment was rather valuable to her. Chloe just watched the brunette take the photograph, admiring her skill. It isn't that she can't be passionate about something, she just generally doesn't want to.

"Can... We go back now?" Max asks quietly, barely audible, however Chloe had heard what the brunette had asked.

"Am I forcing to stay in this sh*tty weather?" The blue haired responds, sounding rather sarcastic. She didn't mean her statement to sound sarcastic, that was completely unintentional. The brunette knew that, to which she simply shrugged it off, got up, held the rebel's hand, and started making their way towards the door. Chloe could feel her face heat up slowly at such actions. Afterwards, Max had opened the garden doors, and walked inside, while Chloe closed the door behind them.

They had returned to the pitch black room, which was the time where Max had eventually let go of Chloe's hand, while the flustered blue haired just stared at the brunette. She was surprised to say the least. The hipster then turned on the lamp, to which it resulted in the room in being pitch black no more. The pair stood in silence for a moment, letting their own train of thoughts do their thing.

"I'm sorry that I had done that..." Max apologies. That was another thing that annoyed Chloe sometimes, hearing the brunette apologising, often for no reason.

"You don't need to apologise Max..." The blue haired replied, pausing for a short moment as she attempted to phrase the next part, "Sure... It had surprised me, but seriously don't apologise for bullsh*t like that..." Chloe finished, noticing at Max was staring at her, which caused her to blush a darker shade of red. Seconds later, the brunette had came back to reality and blushed a crimson red, feeling ashamed for doing what she had done.

"I'm so so so so sor-" Max was about to apologise yet again when all of the sudden she felt a soft pair of lips on her own. This had surprised her the most; that the Chloe Price had kissed her. Without thinking, Max kissed back. That kiss. If the hipster could, she would have goddamn taken a photo of that and kept it to herself. After the kiss had ended, the two just stood there in silence. Silence. The thing that most people hate. Especially after situations like these.

"Why..." Max asked, but she regretted immediately, as Chloe looked at her as if she just asked a question that was so dumb that made her brain cells commit suicide.

"Because I... I... L-love you dumb ass!" Chloe replies, stuttering while doing so. That also surprised Max.

"I... I... Love you too." Max informed Chloe, kissing her again. It would be a legit lie if she said that she didn't enjoy the kiss. Oh goddamn she did enjoy it, but of course, that's something that she won't admit. If she did, she wouldn't be able to live it down.

The brunette began to yawn, feeling the exhaustion rushing across her entire body, to which she simply went back to bed, going underneath the covers. Chloe mimicked Max, while hugging her.

"Remember Max, memories are just that... Memories." Chloe told her, with a calm tone and a reassuring smile. Max smiled at hearing this statement, it had reassured her to not worry to much about what had happened in the past. After all, the past is the past. It is true that she can alter the past, but doing so led her to altering the present and the future. And that's the last thing that she wanted to do right now. She learnt that lesson the hard way, by causing a storm and choosing to kill off thousands of people just to save Chloe. Of course she had felt guilty after doing so. However, as long as she had her blue haired rebel by her side, she can get through all of that and move forwards.

And just like that, these sweet lovebirds had sleep take over them, falling into a deep slumber.

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