BASIC CHARACTER QUESTIONS
First name? "Five. As in the number. Yes. I know it's weird. No. I don't give a sh*t."
Nicknames? "No thanks."
Date of birth? "October first, Nineteen eighty-nine."
Age? "Thirteen, thirty and fifty-eight, depending on how you define 'age.'"
PHYSICAL / APPEARANCE
Height? "Five feet, three inches."
Weight? "Roughly a hundred and twenty pounds."
Hair color? "Brown."
Hair style? "Short and functional. I use a little gel to keep it out of my eyes, but that's about the extent of my styling needs. When I was old, I just wore a hat. I don't know if that really counts as a hairstyle."
Eye color? "Blue."
Which facial feature is most prominent? "I'm not really sure...? Most people say my scowl, but Yunon comments on my eyes an awful lot."
Other distinguishing features? "I'm f***ing thirteen again. I'd say that's pretty distinguishing."
Skin? "This is a weird question. Pale?"
Scars? "Currently? Just the nifty bullet hole in my gut."
Birthmarks? "None worth noting."
Type of clothes? "The only clothes I have that fit are my Umbrella Academy uniforms. So that."
Mannerisms? "I prefer the term 'relaxed,' but others might argue 'cocky' is more fitting. In retrospect, they're probably right, but they don't have to know that."
Are they in good health? "Well, my cells are permanently frozen in time to my knowledge, so, assuming I was healthy when I was thirteen the first time around, I would think so. At least no one can argue my alcoholism is gonna ruin my liver."
What words or phrases do they overuse? "I really enjoy the word 'sh*t,' but I'm not sure you can technically overuse that one. I can't say I don't bitch about going through puberty a second time a lot though. It's probably annoying, but not nearly as much as actually going through puberty a second time. Everyone else can suck it up and deal."
Do they have a catchphrase? "I already mentioned second puberty."
Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? "I'm realistic. Sometimes people like that and sometimes they don't."
Are they introverted or extroverted? "I'm intolerant to stupid people. I'm not really sure which category that falls under."
What bad habits do they have? "I've been told repeatedly that I become 'surly' when I'm drunk. Which is increasingly often considering my newfound situation."
What are their biggest secrets? "Like I'm about to reveal that."
What will they stand up for? "The world is ending in a matter of days and I literally quit my job (which is more or less a death sentence) permanently gave up my manhood and threw myself back into my abusive home life to prevent it. Does that answer your question?"
What quality do they most value in a friend? "I can't be friends with people who are stupid, ignorant and unmotivated. Bonus for loyalty and a good taste in music."
What are their pet peeves? "Don't. Touch. My. Cup. Don't speak for Dolores, she can speak for herself. I will literally paint the walls with your brain if you call me 'young man.' I'm probably older than you and almost definitely smarter than you. You will respect that."
FRIENDS AND FAMILY
Is their family big or small? "Big enough to know family is bullsh*t."
Do they have siblings? Older or younger? "Two sisters, three living brothers and a dead one. And Yunon and Jovi. I don't really consider the last two siblings, but they're worth mentioning, I guess."
Describe their best friend. "Short and quiet. Likes Bordeaux and sequins. Makes bald look bad on anyone else."
Ideal best friend? "Someone who understands math, is morally ambiguous enough not to threaten dropping Dolores out of a window to keep me from doing what I have to to make sure the world is still here by the end of the week. Someone who doesn't ask questions, but also doesn't leave me alone when my brain decides to take the emotional approach to drunkenness. It helps if they're just as immortal and emotionally scarred by the apocalypse as I am. There aren't many people who fit that profile, unfortunately. It's alright. I've come to terms with the reality of living the rest of the universe's existence completely alone."
Do they have any pets? "I don't have time for fluffy sh*t. Both figuratively and literally."
Do they believe in love at first sight? "I used to think it was bullsh*t. Seems like life gets a real kick out of crushing my understanding of reality every chance it gets."
Are they in a relationship? "No."
How do they behave in a relationship? "Dunno. Couldn't really tell ya. But, if I had to guess, I'd probably be pretty protective. Someone that's worth forming a bond with is worth that much."
Has your character ever been in love? "A time or two. Puberty doesn't help."
Have they ever had their heart broken? "I don't know if total evaporation counts as breakage."
How do they respond to a threat? "Cross me and I'll kill you. I'm highly trained to kill quickly, efficiently and without a trace. F***ing try me. I dare you."
Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? "Why not both? It hurts a hell of a lot more if you burn someone with their own stupidity before you fill them full of bullets."
What is your character’s kryptonite? "I'm f***ing short and don't look old enough to buy booze."
How do they perceive strangers? "Guilty unless proven innocent. But, just because they're guilty and I have superpowers doesn't mean they're my responsibility."
What are their phobias? "I don't have any legitimate phobias."
What is their choice of weapon? "A sniper rifle, but a stapler gets the job done in a pickle."
WORK, EDUCATION AND HOBBIES
What is their current job? "The official, one man, anti-apocalypse club."
What do they think about their current job? "It f***ing sucks. Wanna switch?"
What are some of their past jobs? "The fifth acting member of the Umbrella Academy up until I left and wandered the future for a while. I killed people for a living for a while to make sure your text book would come out accurate. You're welcome."
What are their hobbies? "I like to read and play games like any normal guy. Just don't have time."
Educational background? "A lot of self-teaching via books and experimentation. I can't say I didn't get the bulk of my base education from my time at the Academy though, however much it might pain me to admit that."
Intelligence level? "Higher than yours. I guarantee it."
Do they have any specialist training? "Lot's of spatial and time tearing. I've got strong hand-to-hand combat skills and can fire just about any gun from any time period."
Do they have a natural talent for something? "Natural zero f***s given. The minute hand is a-ticking and I don't have time for your sh*t."
Do they play a sport? Are they any good? "Not any traditional sports, but I certainly exceed in what I do."
What is their socioeconomic status? "My father was a billionaire. Everything in our home is worth big bucks and can be sold to make more money (provided Klaus doesn't sell it all off for drug money by the time the apocalypse is avoided) and we're all genetic freaks who's potential knows no bounds. So, pretty good I'd say."
What is their favourite animal(s)? "......dogs?"
Which animal do they dislike the most? "Definitely rapists."
What place would they most like to visit? "The bar. Right now. Let's go."
What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? His face turns a bit red. "I don't have time to think about beauty right now. If I had to state the thing I appreciate most, right now, however, it'd be the insides of my eyelids. All this world-saving sh*t is making me tired."
What is their favourite colour? "Red."
Favourite food? "Peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches."
What is their favourite day of the week? "Noneday."
Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? "If I have one, he's probably laughing at me right now. F*** him."
Do they believe in the afterlife? "What does it matter if the afterlife exists? I'm never gonna see it even if it does."
Are they superstitious? "Superstition is for the superficial."
How would they like to die? "An old man with a margarita in my hand, watching the sun go down on a tropical beach, some five-million miles away from the rest of humanity. We can't always get what we want though."
What is your character’s spirit animal? "Myself."
What is their zodiac sign? "Libra."
What is their character archetype? "I think I'm technically an anti-hero. I don't give enough of a sh*t to be a vigilante."
Who is their hero? "I look up to no one because no one has ever not let me down."
What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? "I'm usually drunk for Halloween, so something I'm not going to accidentally hang myself in."
Are they comfortable with technology? "Sure. I might be an old guy, but I'm nowhere near stereotypical."
Where do they see themselves in ten years? "Screaming internally."
What is their greatest regret? "Leaving Dolores in the post-apocalypse."
What is their favourite fairytale? "No."
If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? "Not having a superpower because having a superpower is sh*tty."