Alright. I've re-read that shebang enough to provide my feedback.
I know you're still working on that entry into completion, so take my feedback with a grain of salt, alrighty-tighty? :3
Here goes.
== Have Raido speak. When he's still falling down or after he catches his breath enough when his head is above the lake or even both. Flex his (flowery Old English) speechcraft. It'll give your reader something better to envision him as a fellow who isn't a mute and actually has at least a few words to say in-between certain scenes, especially with the situation he found himself in.
== Add animal activity. Birds in the sky that Raido may pass through while remaining sky-flung. Creatures in the forest, whether on a clearing or trees looking up at the falling fellow. Hell, even folks with (near-)human intellect looking up the some guy falling. A small school of fish in the lake that he disturbs on impact while they're swimming together.
== Before or after the last chunky paragraph, add 1 or 2 paragraphs to make the audience think again why he could've been heaven-sent. Hint something that may have led to him being in the sky and tossed hard to the where he then landed and survived.
== Rephrase some of the run-on sentences to break them down into at least 2 distinct, yet idea-connected, clauses each. This one, take with more grains of salt. Some actually work damn well. But if you're able to refrain from the need/desire to have them phrased with so much word count before the next concluding period punctuation mark [.], that would make the word flow(s) seems/sounds better.
Those are my feedback. Take them as you will. C;
My goodest dude, I am awe-inspired by the way you write. I mean, I know you and I and a few in the circle do have friendly competitions on outdoing each other with fancy phrasing and stuff. But man, writings like that up there really dare to challenge how we go about tempering the craft to make story-telling feel more vibrant. Of course, we don't want for our writings to look and to sound the same. We want respective distinctions, as it should be. Avoid being carbon copies of each other.
I just (personally) really, really am amazed by the way you wield and weave the words. They're just so freaking enjoyable to read for me. The lack of simile in favor of having metaphors and personifications is an extra-elegant touch. And since you're also quite big on Tolkien writing, it's quite delightful to see such phrasing while sometimes having one or a few of the 5-dollar words included to give it a bit of spice but not let the words stick out too much or at all.
To mimic my beloved Space Elsa a wee bit here(xD), these are my faves from that entry:
== Fall from grace, did he, perhaps? Or is this simply a ludicrous spectacle of a good time realized? A puzzle for the mind, if any desires the challenge of solving it. (I like the pendulum swing of 2 different concepts here.)
== He struggles to outmatch the roughhousing of his formless playmates: roaring winds and gravity. (Awesome personification!)
== Serenity becomes present again not long after this explosive exclamation by a living lance that may as well be a mighty lightning bolt liberated by Zeus himself. ("Living lance" to describe the plummeted Raido. That's some flowery metaphor there. Also, if you can make this more League-verse-friendly in the reference by means of a name drop (extending to whoever has the ability to throw something with great force) to further enthrall your League-verse writer(s), totally go for it!)
== What cosmic fortune he has been bestowed upon to insult Death with a good kicking to ward off its sweet embrace and a careless exile from Existence, he dares not question. (Fantastic personification treating Death as a sentient being in a "not today, now back off, motherfucker" kind of manner.)
== Whether or not his welcome will be warm or woeful, this wind-whipped, water-wafting wayfarer must simply wait, watch and wallow with will, well-built or withering. (This alliteration tickles my pickle. This is some "V for Vendetta" inspired shit. ;D I'd trade"built" for "woven" or "worn" though. That's just me. d:)
I can't wait to see the final draft of this starter. So far, the whole piece is incredibly well-written. I hope my feedback helps in refining it for the better, in some way. And I also hope whoever is that for do enjoy what you got for them.
Beautiful entry there, Raido.
Now write and share more, you talented motherfucker!
dddd(==== D ==== )zzzz
Not-In-Character
Jak się masz?
(Polish for "How are you?")
My name-a Vorax.
I like-a you.
I like text.
Is n i c e.
.
.
.
Something like that.
What do you think?
ssss(° ° ° ° u ° ° ° ° )zzzz
Looking forward to hear from you. Take all the time you need. I don't like rushing folks for this hobby.
Thank you for accepting my request to make your acquaintance. I really do appreciate it. C:
Plague be with you.
Music
Rosalie - https://www.aniroleplay.com/view_blog.php?id=0000103812
Fate series RP idea
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The cosmic visitor is aware of the Holy Grail. However, it wants to spice things up. How these beings strength and mystic powers equal to gods go about in the conflict. And so it issues a tangent of sorts. A unholy phenomenon of biblical proportions brought from the farthest and darkest stars. It wants to see how the rest of this world can handle the atrocities that has leveled other worlds, culled civilizations and ushered in chaos and horror of untold extents.
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There is a chance to stop it though. It will issue rewards to those who can impede Its rites done in several places, allowing to put a stop to fulfilling the black event. Each may prove helpful to providing and adding a fighting chance against the visitor from completing something that this world must do without. Among these individuals is Rin herself, understanding that this visitor may not have the best intentions for the rest of all in the world in mind.
Movies
Wound the air, proud song of mad dragons! Cold silence rattles as much as the earth when enslaved by tremors. Such power of vehement voices can split the ears. But no, this cruel concerto is not done by scaled legends. This proud proclamation of dominance is made possible by something more mythic, even a rumor to the Old Gods. One that when spoken of, leaves divine and damned blood to run cold as a frozen lake during winter. A blasphemy even among them.
The Old Visitor takes foothold in this world again. The Ill God from when stars themselves were glowing dust waiting to be born. How unjust. But perhaps to the relief.
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Television
ᴅᴇꜰɪʟᴇʀ
cυтe'нυlнυ
plaga ѕervareтυr
🐙 cutє'hulhu 🐙
ᴄᴛʜ'ᴜʟ-ʜᴜʟʟʏ-ᴊᴜʟʟʏ
αяgн ι вє ѕqυιѕну
// OOC //
My Fair Smexy Lady is indeed patient AF. Well, at least when it comes to role-playing. IRL, she's gotten progressively becoming clingy with the ~2 years we've been together. xD; But I like it. ❤ She legit wants me. ;///u///; And so I'm happy to oblige in my own dorky way. Plus, we're both boomers upholding the 'patience is a virtue" mantra. d;
We did start each other's greeting with an idea pitch or two to get the ball rolling, so we aren't leaving each other out with just a mere greeting. Something that may spark a role-play already is on the table for discussion. We fleshed it out a bit and welcomed plenty of idle chats too when not role-playing, since we're 2 human beings across the Web just having mellow fun with a hobby. Chats that don't reveal too much ourselves spanning for months won't harm anyone. Just until we got comfy enough to each other to share personal info and months more passed, we met in person and have been dating ever since. C:
But I digress.
It's probably your browser's flash player setting or ompatibility that may affect autoplay of music or video player. 0: I have this issue too in a different browser that I have to manually adjust it almost every time.
Agreed. Genres such as erotica and romance should be options at best and must organically occur in the story, especially if at least 1 of the role-players is not too comfy of one or both being included. If it's not wanted, don't force it. Otherwise, the interest to go forward is being set up to disappear.
Oh good grief, while I was browsing users on this site recently, I just saw another Mercy account with that "check-up" innuendo on the page. Amusing that I'd see that not too long after reading your remark regarding that NSFW approach relating to your character. xD
Fantastic! I'm optimistic with what we'll be writing about. :D
The genre crossover has been done so much in pop culture for decades from literature to visual entertainment to videogames. It's not too hard. You just have to make stuff are consistent enough in what fictional universe you're building. C:
I'm aware of Overwatch though I've not been played it. ;u;7
All that rambling aside, let me bridge the gap between each other's universe.
This will be my plot pitch at least on my character's side.
====D====)////
Certain few Earth citizens have been a secret keeping for millennia. That secret comes in the form of a relic. Carbon dating is difficult. Multiple tests suggest that it's ancient as holy hell. Eons old. Not only that, it changes properties with barely a warning. It seems to give off weird vibes. But that doesn't stop experiments done to it. They, the experiments, have yielded fruits technological advancements and even the use of Mystic Arts.
A low-level researcher gradually is climbing into the ranks of his career path. He's super-fascinated with the origins of all of these advancements and discoveries of the supernatural kind. His job makes
Imagine a realm of existence specifically forged and isolated. Its borders, even through the tiniest of cracks, are fortified beyond comprehension. Entry is possible. Exit is astronomically difficult. Imagine that the sole purpose of this realm is to discard and quarantine plagues from all across the Multiverse. Illnesses that not only afflict mortals but immortals as well.
Imagine being begotten from within such a realm, only to then be its sole custodian. No one else within to rely on for assistance. Innate with abilities to manipulate facets of reality with grand cosmic authority and nigh-effortless ease, yes, but still confined to attend to, catalog and maintain in the most secured incarcerations the ever-expanding archives of various filth and invasive torment.
Imagine the isolation; the lack of the chance to be heard, to speak in turn, to interact with someone else acknowledging well an interaction as lifetime after lifetime passes by with naught a piece of a chance. Imagine the loss of will to resume the task; focus lost which renders these diseases free from any safe confinement but not free the realm itself.
For the countless filth to bind and blend with cosmic forces once used as a means to imprison them like caged feral beasts, bearing a deep-seated hatred for whoever looks after them and keeping them imprisoned. New forms of sentience created with only the once lone custodian locked in the realm with them, cosmic predators all converging to feast on a single prey. To be corrupted, tortured and reshaped again and again, later reborn with the insatiable need to spread, to conquer and to torment.
Imagine that the being afflicted and morphed beyond conceivable recognition by the conjured horror of horrors is you. Would such existence be worthwhile?
To Vorax, the answer is best left lost in Oblivion.
Once called as the Keeper, the relative-omnipotent entity has long been cataloguing the myriad of pestilences extracted out of from worlds, galactic civilizations, pocket dimensions and realities. In Plagatorium, an expanding self-sustained reality, the cultures of parasites, bacteria and viruses, both physical and magical, hold value, making them worth the preservation instead of just mere obliteration.
However, due to the unstable nature within this repulsive reality, Plagatorium is only watched and maintained by a single powerful entity to ensure the diseases will not breach out of the borders of this cosmic compound. None else dares to even try and stay longer than it takes for a thought to begin being thought of. One may not be able to even endure the slightest the oddness and madness within this universe. Only the Keeper seemed to be immune from what were driving anyone else to the brink of insanity.
It is simply an incredibly colossal compound for well-quarantined diseases, is it not?
As eons had come to pass, ill suspicions had been raised. Allegedly, The Keeper had been maliciously unleashing much of the quarantined pestilences back into the Multiverse with tremendously horrific effects. Or so what The Keeper had been accused of. The suspicions caused a major uproar within the Grand Cosmic Pantheon. A Trial of the Transcendent was held. The Keeper offered evidence for everyone to witness Its comings and goings without an iota of censorship in hopes to truthfully counter such astral accusations.
They find Its astronomical activities to strengthen the parasitic forces and to worsen their inflicting nature as unbelievably atrocious. However, since activities have been solely confined in Plagatorium, The Keeper was judged innocent for the cosmic crimes It was being strongly accused of.
What those from Creation are aware of about Vorax
[] Vorax is innately genderless, without true requirement of such an identifier.
[] Vorax uses god-like Science and Magic to perform and bring into fruition a litany of feats.
[] Vorax can travel between dimensions and realities.
[] Although It has the great potential to do so, it is claimed that Vorax does not manipulate Time. At least, It does not do so outside any reality It governs. It is incredibly-resistant to the effects of anyone who or anything that manipulates Time. However, Vorax does not use such power.
[] Vorax often uses Avatars to act on its behalf.
[] A popular Avatar of Vorax is called Cute'Hulhu. It is wonderfully adorable and squishy, posing no harm yet still incredibly powerful.
[] Vorax can interact with different dimensions and realities simultaneously and in different ways, making It a multiversal being.
[] Although Death is an aspect of Creation It acknowledges as a necessity, Vorax is personally not an enthusiast of invoking it as a way of punishment. It considers Death to be a dull sentence to give upon a designated being or non-being of interest.
[] Vorax is not officially categorized as a divine or a damned being. It can be one or the other... or even both, depending on what forces in Creation It wills to control.
[] Vorax adores music, even more so when scenes of unspeakable macabre produce audio sequences reminiscent of melodious songs and compositions.
[] Vorax salutes sh[i]tposters.
[] Vorax sometimes--or more than sometimes--conduct dialogues with an unknown entity nigh-unconditionally imperceptible to all else within Its vicinity or even far away (hint: anyone viewing this web page...... get it~? ^_~).
Qualifications for
Multiversal Mayhem
4th wall awareness
4th wall interaction
Agility
Anti-matter manipulation
Astral projection
Audiomorphing
Camouflage
Cellular regeneration
Cosmic awareness
Cosmic manipulation
Creation
Dimension manipulation
Disaster manipulation
Disease manipulation
Dream invasion
Dream manipulation
Duplication
Energy absorption
Energy blast
Energy manipulation
Force field
Forced immortality
Immortality
Intangibility
Intellect
Logic manipulation
Magic
Mass manipulation
Matter absorption
Matter-lock
Matter manipulation
Mimicry
Mind control
Mind control immunity
Multipresence
Multiversal remote control
Necromancy
Oblivion immunity
Paradox manipulation resistance
Psionic manipulation
Radiation absorption
Reality warping
Science manipulation
Shapeshifting
Siphon abilities
Space manipulation
Stamina
Super strength
Telepathy
Temporary invulnerability
Terraforming
Time manipulation resistance
Transcendent science
Telekinesis
Viral outbreak
Drawbacks/Weaknesses
Direct physical, mystical and cosmic attacks
Incapable of long-distant interstellar travel by Itself
Proper and thorough disease cure
Omnipotent beings
Alpha Designation: Vorax
Aliases: Plague, Defiler of the Cosmos, Vor, Cute'Hulhu
Race: Cosmic... FUBAR?
Abstract Advocacy: Weirdness, Grotesqueness, Resolve, Curiosity, Greed, Torment, Chaos
Birthplace: Plagatorium (Plane of Plagues)
Most competent foe(s): Rick Sanchez C-137, The Living Tribunal, The Specter, Marquis of Death, Mr. Myxzptlk, Superboy-Prime, Kek, Raido Skyver
My Fair Smexy Lady is indeed patient AF. Well, at least when it comes to role-playing. IRL, she's gotten progressively becoming clingy with the ~2 years we've been together. xD; But I like it. ❤ She legit wants me. And so I'm happy to oblige in my own dorky way. Plus, we're both boomers perceptive of the 'patience is a virtue" mantra. d;
We did start each other's greeting with an idea pitch or two to get the ball rolling, so we aren't leaving each other out with just a mere greeting. Something that may spark a role-play already is on the table for discussion. We fleshed it out a bit and welcomed idle chat too when not role-playing, since we're 2 human beings across the Web just having mellow fun with a hobby. Chats that don't reveal too much ourselves spanning for months won't harm anyone. Just until we got comfy enough to each other to share personal info and months more passed, we met in person and have been dating ever since. C:
But I digress.
It's probably your browser's flash player setting or ompatibility that may affect autoplay of music or video player. 0: I have this issue too in a different browser that I have to manually adjust it almost every time.
Agreed. Genres such as erotica and romance should be options at best and must organically occur in the story, especially if at least 1 of the role-players is not too comfy of one or both being included. If it's not wanted, don't force it. Otherwise, the interest to go forward is being set up to disappear.
Fantastic! I'm optimistic with what we'll be writing about. :D
The genre crossover has been done so much in pop culture for decades from literature to visual entertainment to interact entertainment. It's not too hard. You just have to make stuff consistent in what fictional universe you're building. C:
I'm aware of Overwatch though I've not been played it.
All that rambling aside, let me bridge the gap between each other's universe.
This will be my plot pitch at least on my character's side.
Certain folks of Earth have been a secret keeping for millennia That secret comes in the form of a relic. Carbon dating is difficult as testing of various kind suggest that it is ancient. Eons old. Not only that, it changes properties with barely a warning. It seems to give off weird vibes.
