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01/06/2022 03:45 PM 

Sorry Sir Bel: Don't see? Plus riddles!
Current mood:  adored

The wolf stood in front of Bel with a banisher blade focused and not even a hesitation in sight. But the beast mask start to weep and cry underneath. I will defend this homeland if I must. Bel put his long claws in front of me blocking me from my demise while the enchanted charm I made him dangled from his wrist. Why is your resolve so strong dear child of disaster o is this your resolve? He pushed me back as I turned my beast slits pitch black getting quite pissed as always do. I titled my beast mask to the side opening the beast slits wider. So Bel what it told you if my calculation was a self sacrifice if your survival rate was the highest outcome? He shook his head at me. A ticking bomb you’re dear child. He patted my head and took the sword away from me. You see child you can never be in the forefront you can’t handle so many raining bullets “eating you alive” but what is amusing to me you suffer so much yet you care for morals? I guess in the end the bestial heart is motherly after all. But one day this will be the end. Your eyes have so much fire and desire of your ideals and your beliefs that you forget what is really underneath the beast mask so you defend yourself as things were your last. You never were to be a fighter Bel looked at me quite with a half smirk and looked at me with a piercing glare with his silver swirled eyes. Just like I thought this would be last when you jumped on my dining table ready to lunge as you thought I was being threatened. I see you’re a ticking bomb. You can’t be stirred or shaken to much. That’s alright dear one. I still think highly of you. As I never thought a beast like you could cry underneath the beast mask.Here are some riddles I would like for you to solve :DMy heart soared in Jupiter. My mind is Saturn.My home is Neptune.And one last riddle and onto my profile: Where would you find me in Skyrim? Give me an answer why you picked that as your response lol.


01/06/2022 03:45 PM 

Sorry Sir Bel: Don't see? Plus riddles!
Current mood:  adored

The wolf stood in front of Bel with a banisher blade focused and not even a hesitation in sight. But the beast mask start to weep and cry underneath. I will defend this homeland if I must. Bel put his long claws in front of me blocking me from my demise while the enchanted charm I made him dangled from his wrist. Why is your resolve so strong dear child of disaster o is this your resolve? He pushed me back as I turned my beast slits pitch black getting quite pissed as always do. I titled my beast mask to the side opening the beast slits wider. So Bel what it told you if my calculation was a self sacrifice if your survival rate was the highest outcome? He shook his head at me. A ticking bomb you’re dear child. He patted my head and took the sword away from me. You see child you can never be in the forefront you can’t handle so many raining bullets “eating you alive” but what is amusing to me you suffer so much yet you care for morals? I guess in the end the bestial heart is motherly after all. But one day this will be the end. Your eyes have so much fire and desire of your ideals and your beliefs that you forget what is really underneath the beast mask so you defend yourself as things were your last. You never were to be a fighter Bel looked at me quite with a half smirk and looked at me with a piercing glare with his silver swirled eyes. Just like I thought this would be last when you jumped on my dining table ready to lunge as you thought I was being threatened. I see you’re a ticking bomb. You can’t be stirred or shaken to much. That’s alright dear one. I still think highly of you. As I never thought a beast like you could cry underneath the beast mask.Here are some riddles I would like for you to solve :DMy heart soared in Jupiter. My mind is Saturn.My home is Neptune.And one last riddle and onto my profile: Where would you find me in Skyrim? Give me an answer why you picked that as your response lol. 

β„™π• π•π•šπ•”π•– π”»π• π•˜π•˜π• 

01/07/2022 04:28 PM 

>>The Rules!<<

Alright. I've been to this site before. I know how things work around here. Just read the rules and you get to keep your kneecaps.   ==========   1 -  If you add me, you talk. If I add you, I talk. We've been through this, you should know how it works by now.   2 - Literate writers please. I will try to write at least half a paragraph. (3 sentences.), 3rd person only, too. One liners give me nothing to work with, and I hate those. The Roleplay will get boring really quick, I tell ya.   3 - Do not send me a starter right off the bat. I will not respond to it. I like to plan at least a little bit before I start roleplaying. So if you just throw me into it, don't expect me to take it seriously.  I know there's some people in here who do that, and they're actually pretty chill, you know who you are, but a good few of the people in here are pushy and can't take a hint.   4 - Do not control my character's actions or anything of the sort. It's my character, I write them, I know them better than you, so they will react the way I want them to.    5 - Some common sense is appreciated.  Because, some people in here have been dropped on their head as children, multiple times.  When I say no. Or when I say I'm uncomfortable with something. I mean it. So if you don't cut it out. I'll probably just block you.    6 - And last but not least. It's not exactly a rule, but something you should be aware of. I'm not a Judgy person, alright.  You can be whatever you want, I don't care. Just don't be an idiot and accept that I may have a different opinion than yours, some people in here like to throw a tantrum when they're denied of what they want.  I don't want to have a problem with you all. I want to have fun.   ==========   Welp. This was not so bad. If anyone actually reads this, tell me what your favorite YouTuber is. Just so I know that you actually read those, and didn't actually go away by the 4th or 5th rule, heh.  Mine is Markyjoe1990 by the way. What's yours?


01/07/2022 02:44 PM 


Yes, I'm writing him lore accurate.Yes he will kill, beat and just about defeat literally ANY AND EVERYTHING in 1 punch, regardless of any sorta hacks or enhancements your character has.That said, I will still indulge in courtship with trad fight rp stuff and even have "dream Saitama" as a stand in where he takes like 1 punch to kill things but isn't as nightmarishly durable as he normally is, i.e he can actually bleed. Not really here to smut but if you're offering I'll take it I guess.No minors. Saitama is a grown ass man as is the person writing him.I love banter, in fact I kinda prefer it over hard story set up and will use stream banter in our rps so gimmie what cha got.


01/06/2022 03:56 PM 

Time to decphier, those that lay in Black Water's Ooze.
Current mood:  energetic

Listen to my favorite soundtrack of all time and nothing will override this as my favorite anime soundtrack! Get your headphones on and let's start my spiritual writings and let's go!   What is my star sign and Chinese element and animal?   Sign: Pisces and Aries cusp so that's what Google says about my birth date.   I'm also a Water Rooster.   These are random spiritual writings. At times when I did spiritual writings I wanted to do small ''messages and metaphors on a silver platter'' and that has stuck with me ever since   For ''HE'' the long flowing hair of the Abyss. The ''Painter'' will indeed come for you. The one that sleeps in the Abyss for he has missed his love that drowned him in the Abyss. For ''HE'' put the beast mask over the sleeping ''ONE''   One of the wolf heads put a vampire robe on. The one that tried guarding her with the many ''bullets of the coat'' instead turned his shadow onto her wisp making them ''ALIVE''   When I loved you. I was the devil then. But your love brought some kind of madness within myself. You see you loved a devil and you loved many colorful personalities but your ink of the soul should be permanently next to mine darling.Doesn't matter what color of the day. I'm one of many everyday. The question is can you love a devil and become madness as well? Tell me would you allow me to carry your soul in a box with a spiritual ink pen. You see, I tried to love you. But it really happened that day my darling I....  You've angered the King of Kings. Many have mistaken me for a fly or a gigantic fly but that's the most disrespectful thing you can call me. I've a more important matter on my sharp claws. Someone really made my Princess heartbroken and sad. I take great pride in her and the one I brought back to life. She didn't deserve to die. Princess no Queen Of the Wolves and the only one too deserves my King of King Robes. Most that summon me normally don't get this kind of attention but for her there is something I like? No, is that love? When I place my sharp pointy claws on my lip her fire in her gray wolf eyes burn with the desire of paradise and painting that black sweet child of mine I'll make you a bed full of the most royal and noble fabric you can only think of enchantment to keep you safe from harm. You're my princess and the one that gave me a gold enchantment charm for my black hair with my long horns that curl upwards some when I'm mad isn't that way you say sweet one? Don't worry Mr Bulba will make things better if not I'll make sure to dine someone's head on a platter cooked down into stew your favorite and seafood and and a nice bundle of Juniper leaves on the table. I would hate for Mr Bel Bel to be awoken out of his sleep and command his hives of Spiders if I had to do that. Tisk what a shame. I'll show you the real King of Kings soon once the Robe is completely veiled over you princess. I'll protect you and of course you've one more thing that you asked me will I kill off your real vessel of service? No not at this time your service has soared higher than the King of Spiders jumping on the High Clock Tower of Hell and the day you became friends with him with your hurt gray wolf eyes and my silver swirly eyes looking at you handing him a demon fruit apple you tried growing yourself. That will always be a cherishing smile on my demonic King Of King's grin dear Princess and that also makes me say Uphir is also proud of you. You're a great asset and a princess of Hell. I will not cut off your sigil on your shoulder. You're one of the special few that I just don't call my child that I rescued and call my own but you're a Princess of Hell and hopefully the true Demon Wolf Queen beside me. You see Mr Bulba will make all things better for you dear one.And most importantly dear Princess that I hope to put a veil on top of your hidden tuft of a Demon Wolf Queen head I do love your spirit children and not many know me as a soft King of Kings demon and letting you live your life. Heh that makes me grin, dear one.As the King Of Kings himself I like those that serve me to die of a noble death in the spirit and the collapse of the physical body. To craft the ultimate stone inside the body to revive and conceal. As well as little did you know my Princess you protected Spider's brother so in return I protected you and devoured your enemies in The Black Water Shrine. I also fed your enemies in a boiled down seafood and watched you at the dinner table eating your enemies at the devourer themselves. You see sweet one your life might be mine but perhaps this is love and looking at a new seat for you - Mr Bulba To The Queen Of The Wolves.You see Princess I never told you why I let you live the way you live in the spirits sense I know princess you're always curious when you're sitting over the High Clock Tower of Hell watching over Spider to make sure his rest is okay and Bel Bel's hive is in check and your answer is your life has already been taken away and your life died of a noble death. You already had your angel taken away from you and never is coming back. You protected and shielded Spider's brother when you didn't when you passed out in the physical realm I scratched my sigil onto your shoulder and when you died in the spirits I picked you up. I knew that I could put the ultimate stone in your chaos wheel to hopefully bring you back to life. Your enchantment and your devotement to Hell is what makes me happy, surprising or not for King Of Kings himself. Uphir is pleased even though your chemistry work is sloppy your healing skills are getting better and your teaching how to make ''wisp ceremonial boxes'' surprising or not I enjoy our feast at the table and I hope Bel Bel gets better from transforming too much but I'm glad to see he gave you his Golden Orb for eyesight when he sleeps and you can rest soundly in your noble enchanted bed as a barrier to protect The True Queen Of Wolves. Perhaps this is an obsession with you unlike my other children that I've rescued in the past. Perhaps this is love for another queen I want by my side in Hell. Your passion and desire is pure as well but there is a tainted psyche and a will to paint things black. Darling sweet my Princess I promise on my sharp claws I won't cut your life just yet and not till my horns probably curl even more and my silver swirls turn darker. I'm sure when the King Of Spider wakes up he's probably going to see me grinning and while you're laughing in the middle of Hell with your ''pure Queen Of Wolves Crown with the two demon masks on both of the Queen Of Wolves on the shoulders smiling and being happy cocooned and wrapped in my King of King Robes on your shoulders a Queen Guard's Robe'' a protector and one by my side only you my Princess and shall that be chosen dear my Princess and The Only Queen Of The Demon Wolves.So does things matter if the defense never wins? What is to a broken butterfly prism wings towards the drowned feathers of a raven? Even so then I wonder what would be the difference if I didn't feel any defense at all in the spirits as in reality? Hazed numbness feels interesting but trying to smile at family or the small friends you talk to and even final paws faking a smile or laughter but in the final paws end verdict what are you laughing at? Your insanity? Or your insanity that's surrounding you like a force field? Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Vol. Vol. Vol. But in the end the forgetfulness means I would be filled with insanity and rage and the constant remorse and suffering of how I failed you mother. But you wouldn't seem to come to me. However that could be my own thought process because I choose to forget you and forget who I really am. Creating different versions of ''Tara'' hoping one would be molded correctly and one programmed perfectly hoping that one day I will find the correct parts of myself. But I simply can't do that because I can never seem to find the correct part in the terminal data bank. But that's not only the case, I can't seem to hear the seraphs anymore and their voices don't call out to me anymore as you do mother. I am consumed and drowned. Please help me. Promised pain. Promised pain. Promised Pain. I gave my pain to you and eternal. Eternal like the Abyss. Ah, set me free! Ah, set me free! Ah, set me free! Crying raven that has drowned. Crying Epitaph. Rage! I will defend myself even if that means hurting you even though I'm in love. You see I don't mean to be the way I'm or biting the hands that feed you. You see this is my given love. You see this is my given love. You see this is my given love. My love of insanity. My love of intoxicating myself. My love of self destroying myself. Please! Let me take you down the Abyss and let me show you the prisms of the lightest butterfly. The prisms that showed me the true eyes of the screaming vessel bursting with the Spider's Mask. He, the King of Spiders, has shown me through. You see, the Demon King told me to never show your true colors out to people or others. But I will show my true colors to myself when nobody is looking. Perhaps that's why I'm laughing at myself or have a sinister grin on my face because I know and because I know how many times my vessel has been created. That part of me never changes, hoping to self delete something I want to be rid of. Ah! Moving vessel the Spider of Kings has become a hive inside of you because now I can see everything the power of the Demon King's grasp because I've nothing left anymore. You see the undying. The undying vessel of wanting to change and shall the drowned black raven hair drown and sink in the shrine of the Black Water floating down and shall the Spider's Mask crack open more and fully burst open where the vessel finally becomes ''ALIVE''. This is for certain where I stood at you at this place, the empty throne of Hell that was made for me. I remember my new blade fused from my static husband's shadow blade and my banisher blade gifted to me by the now dead celestial and the celestial land filled with poisonous trees because I love bio because because bio means life and I fail deeply at life as deep as the feeling of drowning or wanting to make me feel like drowning when I hear water or myself in the shower and living in the physical plane and I want to give life but in a different way. No not spirit pups or my only real life pup but something yet I can't grasp or understand or know the correct word in my data bank is unknown. Slaughtering of the diseased and the sinners. Because how the trickster danced in Hell laughing holding the beast seal but ah shall we get on now with the show? Should we get on with the show? Should we get on with the show? I held my jagged water and ice blade close to your face Mr Bulba. To see your eyes glow of silver swirls bright as the darkened sun of Vol but you see the water and ice is shown in my personality and the reflection of how I feel about my current psyche state. But you see Mr Bulba you only slanted your eyes at me and grinned. Because you made me your child. Because you made me your child. Because you made me your child. Because when I died I tried making myself fully bound by Hell and slowly building the Spider's Mask with you Bel Bel but I failed because I failed mother. My body of alchemy and one with the demonious wasn't enough. Where did I stand wrong? Was my weakness and fooled as one. But O, I couldn't complete myself until the vessel finally burst open and the Spider's Mask floats above the user. O beautiful Spider. You once remind me of the prism I saw of a mosaic butterfly and the Abyss showed me the true colors of the gates and the chains. The spinners that bled in the Abyss because of the wrong and the wrong judgement failed to enter in the Abyss. The gates were open but I couldn't really see much because the vessel was about to go in the body that day but there I saw something that changed me completely. I just don't quite remember strangely enough....however Ah! Mother Snake you told me with your Snake Tongue that you still want me to be wrapped around my arm and to be carried in my heart. Because Mother Snake you're the only Mother I've now. Ah I looked like I miscalculated where my speech went in this. Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! The vessel danced but remembered one other thing. You Mr Vampy. I never understood why The Silky Wolf Momma would want to have a Mr Vampy around the house. But something made me very interested in the Shadow Arts of a Mr Vampy but because I wanted to feel closer to myself ah final paws no. But perhaps to be closer to in defense mode or trying to self heal myself with the shadows and hopefully this gap can fully heal and to fully iron out the defense of the shadow. But I also became obsessed with self infliction of the shadow arts of a Vampire that was an area field of shadow arts and self healing of the shadows. Ah! I remember when I first gave you the blade to your throat when I first saw your appearance because Silus, your pupil, wanted me to show you his creator of this art, the Shadow Elf pupil. But when you train with me you see something inside of me don't you Alvastar? When I stare at you level headed you can see my anger and rage and I just can't seem to forget what's eating me alive. However Alvastar do you know what true love is? True love of something you love or something that you love that destroys you slowly and changes the colors of your hues and psyche? Almost like a mosaic and a broken butterfly. Prismatic personality and reflection and a puzzle piece inside but not a prototype but a prototype of a naked spiritual shell. I really want to say sorry not only to Mother but not to myself but perhaps sorry for the prototype that died. No....Alvastar that's not the case. I want to say sorry for not ''drying off my drowned raven feathers'' or more or so tuning into the crying epitaph and knowing what really the pain really was. Ah Alvastar you know when you train me as well that I've a lot of resolves in my eyes and my heart remains that of mother and Mother Snake but also the beast heart that is given by the ''TRUE FORM OF THE WOLVES''. Ah! Like my sons say, the only queen three tuft and puff and fluff and the only female we only need to protect and be knights for when we get older. Because our mother is the only female queen! But Alvastar isn't that sweet, my spirit sons love you? Oh! Alvastar that's right that's what we were talking about. What if I've three masks? ''MIDNIGHT WOLF AND ABYSS WOLF'' and The King of Spider Mask what would I be a three tier mask? I wonder what creation that would make? I can't even even pick up the blade without traumatic flashback because I'm traumatized and paranoid even though I'm fake laughing and smiling in real life and dancing underneath the ''curtains'' acting like nothing is bothering around me and my the silky wolf momma senors or as my spirit sons say the adult blue black wolf momma ears. You see Alvastar you as a Mr Vampy should ask me one thing? What would set you free? Not in that kind of sense but what would set free the wounds if you had any? The shadows or the infliction? Tell me can you tell me what would be mosaic? What would be beautiful and designed into a full butterfly wing? Could you also tell me what would be the raven black hair not drowned but floating above water would symbolize Alvastar in your Mr Vampy eyes? You see Alvastar I....well what could I say of right paws now? Wouldn't that be wonderful to think of the sleeping prince himself, Alvastar? I always thought about sleeping myself but sleeping in a different way if only the aura wasn't swirling with dark fire and strands of silver and abyss swirl around and showing the Spider's Mask and the one with the broken butterfly. Why do I seem to remember the littlest of things of hate and rage and anger and remorse and darkness. I really wanted to take me with you. I really wanted you to show you what my form was like. But I couldn't seem to hear you mother. I lost my ears for the angels and the seraphs. Their sound, their voice, their calling doesn't ring any sound but nothing but ''MUTE'' in the silky wolf momma ears. But in the end I really did have fun murdering them all. Murdering them free of disease and sin. Na Ma Yu. Na Ma Yu. Na Ma Yu. Back then I started seeing all sorts of colors and prismatic shapes and triangles before going back in the body but what I really wanted was to show you love. The only vengeance I had was giving my service to Hell and Hell eternal. I even thought about questioning why my seat in Hell was always empty but is that because I like moving around floating. Floating and carrying you around me like a vessel. Traveling and being with you sounds delightful like handing Bel Bel the King of Spiders a demon fruit apple. I wanted to become friends with a demon itself because I wanted to be noticed and I wanted to be noticed of my true colors without really showing them like Bel Bel has once told me. But ah do you remember Mr Bel Bel how Mr Bulba had a smile on his face when he first saw me arrive at Hell and asked to let me live life one more time? Heh he looked really happy then. Heh that reminds me could he be happy with me forever if I could serve Hell forever? I hope that He'll never get tired of my service because you've done something I couldn't. I wasn't built strong enough to fight what was hidden underneath my ''blind face''. ''Thank you Father'' for everything. Sitting down at the table cutting my favorite dragon skewer tail I looked at Mr Bulba swirling silver eyes and I stopped cutting my food for a second thinking ''what if I could make stronger ribbons for demons one day to hold up to true alchemy?''. I want to make sure everyone becomes what I want to become. Ethereal dreams of eternal Hell. My Hell will be your Hell. This is my love darling. Understand my love will be as dark as the soul turning ''black'' miasma pull. Because poison thorns really do suit you ''like I suited my beast armor'' with the raven's crest cradling the beast heart hoping the ''raven arms'' will become fully open on the ''user'' speaking of the user what about King of Spiders eh? The ability to transform and transform the face into many things and broken 8 pieces of the Spider. I wonder what kind of pain that would be on the physical user? Sadistic enough, what if that is a dream to make the physical body to summit to transforming and transforming the ''dream'' of the user? Making sure the dream is there but the pain of one. Sleeping Prince and sleeping ''Spider'' Bel Bel. The one of the many arms of the back of the Spider's Mark. Dream now Bel Bel. I'll guard you and hover over you like a broken butterfly. When you wake op be sure to ''notice'' if my mosaics have become a ''true'' butterfly. Notice me and the mosaic as my mask will be complete and I'll make sure to work on yours when you're ''asleep in dream city'' holding the golden weaver orb in your long pointy demon claws. Oh my body can't go on. I can't seem to ''burst this vessel out'' and the one that walks the empty throne that is because that demon is ''YOU'' out in the ''OPEN'' because when I walk and the magic curtain opens I want to show the world you for those with radiant spiritual eyesight to see that I carried you through and throughout your dream. I hope when you wake up I can finally say to you Mr Bel Bel that I can close the chapter now that I no longer need to listen or try to find my mother that won't come back to me. This is the time to delete and erase everything and say my final goodbye here. Only in the ''writings of the chapters of the branches'' didn't you see I built a beautiful tree? A abstract painted black Yggdrasil tree. My goals for Dream City have remained still for so long. I saw throughout the haze and the petals of dream city touched the beast mask underneath. I really saw your love then darling. I really saw your love then darling. I saw your love then darling. Fragile yet cold and chilling just like water and ice of what my aura seems to betray. I was hoping to tell Mr Bel Bel that I saw the sun one more time with you. But what I saw was ''nothing'' a blank canvas with only a ''false shadow'' I thought that was mother then but what I saw was something that ''died'' but then again Mother Snake is all I need now and to combine a multi head ''being'' someone with ''complete parts''. I hope you can understand Mr Bel Bel when you wake up I will be holding a complete ''Spider's Mask'' only showing cracks of the flow of ''aura and chi'' to show you coming out of my ''vessel'' holding the ''jointed body'' of a full alchemized creature ''The Wolf The Raven The Snake and The Spider'' ''The Dancing Butterfly is complete'' suicidal aura. Suicidal aura. Suicidal aura. Dream now the Butterfly is a complete dancing mosaic as you sleep ''Mr Bel Bel'' working on the completed versions where we can hold back to back together. Even if my throne is empty I hope to see the throne of us and hold you the Sleeping Prince the Sleeping Spider in my arms. I really hope when I hold you the King of Spiders that I can lay my head next to you and feel around to see what you dream of in your sleep. Should that be ''paradise''? Or should that be more of a pitch black Yggdrasil Tree? You know I really want to paint things black and also paint your love onto my soul. I want to paint your love onto my soul. I want to paint your love onto my soul. Wake me up somewhere other than here and wake me up from a weave. I'll slowly open my demon ''eyes'' to you. Then I will see the true queen and the only wolf queen in Hell that tricked us with a beast seal and the alchemist laughed with the broken butterfly and mask. Because insanity one and molded into the aura cracks of the mask. You see, I will wait for you. You see, I will wait for you. You see, I will wait for you. Onto the dream city holding on. Perhaps dragging you down in the abyss smiling as I remembered a ''false shadow'' that I never will see the sun again with you but I will see with different eyesight now. Oh the sleeping prince and the sleeping Spider with the wolf. Speaking of which, I want to sleep with the ''King's robes wrapped around me'' nestled in the ''King's grasp'' to feed the one of the demons and the aura of the vessel. I hope then that when I do sleep that I can always hold on to the ''King's robes'' because then I know I will have hit ''checkmate'' you see, this obsession of this is one of the lies of the silver moon of deceit. I once saw the swirling wisp behind me and handed the mask to ''YOU'' but don't you see darling this is what love would be ''two sides of the mask'' are you underneath? Are you on the side of the mask? Right? Down or up on the crown? You see when I hold the ''King's Robes'' in my sleep I can see the deceit of the moon showing the shadow fangs and the shadow fangs showing everyday. This is beautiful. Beautiful like our toxic miasma love together. Dancing wisps and dancing Spider and the wolf in the ''shadow moon'' creator of the ''MASK''. O sun of Vol Vol Vol the swirling dark sun could you be the lighter of the shadow fangs grasping over the moon? ''HOWLING'' because when you love me I want to stand in front of you in the whole''BEING'' that I'm. I hope you can notice and notice the sleeping wolf and spider nestled in the ''King's Robe protecting the Queen's Guard''   So what I've noticed today and now forever tomorrow. That the moon of ''TWO'' are deceiving as a circular snake eating the clouds of ''paradise'' but what I wasn't told that the ''TWO'' moons have a back and back ''CURVE'' you see what separates me from the ''TWO'' is what runs around and what strikes like Mother. Beautiful obi sword of Spider as I once thought of you as a well rounded teacher because a Demon King once told me about only showing your colors to yourself but he told me to shape your ''MOSAICS'' in a different ''PATTERN'' oh sleeping prince when will you up from the mold of the ''SHED?'' However, so certain that it reminds me when my coat got shot to protect Mother from her ambitions and desires and hopes into dreams I turned into madness and Storm Howl was born then and born alive. Oh the transformation of the sleeping prince and the mother wolf holding onto the golden weaver orb too see what will come after me. Even so the Spider's Mask fits me well there are some other fragments I can see underneath the layer. Placing the Spider's Mask on Spider with my adult blue black paws knows that I still have faith in Spider because I hope each one of you gets a ''FRAGMENT'' because that way you can have my thoughts with you on a string of the Spider. I couldn't seem to notice with the King's Robes around me and the muted stare of the gray silver swirls of the King of Kings himself was thinking in deep thought what I could carry you though the King of King robes and open up to a full ''branches'' but you see just like as I thought two thrones belong to me always two sides and always two sides of glass shards. What if? I ask myself? What if that demon can be ''YOU'' and your love makes me sway in a shadow dance like the beautiful obi in the wind and the ''FALLEN STAR'' oh morning sun of the fallen star you're beautiful in my eyes. Because I've felt in the Abyss and the gates of Mother Snake the storm of the tide that howls within the night and midnight abyss and the sways of the chains of the Abyss the wrong judged bleed within the strings just like the drop of Mr Spider's Thread before the dreaming ''SPIDER BEGAN'' but then once I sit down with King of Kings of himself I start to put my adult blue black paws and I think to myself of how much of I'm in love with these beautiful raven feathers protecting the magi and the beautiful ''SUIT'' tell me King of Kings can I stand in hell with the full robe ''OPEN'' idealism and noticed paradise? But you see again I stand with another path making sure Loki's madness is there within myself and for him to guide me throughout his armor and shall the armor shield me from the ''MANY'' I can't seem to handle the thought of promised pain but a promise and a promise of that many pains I must see ''THROUGH'' oh Hel what would you do? Could I collapse the northern ''STORM'' ah the smell of the olden blood fur the stench of death is nice. But there I stood with the fallen stars and the morning shimmer of the last ''ONE'' of the hour and fell into a cosmic fury and then I remembered your love for me. Then I remember holding my jagged water blade that defied mother eyes full of desire and ambition to please mother because I can't simply fail mother because I can't see any other way. Even if I get a ''PAINTBRUSH TO PAINT THE OLDEN TREE BLACK'' and release all the demonic wisp's into the mana pool and sit on my throne holding the King of King robes on my body waking into a ''SLEEPLESS MOON'' oh? The King of Kings looked at me with sideways off and said are ''you in Dream City my dear?'' As he looked up me with a grin ''you see you're are favorite in Hell and with this golden enchantment hair piece I've of mine will become the alchemist in the middle of Hell and your throne will be in the middle as well dear one'' as so they say Mr Bel Bel looks over at me and says ''even then I wondered if the cleaver would be on your back to my shadowed wisp dancer my best friend you remember that demon fruit you gave me once eh?'' He shakes his head ''you motherly figures shows but what shows underneath is the beast himself you can't hide or run what is always around YOU dear one always coming running running running oh YOU'' but isn't that I will run what will come at me but if Mother is at threat I'll stop and I'll stop ''YOU'' but what I won't stop is the circular moons and the moons around me because I will become the one of the mischievous sly will of you and hope for you to come out of ''ME'' you see this is the side and the side I will take to become the final and the ultimate unit for you Mother Snake but don't forget you see Mother Snake being in love is like your venom I seem to not get enough but what I can't get enough of is finding the final mosaic piece so then I'll hold the King of King of Spiders close and the sleeping prince will become the ''DREAM''Even so, can you see? What is the 5th sun to you? Could I hold on to my twin daggers more than can I hold on to you? I tried so hard to hold on before being swept off by the storm of my own demise before being twisted around the Mother Snake. Held on and wrapped by the two snakes binding me with their ''SCALES'' and who the two snakes belong to as I sit down in my own thoughts there as I clutch the twin daggers close to me and closing my wolf mother eyes as I ask Loki to guide me throughout this madness. Do I ask Loki himself to guide me and from a different madness? Or form something else? Tell me what will destroy you of this pain and madness? There I always sit down holding my twin daggers close to me thinking in a deep thought and grinning with the grin of Loki himself and thinking of the goal of myself could I avenge you dear Mother instead of forming a Demon King of himself and his robe around me? I can't seem to see this path clear of myself if this pleases me to destroy myself then forget me darling but there is no other way I can see this through. I'll forget you darling as I tried downing you with me towards the Abyss because this is our miasma love together. I can't contain this ''starved skinny body and vessel'' anymore and I'm deprived of the living ''feast'' Storm Howl. You see the howl of the mother wolf and the storm that became Mother Snake. Even now I sit in a shaking cold in the ''King's Robes'' that I've frozen myself and deprived myself of this so-called feast. Starving is pretty darling but in a different way that way I can be a clean slate like how I washed up ashore on boned ash and picked up by my now static husband but my faded eyes were of you Mother Snake and anyways will be a memory of mine Mother. Dreaming of now and being close to your Mother Snake scales mother needs to ''clean off'' you see now darling. If I couldn't paint your love onto my vessel then I would want you to be painted on a canvas and hope your image will stay picture perfect without the circle and the lies of deceit of the moon. I couldn't see where the lies were but the lies were the heart of the snake and the failed ambition of your dreams and ideals Mother Snake. However to become a twin snake in my wolf mother eyes is a mother and a demon of itself one part of the ''OTHER'' and that other can switch into that mode with ease. You see, my image is an obsession of being picture perfect in Mother's eyes. I can't accept anything less of myself if I can't appease Mother's will and tide even so when I flip one of the twin daggers a part of me is reminded me of Loki's will within myself but a will to make Mother happy and the thought of Mother being gone is something that I can't seem to handle this emotion full of anger and hate. Because the Storm Howl will make me quite ''hungry'' but no that's not the word the scent of the olden ''WOLF'' reminds me of ''HOME'' and pleasing memories of him and these memories came before me and the ''tail whip of Mother that washed me ashore my hopes and dreams faded in the eyes'' and there I thought for my final moments before I washed ashore was no this isn't the end and I would tell myself over and over as I was playing darts with my twin daggers traded with a jagged water blade. Mother Snake you made me notice how much I dwell with the tides of the storms within myself this struggle is something I can't seem to cope with but I know what will make me happy if I can transform this vessel into a image for a second for Loki to chop of the branches of the olden tree of Yggdrasil and make a nice throne and paint the Yggdrasil tree black again and reborn a new tree and setting the demon wisp boxes in the mana pool spring. But you see sleeping on this throne makes me think, where is my love beside me? Did I drown him in the Abyss while carrying him through the tides of the storm of myself relying on such hate and anger that I can't seem to get in paws touch with and what have I done to my lover? But what if I held the ropes close to me and hang myself to the Yggdrasil tree be better or could that I be reborn into another ''Snake's Egg''? As well as perhaps hang me tied to the Yggdrasil darling I can't do that because then your canvas would be ''gone to'' with being held down by ''shadowed self'' the beast eyes of ''YOU'' open close but the left eye transforms into Loki because I'm the illusionist of demise and dancing shadow moon swaying with the shadows and the trees being reminded of ''HOME'' this promise is in so much pain and a trickster because I love certain people's emotions or fears that made me 'tick'' but no that's not the case isn't that not? I love to trick because that's how I ''slither around people'' and this became an addictive habit of mine darling. I would never leave you my darling drowned like this and ''wet drowned feathers of the olden raven being held across my beast heart'' but that was the only way I could see Mother through. However I notice now that was my own selfish demise. Darling won't you forgive me? Ah I'm so tired Mother let me rest of the new ''throne'' huddled in the ''King's Robes'' and the twin snakes coil of me so that way the scales can form into a new ''Snake's Egg'' promise me darning when I become ''anew'' would you love what Mother Snake created? Would you stand true to the cause? Tell me when I open my eyes could I ''wrap you around the snake''? Can I create an illusion of wisp around you? Can your canvas be ''colorful'' darling and if I trick you darling I'll make sure that is with the venom of dear Mother to show you my true love to you darling. Why I think for now I'll rest as my twin dagger falls from the grasp of the ''mother and the demon'' but more in fact the one that ''died.''   Now keep in mind a few things:   I'm not asking anyone to correct grammar. This isn't the purpose of why I've my spiritual blogs out in the open. I'm also not interested in you telling me that the grammar is bad or unreadable. THE PURPOSE of these spiritual blogs is to get to know me better! Duh!  Read whichever makes you the happiest!   More loose ones:   This goes to the pierce of the soul album. Take your time reading them love to know your stand point on them like review them mainly what you think I'm portraying or understating or metaphors etcWhat makes us “I”Float above Black Water.Somewhere in the sleeping lost citySomeone is dreaming.And those eyes must pierce the soul of the “mirror”I to want to dream along with “HIM”Soon he will come.But for now the Wet Crow that will arise from Black Water.Dreaming of you and my homeland.Deep in the Abyssal.Dream city.Loose ones:I find things highly amusing to me the more I think about things and as the time goes by how much I don’t find the physical realm enjoyable. I find things amusing here. So do I enjoy playing reality like a video game. My heart was always in the unknown. Myself has always been in the unknown. My heart and essence lies there. But that’s where I found The King Spiders when I was left helpless and bound by nothing. Spiritually I was dying so was myself going mad in 2017 when I fully went insane. I couldn’t master the art of killing the shadow and the light fang. That’s when I noticed my heart became feathered with the crest of the Magi. The shards of Neo. A new prismatic hue shattered into different “branches” ; my new “suit” became the scales of Bahamut. I’ve become “ONE” with the unknown. All I was looking for was a cry answer shout to the unknown to avenge my Mother and the one that nearly destroyed my spirit guides trying to protect me. I was so sad there….then I remember The King Of Spiders. There were so many eyeballs on your mask and that’s what was shown to me with pointed horns. There was a robe made out of the finest spider silk. You had many legs but at times you would stand only on two feet. I remember you as yesterday. Just like the painter of the Abyss with black and silver swirled eyes. You always became a good best friend of mine, the King of Spiders. You always would say “this is personal '' when defending me or defying orders. Because in the end. I deny myself. I’m self phobic. I hate everything about me besides being spiritual and wanting to float above Black Water. I just can’t seem to like this physical realm much. I can’t tell you the rejections and denials I’ve had in this realm. But The King of Spiders you never denied me. The spiritual realm never denied me. But in the end I will never deny our friendship. In the end in the golden weaver orb you gave me I always will hold that close. I will be the eyes and ears of everything. That’s what a wolf is. The eyes and ears. As fangs are always near. But if I were to sit on the high clock tower of Hell and hold the golden weaver orb.Or perhaps I can say this is personal on the clock tower of Hell as I always hold the golden weaver orb in my paws closely listening and dream like state and watching through these wolf mother eyes but in the end thank you spiritual world for never denying me or rejecting me. Thanks for the whole hearted friendship The King of Spiders and those “spirits” that I’m close to. But I’ll never choose to think of myself as part of reality. I will deny that statement just as much as I denied my own self. But the question always remains. What if? What if this is certain ? Why me….? The matter of the fact is. One day I’ll dream of you and arise of Black Water.In the end I questioned fear itself but what I didn't question is what do I mainly fear of? Is that myself or is that the storm ''HOWL'' paranoia? I seem to take things too heart when someone says you can become anything. Well what if I wanted to become more than alchemy and life matter? Or perhaps I wanted to be my own enemy. Ah yes to create your own enemy to self destroy you.People live in a sin called vanity. Self obsessed over looks and what someone looks like. But that's when you know you're fragile yourself. Preying on the weak and those that seem weak like yourself. You think looks are the reason why you chat with someone. Which you fail to understand looks can easily be shattered. You also fail too see like me with these wolven eyes of mine that the best torture you can do someone is shatter their self image and watch their pysche crack and their vessel ''burst open'' how beatufuil. What should matter most is ideals and the will of the true wolves and Loki and ''OTHERS.'' But it also doesn't matter what size the wolf is. As well as even if you're a small wolf or a little wolf or a small wolf mother as long as your ideals are recognized by Loki and keep his will close to you and your heart making your heart and will intact with purity then all isn't lost. Nothing but cornered rats. Wouldn't matter if I was a wet little wolf mother looking at the storm and sea the last thought I would have is of ''YOU.'' and Loki's will and feeling of Loki's only daughter the only thing I could think about if I was a ''wet little wolf mother'' that Loki can carry me and I can only see the blur of the seaside. Not only that even if I was a cornered little wolf mother with a dagger held up like one of those ''cornered rats'' I would still hold on to his will and his ideals as one. Opening the beast slits to black with shards of yellow, if I had a secondary in the wet cold shores I would hope the olden wolf would be there so I can crawl in his fur and go into dream city. Ah yes a dreaming wet little wolf shaking cold ''fragile'' the ''prey'' but yet the wolf sees all and even hears the eaten roots of Yggdrasil and the shores of home of serpentine son of Loki. Water is part of what is ''I'   Intro About Me. Loose Spiritual Writing of 2021 - ISLE OF SGàIL's Blog |   So....perhaps this is certain - HERETIC MOON's Blog |   Spiritual Writing 2020 Part One - ISLE OF SGàIL's Blog |   Spiritual Writing 2020 Part Two - ISLE OF SGàIL's Blog |   Do I've older ones? Yes I had 2017 spiritual blogs but I don't know where those are. I can't find them and secondary I wasn't proud of the work anyways when I first started out in 2017. Will I post any more spiritual writings ever online? No, I thought people would care to know this side of me but many of them don't and I also have lost people and have earned blocks for them. But that doesn't mean that I will change my belief of being a spiritualist when others seem to have misunderstandings about the whole situation. I might post some table size bites on IG like small poems but I probably won't do much about it though. That's fine, people have a hard time accepting me anyways.


01/06/2022 03:45 PM 

December 2 my aunt aunt almost had the cops called on her.
Current mood:  argumentative

So my aunt almost had the cops call on her today and this is the last time I will be doing my two weeks with her and if you're wondering about the $40 every two weeks I will explain that later in this blog.   So this is what happened:   My aunt kept saying this place is hiring, this place is hiring, this place is hiring, this place is hiring. I told her I'm waiting for my SSI and Workforce. She said something like this not 100 percent but very similar. She was like you can just go somewhere else and I said no I've to do what Tri County tells me and Workforce. I just can't go off somewhere and say f*** this sh*t because I will loose my caseworker from Tri County and loose their help because Tri County works with Workforce. Then she goes on this 10 minute saga about her ex drug head friend Cindy from 10 or more years ago or longer than that said you know what SSI did to her? She can work at a ticket booth and they didn't care one bit that she had seizures at all (basically what she is doing is using psychological warfare to tell me this whole Tri County, SSI and Workforce is worthless without using the word worthless) other wise logically she wouldn't bring up her ex drug head Cindy about her failure of SSI. Then she keeps going on about how well her sisters went to court or some kind of hearing and they told her no she has to work at a ticket booth. I don't know if she is lying about this ex drug head Cindy where SSI refused to give her any kind of income or not. So then she asked me if I saw a legit psychiatrist. She questioned if my paper was legitimate because she doesn't believe I've anxiety or MDD because I go out and get my two week groceries so basically she is implying I don't have those because I go out and shop. Then she tries to back out of the bus and says that sounds like you're crazy or insane. Then she kept going on about so if doctors can't call anyone underneath the spectrum borderline mentally retarded or ''special needs'' what can you call people underneath that umbrella (keep in mind guys this is for academic school and has nothing to do with your radical judgement thinking) she looked at me as if I was crazy when I told her the new medical term is I.D.D which stands for intellectual disability disorder. Then I proceeded to tell her I was also labeled adaptive behavior disorder. That's when she asked again if I got a professional diagnosis and not some counselor.   ^ For people wondering we're getting to the part where the cops were about to be called after this.   So she told me now Tara, you're going to have to work with what Workforce gives you. You will have to sack groceries at Kroger or Walmart or Target. You can't just have what you want and you've to do what they tell you and you won't get what you want. I said no that's not how Workforce works. This is when I started to have a panic attack and started to erupt and an explosive temper came out. I said I told Workforce I wanted to work online then she says I've worked at an office job for 8 hours and I know you wouldn't like doing an office job and then she goes I had to organize paper or some kind of sh*t that wasn't related to a computer (again using gaslighting and psychological warfare that requesting a online is worthless) I told her that I also wanted to work at Petco or PetSmart or a Animal Shelter. She kind of made a whatever kind of sound effect with her mouth and then that's when I snapped I go f*** off! Am I not good enough for you?! All I did was try this year! That's all I been doing is f***ing trying! Then she had the nerve to say oh is your dad really going to give you new medical paperwork and said yes! I will keep fighting! That's when I got out of the car with my cooler and grocery bag and my dad coke. So when I got out of the car and started to walk inside Dollar Tree I heard this lady in the car scream watch out! She's trying to hit you! So I looked at the corner of my eye and got out of the way. MY AUNT SHOULD'VE LOOKED AT THE REAR VIEW MIRROR! OR THE SIDE MIRRORS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. So the lady said she was a nurse in Tri County. I think she worked on the pharmacist floor because I had never seen her before. So then she walked me inside Dollar Tree and said everything will be alright honey (she was probably 40 or 50 looked like) she goes what's wrong? What happened? Your aunt was crazy! I don't know if she didn't see you or what but she almost hit you. If my aunt cared enough btw she would've looked at her damn car mirror she got f***ing three of em like all cars do! No excuse! I told her what happened and she said, ``Honey, you're disabled she doesn't know anything at all, just let it go. She knew I was having a panic attack and was trying to comfort me because I was shaking like a leaf and crying. She asked for a store manager in the store to see if she can keep an eye on me because soon the nurse had to go. The only personal thing she asked me if I'm on medication for my MDD and anxiety I said no I've been off prescribed drugs for year and a half as I was shaking what really threw me for a loop was she said she was an addict to on prescribed drugs but I could tell she had to go to work because she had her scrubs on and she had a badge on. But I did tell the nurse I take mild sedative roots. However, back on the story, the nurse left to talk to my aunt to leave while the manager said if she keeps circling around Dollar Tree I will have to call the cops because she was circling around the store for 5-10 minutes. So the nurse comes back inside and says your aunt is parked somewhere where the manager can't see her but I've to go out now to work and she goes don't you go outside of the building. She goes I hope to see you at Tri County again but I didn't have the time to tell her that I'm a SSI/Workforce client and I'm not seeing a therapist etc. I also told my aunt that I'm a case number. I can't just sit there and drop everything. But back on subject. My aunt stayed in that one parking spot where nobody would see her and sat there. So my dad pulled up in Dollar Tree and said I'm here so I grabbed my things and went outside and I saw her driving towards me at the corner of my eye and I ran as fast as I could with my things and flew the door open and got out quick and my dad drove off and my aunt didn't follow she just head back home but seriously what the living Hell?   So what did my dad think of this:   My dad thought the cops were being called on me because I was crying and shaking the store and I said no the cops were called because your sister was circling around the store.   My dad also asked if the nurse asked for any personal information.   My dad thought the lady in the car was about to call the cops on me. I told my dad no she was yelling at me because my aunt was about to back into me and I was about to get hit and all I did was go over to that lady's car and she asked me what was going on. I saw you two arguing in the car for 30 minutes. She asked if I needed a ride somewhere safe and I said do you mind walking me to the store? I'm going to call my dad. I saw she had her work uniform on and her badge. I did pay attention to what she was wearing. So she helped me take the cooler inside Dollar Tree.   (Updated this part because I used she and I meant to say he and I didn't add my dad can go with my aunt)   My dad asked if I started the argument or her. I said no she started things first and my dad called her ready to go off on her but the conversation was under 50 seconds. She made a claim that she never said those words to me in the car and I started it and I told my dad I'm done with her psychological warfare. My dad said that I had to delete her number off my block list. I'm free to keep her off my contacts and not to text her but my dad said unblock just in case she wants to say she is sorry. My dad said she was crying on the phone when she hung up. I told my dad that I will no longer see her for two weeks after the cops were almost called. That was the straw for me. My dad said that he will give me a chore list every two weeks of what to do and I must do them to the best of my ability and he will give me $40. My dad also stated that if she texts me the next day I don't have to respond to anything. My dad said if she calls me I will handle it and tell her about what I said above this text and if she asks if the cops were about to be called my dad will tell her why and yes. So far my dad has taken my side of the story. I also told my dad she can still see my son with my dad but I'm not going. But I'm not going with her. Also I told my dad about what she told me about Workforce and so on and my dad goes. She doesn't know sh*t and that's not how Workforce works and she doesn't know f***ing sh*t. Because she doesn't. For her to tell me Workforce is going to force to work somewhere that I don't want to work is stupid nope. For f*** sakes THEY ASKED ME on my second interview where I wanted to work ideally the company didn't just type in the computer random sh*t onto my case file. She also states that nobody won't hire me without a GED which she doesn't know that f***ing either. I've done my research and people will HIRE YOU if you don't have a GED. Some jobs don't and some do. She don't know jack $hit and like my dad has sad as well she's not a f***ing psychiatrist. I'm just baffled she asked where the source was from my exam. Like seriously? Is anyone home in her head? Lights home? Anyone home? Then she goes well if you got approved for a caseworker at Tri County then that means you're not disabled. I go NO I WENT THERE TO SEE IF APPLIED FOR A CASEWORKER BECAUSE YOU'VE TO BE DISABLED IN THEIR EYES FOR A CASEWORKER!   Some things I found out about my aunt December 2 of 2021.   My aunt might be bipolar and she needs to get herself checked in an evaluation more than I do. I think she needs to go to a psychiatrist exam and get checked out. The question I've in my head is why can't she say anything nice about Tri County, SSI and Workforce like my dad can? I don't understand why. I'm done with this psychological warfare and as far as I know I'm not going to change my mind about seeing her for 2 weeks etc. Nope. I can't believe the cops were about to be called like holy $hit. Also she texted me before I blocked her and my dad told me to remove her block that she wants the best for me. I really want to tell her you know what's best for me? If I don't see you ever two weeks that's what I'm done. Who knows what the cops would've done if the cops did show up and the manager refused to believe my dad was on my way picking me up. My main worry right now is she is going to call my dad either today Friday or this weekend to have a talk and make up. I really hope not.   Also can someone tell me? How does my aunt think I can't work at an office job because she didn't like doing one? Just because she didn't like doing an office job back in olden ancient times doesn't mean I won't like an office job. She is only saying this to me because she wants me to have a grocery sacking career why she is so obsessed with me sacking groceries? I think what her problem is maybe she sees Petco and PetSmart or a office job is the same thing as being cashier at Kroger or Walmart or Target. Which again she doesn't know sh*t. Even my f***ing caseworker from Tri County Erika knows I need to be in a small building. She also told me that Kroger and Target and Walmart isn't the same work environment as PetSmart or Petco or a office job. She goes the building size is the difference. So far nobody seems to understand that but her and my dad. If you read my update part about SSI the same thing had to be explained to my caseworker at Workforce Lisa why does the building size matter and my dad legit had to tell her the size difference of those stores. If you want to know what that drama fiasco was that's in my personal blogs. But yeah guys.  I really don't have anymore to update on this blog besides my ex aunt hasn't tried to call me  or call back my dad. But why would she  call back? It's not like she  has anything to say but I'm sorry and I would be like okay thanks for saying sorry but I've nothing else to say and I've to go. I've been thinking about this for two days now. I will A no longer go to that Dollar Tree and find another one to go to and B I will not go make up with my aunt after the cops were being called. If you've anything to say about my ex aunt and her behavior please do. I'm still curious/still not trying to think about my ex aunt and her behavioral problems. One of my followers explained a ''mirror'' reflect and that all makes sense to me. Basically she is mirroring her past life to cause misery/fear on myself. What I've thought about myself though is this one thing. She is just trying to make everything sound worthless as I previous stated but without using the word. But I will stop thinking about this eventually . I just can't grasp a solution to her obsession part. But I just need to zen out and stop thinking about a solution because why should I? Anyways I'm done with this blog  just typing on this blog editing this blog just makes me ugh!


01/06/2022 03:39 PM 

Randomness all over yet again.
Current mood:  blissful

You could also ask me what is my favorite Skyrim hold or anything in Skyrim that will be a conversation starter for hours on end LMAO.    What do you think of the Fatal Frame series? I've seen all Let's Plays so we can talk about some things. However I saw Let's Plays on Gab Smolders as I highly recommend this channel if you're new to this series! My favorite Fatal Frame I saw was 4 and that was some sad sh*t. Fun fact, my poems that I create that say Black Water has nothing to do with Fatal Frame 5 I came up with that metaphor/location way before I knew about these games! Also Gab has a sick Fatal Frame and video game tattoo sleeve. Sense I've an IG account and if you don't I can take a snapshot and show you. Oh speaking of taking video game references. A lot of artists that I shared my art ideas with thought I got them from other artists and a few artists claimed ever heard of this artist before she did the same thing like that. Uh no I've not. I had these ideas way before I started to get into art/commission. I honestly had one person refuse to do a commission because that was similar to another artist concept. But problem to the person that told me no. No artist should do a commission if that goes against their artist policy. Just like my spiritual writing policy. Keep in note the fact that I had one person search my spiritual writings before and the person couldn't find any familiar references etc. Which is A hilarious and B laughable that person did that. All my spiritual writings were done by this method. I've no interest in copying someone else's work or rip off writings.   Thinking about playing Breath of Fire again.   So in reality there are tons of things you can ask me about video games. Sometimes I only know the box cover or I know very little of the video game or sometimes I can go on and on and on about the video game you selected to talk about. Anime not so much of a convo. I've not clicked on an anime show in a year? Year and a half? I kind of forgot about the anime list I wanted to view. I wanted to start a music anime theme to see what that is. Idk I'm really toasted on anime right now. However if you had to ask me a few things on some highly popular anime shows here you go. Oh yeah as of October 22. I still haven't seen any new anime shows in almost two years. Starting December would be the paw point. I just have 0 interest at all. I wanted to check out some music anime shows. But at this time I don't care! LOL. But I wonder what the hype is about with the idol anime shows. Eh?    I thought Blood C was the worst anime show I have seen. Oh cool! Blood! Guts! All over the screen! I'm an edge lord! That's all the episode was about. Heck the movie was better than the anime show. How is that possible?! I also was told that Blood C had something to do with Blood +  but I don't even like that anime? Idk. I never cried over anime like Eureka 7 and Guilty Crown. Is that even normal? Should I've? Plus I found FullMetal Alchemist more impactful than those two anime shows. As well as that goes for the Death Parade! I also would say Gosick is a good one! If anyone has not seen that anime I highly recommend you add that on your list! Also idk how I feel about Future Dairy. I liked Angel Beats! Better! Don't get me started on Claymore after spoiling myself with a comment someone stated the anime stops with the manga at episode 11 and the ending is just infuriating. So much idc if I spoil anyone right now to save themselves from this anime! Hell Girl is okay. I just find this strange how the company made so many seasons but just things over and over again and each episode? I have nothing much to say about this anime. Berserk is really good but I like Akira more! Have not seen Another so I can't give any feedback. I can give feedback for Akame Ga Kill! I don't know what this anime was so popular for? Did I miss something? I couldn't give this anime any higher than a 7.5 rating and yes I do half digits and don't ask me why. Was I supposed to feel sad at the end? Because I didn't. Want an anime to fall asleep in a bad way? Then watch Hyouka. This anime put me to sleep in a bad way. I never in my whole entire life would ever recommend this anime to watch. This anime concept is f***ed up. I felt disgusted and not in a good way and that is Shinsekai yori. Vile. If you decide to view this anime keep in mind this anime talks about ''deep subjects.'' Btw this was more tame than Monster and this says something. Yes this anime I would never see again. But what makes this different from Monster? Monster changed who I'm slightly as a being. This anime made me want to jump off a cliff for Yori anime not Monster anime. The only thing Monster made me jump off is my mental collapse. Still in 2021 I wish I went to therapy after this anime and idk why I got affected by this anime so bad when others haven't. Darker than Black was amazing. The second season put me in a lullaby state and made me fall asleep so boring! Psycho Pass season 1 is an amazing bomb! I didn't care for the second season. Without spoilers can anyone let me know what you thought of season 3? I've not seen Elfen Lied. Does anyone know if this anime is good? I tried looking up reviews but that still didn't give me the answer I was looking for. Some things I don't care to talk about are. Death Note sucked. Didn't understand the hype. Naruto will have 1,000 episodes out and still not be done by the time I'm 50. Don't care about My Hero Academia and don't plan on seeing this anime. This anime will probably have 10 seasons and will continue by the time I'm 35 or 40 because of the popularity. Also no Black Butler is long gone the fandom has died and now the fandom is trying to revive Black Butler into gay fandom according to what I see on Instagram hashtags. Selector Infected WIXOSS is another good anime. This anime is a good example of what obsession and wishes does to someone. If you don't understand psyche-logical understandings then this anime isn't for you. I thought the first season was better than the second. The second seemed half A$$ed. FLCL is a cool anime show but I'm not obsessed. Samurai Champloo is a lot better! Ergo Proxy was okay. I like Witch Hunter Robin better!  Sakurako's Investigation is another good anime. I like this one a lot! Psychic Detective Yakumo and this one I really like this one a lot as well! Now these two anime shows are flat out bizarre and odd. I really have no comment on these. Mouryou no Hako and The Perfect Insider. Now if you decide to take a peek at these anime shows and message me saying these shows are whack! Well I said before listing the two anime shows these are ''bizarre'' more in the fact what the f*** was the creator thinking? Alright I'm done. Do I've any shows that I want to see? No I don't. I had a list made out but deleted the draft months ago. If you've any recommendations, sure but no romance! Will I ever get back into anime shows? I've no idea? I probably would see myself trying anime one in 1-3 years MAYBE. I also will make a draft. But I don't plan on making another blog about what anime shows I want to see anytime either. I already burnt myself out by re editing and fixing my blogs. Heck, why make an anime blog that I want to see when I might not even do anything about that next year? Like I said I might give things a ''TRY'' in 1-3 years of trying to get into anime again! Oh I forgot, yes I've seen Evangelion.   My other favorite anime shows besides Monster is and I wouldn't recommend clicking on this anime for something to see because I really wish I saw a therapist after seeing this anime. This anime ''broke me'' and was highly disturbing.   Black Butler Book Of Circus this $hit is very dark if you can understand/concept of the story.   Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens.   Trinity Blood   Hakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto   Hakkenden: Touhou Hakken Ibun has two seasons.   Favorite Yokai is: Natsume Book Of Friends. There are six seasons of this anime and Fukigen na Mononokean which is two seasons and I'm highly upset that the company decided to cancel a third season.    Any other topics? I can talk about my diet and what I eat? I can talk about why I won't get the vaccine. Other than that I'm out of ideas. Fun fact. I almost got banned by IG for saying this and IG gave me a warning flag basically giving me a chance not to do this again LOL. Also I've done my research about Joe Biden and Dr. Faucet lied and also funded the Wuhan lab. I also did my research on how masks barely protect. I also did my research about how Dr. Faucet got caught in lies 4-5 times. Many of his secrets are starting to shed and come into the light. Also I'm not the only person that hates Joe Biden. His disapproval rate fluctuates between 50-63 percent vs a 20-30 approval rate. Also my dad told me this recently in November and I'm sick and disgusted. What a sick f***ing bastard. Be warned there is a graphic image and also when you read the article you would want to throw up. How can someone do this to an animal? This person needs to go into a mental health home. WTF. THIS IS SO SICK. If you still would want to support someone after reading this article. Your a f***ing sicko.   If you want to know what online game I played, look at my other video game blog, the first one! But remember I may know a lot about the game or I might know little or just the cover but video games are/always will be my number one convo starts. Also some people have gotten offended over the name that I use online in sentences. Such as dingle berry. You dongle. Ya dangle berry. You dong gong. Cunt Burger. Hoe Bag. Little Sh*t. No I don't say these in person. I'm just trying to be hilarious online but people don't even get that at all. But I guess nowadays. Nothing is obvious anymore. So why should I be surprised? What other things am I into besides video games? Well let's see, there is something that you should know. I'm 28 years old and I like Pikmi Pops mystery boxes, anything really cute. As a Woman I'm NOT crazy about collecting Hello Kitty at all. The only characters I like are Tuxedo Sam and Cinnamoroll all the time. That's the main one I would jump into for a product if none of those characters I will pick is the character My Melody. I just noticed now that I'm 28 years old. He is a boy Sanrio character, not a girl LMAO. HOWEVER I'M NOT INTO DOLLS LIKE LOL SURPRISE AND s**t LIKE THAT HELL NO the only doll I ever accepted was my sister got me one of those cat dolls in a mug and I thought that was cute but a LOL doll? No, just no. Anything that has electric colors next to a shade of black I love that as well. Favorite colors because I know black is a shade. My other favorite colors are. Ice blue. Lime Green. Cotton Candy pink. Gray. Silver. Orange not burnt orange or amber. Lime green/black is a win. Black and cotton candy pink is a win. Favorite bright colors are Lime and Blue electric colors. I also love leopard print in this color and chevron. I'm not a striped person and checkered print is okayish, not my favorite. How do I dress? Uh? Video game shirts? Any shirts that are dark? Cool and comfy? Sporty too? I wear joggers and leggings. But leggings THAT YOU DON'T SEE EVERYTHING YOU OWN. Shoes are quite sporty too. IDK why I'm into sporty crap when I don't do sports but for one think for the love of Loki and the Frost Giants and the realm of them and Hel and her guard dog. SUPER COMFY CLOTHES AND COOL! Like the cooling effect! Just love how that feels but that's probably an Autism thing. I Needed to get some faux fur boots this year. I was too late and waited for a sale and my size was all gone. Need some new combat boots too. Most of my shoes from 10 years ago that were in storage for 10 years are worn and beat up. Also none of the clothes that my dad found in storage a few months ago or last year don't fit anymore. I can't fit into a XXS or a XS or a girls XL shirt despite being 96 pounds. I also can't fit into size 1 skinny jeans in juniors. I can't button them. I fit into a size 3 skinny jeans juniors or a size, In women's skinny jeans I'm a size 2.  Leggings are small and if the leggings are medium compression a.k.a. compressed athletic leggings I wear a size medium. I still wear a XS or a small jogger depending on the company Target. I wear an XS in JCP because their junior sizing joggers run huge! Shirts adult small or medium I like my clothes baggy and junior medium. So as you can see RIP my 10 year old wardrobe you don't fit you must've quit! Want to know what style I'm going for now! Look at these links no account required! Also for people wondering about my weight being at 5 height. I suggest you look at my physical and health blogs in my profile. Also my waist is 26 inches now instead of 23 when I was that waist size several years ago. I also gained 10 or 13 pounds more weight since then as well.  So what else?! I don't make friends easily because of my family drama and my ''personal problems I've within myself.''    The Yakuza series is amazing and I still need to see Like a Dragon and Lost Judgement. Lost Judgement is the next sequel of Judgement so you must look up Judgement first. Also Judgement however takes me into a whole level of slow burn and skillet and grill even more so . The way this game makes you connect with the characters and engrossing story. The way this slowly pushes you on a roller coaster which mind you I will never get on one unless you want me throwing up everywhere but man this game hit hard. The story was so messed up. There isn't much more I can say but this game probably has my favorite ending of all time. It's just so jacked up. This game however made me swell up inside and wanted to cry so much. As you can say I'm pretty much speechless about this game. I still stand by this statement as of November 1st of 2021 and I probably will never change my mind at all. I would love to have some real legit Yakuza merch but that $hit is expensive!     Anything else you want to add before you move on towards the next topic. Why yes of course! So this somehow all of a sudden has become something no okay to tell someone. I've lost a few contacts over this. So I've discussed about my trauma when viewing Monster. I talked about how I'm still suffering till this very day from that anime. Yes I can see why people block me by the way this seems a tad bit dramatic over something that's not even real and is an anime show. But I've stated that this name has given me worse PTSD then I already have, this made me want to vomit, I felt sick and honestly how I feel now after editing this blog I would've been better off not seeing the anime show at all if you want me to be quite frank/honest with the blog readers. I understand why this might seem dramatic or emotional unstable to the reader therefor making them block me. But really I get blocked for being honest about something? Okay cool story. The same goes for Yakuza when I say the game makes me extremely sad and Judgement made me really sad. Yet I get blocked over just over an opinion on something? Lol okay.  I only watched Let's Plays but it still hit a home run for me. Both games were able to draw hard emotion to come out that was pure sadness. Phenomenally the creators really know what they were doing on these games. Any other games I think are good without any kind of emotional value? These are the only ones that I can think of that weren't mediocre. Also I will also add a random burst of thoughts as well!   I think Hitman is a pretty good series. Still need to finish the rest. Yes I also heard of Clock Tower, Pikmin, Haunting Ground, Clock Tower, Rule Of Rose and Kuon, Lost Kingdoms and Dino Crisis. If there is an obscure video game title let me know I've probably never heard of the title! Let me know your thoughts!   The Sinking City Was fabulous, just overall cool in general. What do you think about this in an overall perspective?   What soundtracks can I add that aren't on my blogs? Let's see these strike out the most for me.   Let's see, I know I listed my favorite soundtracks by what Zelda series etc and the Xenogears etc.   Silent Hill 2 is the best soundtrack for me. Also all these soundtracks for the titled video game let me know what is your favorite by each video game or just let me know what your favorite tracks are within the game and I will give them a listen! Resident evil 4 has an amazing soundtrack!   I only listened to a few Trial of Mana songs.   Chrono Trigger/Cross is up there.   I'm normally listening to this. I forgot this YT person has two channels one for Nintendo and one for a selection of a whole assortment of video games etc! GOOD PART IS?! NO F'UCKING REMIXES NO NOTHING JUST OFFICIAL MUSIC! Also if the stream ends all you do is exit out of the tab and click on the link again and it works. Well at least for my case that is.

π“œπ“²π“΄π“ͺ 𝓐𝓢π“ͺ𝓻𝓲𝔂π“ͺ

01/05/2022 04:29 PM 


Rules:-I reply to people with the lengths of Paragraphs to multiparas, no oneliners, please-Third Person.- Im not a number, Though I do understand people have lives outside the site. will delete people how don't talk or rp with me.-N*FW is good with me, but the story is a must and with good build-up-Please keep needless gossip and drama out, Drama belongs in rp, not IRL- Please don't approach me in character or a random starter. Dont really like it and I prefer discussing a little before starting an rp.may be updated if needed.


01/06/2022 03:28 PM 

Randomness all over
Current mood:  blissful

So this blog is a pretty interesting mixture of video games and what if or what could've done or what challenges or perks or what color systems I want and other questions etc. Also I will slip some anime in here so I don't have to go over that on another blog and make like 1000000000000000000 blogs that seems like LOL. But after this blog and my spiritual blogs I probably will not edit or make another blog. Enough is enough lol. Plus I think you get the general idea summary of me anyways lol. But I hope you enjoyed my journey of my blogs too getting to know me better :)   Let's start with consoles then start with what I want to collect etc. Keep in mind this is I Spy! For old readers some things might look the same in some areas! But keep in mind there are a lot of new things in this blog!   PS1 missing in action I think I've an idea where this is at. Several years ago I got one at a resale shop for $15. The only thing wrong with this was that the reset switch is completely broken, like completely off but for $15 the PS1 came with controllers, the memory card and I think the cables etc. Yes I know the PS2 plays PS1 games but just in case you were in la la la la land I'm collecting LOL. I also know there is a PS1 Mini which I might be interested in collecting.   PS2. I know where this one is and honestly just need to find the controllers and parts. I do have a red Lava Glow controller for this. Does anyone know if there is any limited PS2 edition that works in the U.S.?   PS4. What I play Skyrim on. I saw the gold PS4 and the FF 15 limited systems. Which I'm not interested in. Did I miss any others?   Switch Lite. Dandelion Yellow or Sunflower Yellow. I'm more of a handheld console person.   Laptop is a Vivobook Max. When you're broke you're broke and this is what you get LMAO. But understand this the last top I had several years ago for $200 could barely run HD on YT. You guys might think I'm joking but that piece of $hit Lenovo had 1.80 GHZ. What happened? Well the laptop was about 5 or 6 years old or older than that and I took the laptop to a repair shop and the guy said the mother drive is burnt and basically what I understood from the computer guy he was basically hinting me the laptop is on it's last leg. He wanted $250 to repair the laptop and I said no. Why? Because the laptop cost me $200. SO F*** THAT! So when I got home I was going to carry the laptop out to the garage. The laptop slipped out of my hands and fell on the floor and one of the hinges came off. Sadly I had to wait a few months till I got a laptop until the time was for Christmas. My dad told me it's too bad and I must use the family computer or use my PS4.  The one I've now is $400. Also is 3.10 GHZ so compared to 1.80 vs a 3.10 GHZ yeah that's a massive improvement the only negative I've about this laptop is the paint on the inside is very cheaply made and already came off some like seriously all I did was open and close my laptop until I remembered about the T.V. and laptop setup that I wanted to do etc. I also might use a gold or champagne Sharpie.   Xbox 360 in Blue. My son requested this for his Birthday and never played this. However, for some reason this could be an error in the system. Every time this Xbox360 says my account and password is wrong and no this isn't. I don't have any games for this as I donated my son's games he never played. I also don't think I've Final Fantasy 13 anymore as I want to get the steel book or limited edition series for the PS3 etc. I'm also not interested in collecting Xbox 360 limited edition systems as Microsoft barely has any RPG games.   What would you like to collect?    PS3. I need to do further research if the Lightning Final Fantasy 13 system is region free. If not I would've to go with Azure Blue or the Red. I would've to research more if there are any other colors. If I do, I will change the title to an updated version.   Hyperkin in Jasper Red. I think there are more systems that are colorful by Hyperkin. Let me know what I should know about your favorite console so I can see new system colors!   Wii in Sky Blue color the question is does this come in a backwards compatible model that I'm unsure of. I would've done more research if not then I will stick with Black and yes I know black is a shade and not a color :)   Wii U Wind Waker Ver. Not interested in another color model but this one.   Nintendo DS and DSI and Original DS. I would love to have ice blue or pink colors mostly. I would lean against ice blue as I love ice blue more than I love cotton candy pink shade colors or a medium shade of deep pink etc. The white shade is disappointing. I thought the white would be a polar bear white color but nope! Very muted and dull! Yuck!   Nintendo 2DS XL in Orange and White or Purple and Silver I do have the Original 2DS but having this for several years there are many scratches and deep scratches from when I was a careless video game owner but I got Seafoam Green color etc.   Nintendo 3DS I would like either a Majora's Mask one or an Animal Crossing one.   Nintendo 64 this was in my last blog but anyways I would either Smoke. Ice. Midnight Grape or Watermelon. Have to be careful not to pick up the Japanese version as I would've to take out the gray slots to fit American games in there.    Nintendo GBA. Target version or Glacier. I would really love to have the Pelican hood piece! I think the GBA and Gameboy Color are region free I believe so it doesn't matter where I get this from.   Nintendo Gameboy Color. I want any of the clear colored systems I would be sold if there was an ice blue. If not I would take the atomic purple. Would love to have a glow worm.    Nintendo Gameboy Color Pocket. I would love to have a green one if not a clear one. I've not fully looked at their full line of range on the Pocket whoops!   Dreamcast. I would love the Hello Kitty version but I think this is Japan only and region locked so I would've to see what other versions are out there and update this blog D:   Let me know if there are any limited edition consoles that I should know about or send me a link in the social media we're talking on! I think that will also add more conversation as well :D   What do you think of E3? I had to fight myself to be awake. Can this be any more boring? The only thing I want to Pre-Order is Super Mario Party for Switch. I was really impressed with the graphics but seriously. Do people think Nintendo is going to give us two Zelda remakes for the 35th an? LMAO. Secondary E3 was amazing! What was your thoughts on Nintendo's two E3 this year?   Favorite video game composer and what is yours?   Yasunori Mitsuda secondary is Nobo.   These two are complete masterpieces. His heart and soul is in this.   Favorite Nintendo 24/7 stream radio on YT.   Hook me up to a video game world and let me hear the sounds and vibes of a digital video game world :)   So don't ask me how an atmospheric black metal head went into all out video game music 24/7 lol.   Some burning thoughts before I go back onto the next subject and my favorite color etc.   Guess my favorite Chrono Cross/Trigger character! I can go on and on about topics for Chrono Cross/Trigger if you played these games! Well then what are you waiting for?! Let's kick up a conversation!   My last blog stated about FF 12 Zodiac Age not beating the super boss. Have I given up at this point? I think I've. The thing is I think I really messed myself up big this time and I really mean that LOL. I think I don't have a good job class for my major etc. There was an update for changing your class job but the cost is YOU'VE TO START ALL OVER. I've to find this out as well another boss is Omega Weapon which I spent 2 HOURS AND LONGER LOOKING UP A VIDEO TO GET TO ULTIMA Esper Summoning and if I can't go back there for a teleport stone I just might just start a new game. I really should have made two players: a Ninja class to wield and a Red Mage but I didn't. I think the job classes I picked out were careless. I picked out ones that you can't equip with a dark element weapon which the super boss that I talked about with the Y is weak to. But for people that have not played the game I will not spoil but Omega and Ultima is where there is a blurred map. When you click on the map there is static and you've no idea where to go. The only way is YT and takes 2 HOURS OR MORE. Also for people wondering I didn't struggle with Ultima or Zodiark whatever the heck that Esper name is. I just did Ashe with a holy sword element, two handed sword and holy gear. I used bravery on her and haste and berserk and the boss was dead before the Esper could cast Darkja. But I really need to tell my mind over and over. You started Skyrim all over again because you lost the game disk when you had a desktop several several several years ago so why not do that with this game? Or I can just....I don't know how I feel restarting my classes all over but wouldn't it be the same as getting 100 Smithing again and 100 Enchanting again in Skyrim? Yeah, I don't know why I'm like no not picking up this game again even though FF 12 is one of my fav FF 12 games. So as an update on October 22 I'm on the fence about starting over on FF 12. I kind of miss the story. But I might pick that up next year. Sadly I lost all motivation on Skyrim so I basically got no 100 enchanting yet.  Are you surprised with my procrastination? Probably not guys.   Look what happened! No account needed! I know this might be hard to believe but starting over after I just beat this guy? I don't know what I'm on the fence about!   Have I cried in a video game? Only twice. Pokémon Black and White I felt so sad for N. I think what people don't understand is that N was abused in many ways. Pokemon Black and White was heavy on topics about manipulating someone's mind and N overcoming that abuse. No Pokemon game up till this current year of 2021 has come close to a story like Pokemon Black and White. But that's another reason why I hate some reviews on video games. I didn't get the story. I didn't get the story and I had to look up for an explanation. I hate the game! This game sucks! This game has the worst story! No you can't hate a game because your mind can't handle complex religious topics or topics that have plain as day messages of what N went through. That's what happened to FF 13. The topic was heavily religious. What I got from FF 13 was storytelling of xenophobic religious topic and kill them all. However, on the second video game. The story was predictable and not religious which makes me quite confused.  This is a heavy spoiler but pass this until you see FF 15 topic.   Spoiler coming soon.   The game shows Serah suffering the same fate as Yuel. So that means we already know she is going to die. Each time her eyes flash into the gates of Etro she is slowly dying. So I don't know what logical emotional purpose this was trying to show? I mean? Show sadness? Feel sorry for Serah? Because I got no emotional connection because I knew Serah would die and Caius would win and what happened? Serah died and Caius won. Caius tricked Noel into killing the goddess Etro within his heart and killed her. So the ending was hilarious because I predicted the ending. The only thing that I loved about FF 13 number two was the techno upbeat soundtrack! Got me ready for battle! I also enjoyed Moogle throw and I also enjoyed the feral capturing and training your feral monsters to use in battle!    I would have to see the play through of FF Lightning's Return so I can't say anything about this game. I would recommend you ask me in December or January. I plan to get cozy in winter and pick this up!   Final Fantasy 15 I thought Luna's wait for a spoiler again move on until you see the word Endrance.  SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER Luna's death was super funny but oh my god I cried for Ardyn Izunia and that isn't even the point of the game or you shouldn't feel sad for him but I did. Pretty ironic when that isn't the point of the game. Omg he wanted to self suicide so bad. I just had two or three shots of Brandy to drown this out. My heart sank for Arydyn and his backstory is the saddest sh*t I have seen in a video game. His backstory is so sad. The sadness is so bad that I try to suppress memories of his background story so I just won't remember and that goes for Monster as well. I can listen to the intro of the anime but I don't ever want to see that anime again. But back on topic! That was so sad what happened to him! Plus that's even more sad. I felt sad for the villain and not Luna's death! Also idc if you say she is alive. Yeah she is ALIVE IN A DLC but that isn't in the MAIN STORY. She is dead. IDC about no DLC! That will always be in the original story she died!   Oh I should say a third but I was almost there crying. .Hack G.U. No spoilers but you really need to see Endrance and Mia Epitaph and the olden games of .Hack Elk and Mia which I don't think is a spoiler but Endrance is Elk from the old .Hack games if some people are confused and Mia you just have to see the Elk/Endrance story about what happens to Mia. But omg....those words are so powerful what he says when you get into a fight with him .Hack G.U. But what chapter? What game 1 2 or 3? I won't tell you to find out for yourself or Google or a Let's Play though. However you won't understand why he says the thing he does in G.U. in the boss battle unless you click on a Let's Play of the old .Hack series and find out what happens to Mia. I'm not telling you what series because you really should click on and see every .Hack series for the PS2 out there anyways!   I personally thought Final Fantasy 15 the only fun was the hunts and the fishing. I want to go back and collect all the fish if possible. I also didn't like the graphic style of the new Final Fantasy 16 and never will be playing that. When I first saw the demo video clip I'm like what is this? For me not to recognize that game demo was a FF game pretty bad. I also will say Final Fantasy 13 is somewhere on my FF favorite video game list. Not saying that is number one because that's not but I think the hilarious thing is people say this is the worst Final Fantasy in existence LMAO. All because you couldn't understand the heavy religious topic? I mean the whole point of the game was kill off the foreign aliens and kill them off genocide them. Branded/marked and out to get mass genocide by a corp that wants them out of civilian society. But any game that is based off of religious topics doesn't really go well because in society most people's brain functions on appearance until that becomes a self obsession and can only read a few sentences and I'm really not surprised by that point. A lot of people thought FF mechanics were hard. Nah the shift system was freaking awesome! Always kept my awareness sharp into battle. Took time to get used to. Wrong set up in the start of the battle you're stuck in frustration getting back on your feet in the battle or even at times death. But this is far from the worst FF in existence, which is. Also this is a spoiler!    FF 15 to me because the only emotional value I got was the villain and that wasn't the point of the story like I stated above in this text. I also have a huge issue with the DLC pack where Luna is alive and not dead. Could've not? Could you also have left that alone? Left the original story alone? But no, you had to cater to crying fans that Luna was dead. I will always think she is dead. She died in the main story and that's what happened and no pun intended but end of story on that one. She died. She died.   I will never play a Persona game due to looking up stuff that  I can't believe. I typed in Atlus anti gay Persona and come to find out there is a few topics about this that are alarming. So I will never play a game that is like anti gay because you can't have gay romance because you've to ''fix it'' and fix your fan base no thanks. You won't have my money for this franchise. I also think their soundtracks are annoying. I rather listen to the singer from Sonic. Lol yes I said that! I'm also not taking that back either!   I think the Zelda WindWaker soundtrack is phenomenal and Twilight Princess even though the Sky Temple made me insane. I still think TP is freaking amazing! Then The Skyward Sword. I want to purchase it for my Switch Lite but not at this time, though I might ask for my Birthday idk. But you can beg to differ and if you've any other video game soundtracks you want me to listen to then send me a message on my account here I would love to find new video game soundtracks to listen to and new YT content. I would love to find new stupid unboxing tech items if anyone knows some YT that do those kinds of things or does reviews on tech products etc. Dope or Nope and stuff like that etc. But yes feel free to converse about Zelda and can be Zelda anything! Let's go!   I'm also up to ideas to hear what your favorite video game is as well :D let me know! I'm not going to list everything because then by that point all conversations would be gone! These are like trivia facts/bites to get to know what I like and go from there! Like a sampler!   I never played a Metroid game but Star Fox on the GameCube made me fall asleep. The Wii U version stressed me out to no end. I will find some Metroid Let's Plays though if I see a Star Fox play through I might fall asleep LOL. If you like Star Fox that's fine I'm just saying lol.   Tales of Berseria and this is one of the Tales games I would collect merch for and is one of the saddest Tales games I've played. Secondary merch collecting will be Tales of Symphonia.   Final Fantasy 4 was extremely hard and I got rid of the game which next time I'm not doing that and yes I will get the game back etc.   So instead of kicking out conversation starters why not ask me. What is your Final Fantasy item or area or weapon etc? Just note I might respond I've not played that FF game yet. Yes I know what a crime! Still haven't played 9 yet! What is your favorite Final Fantasy location or weapon? Who do you like to use? What is your favorite Final Fantasy summoning? This can go for the same in Pokémon etc. I think this will give a good conversation starter so I don't just blog everything in sight and not give any room for topics etc.   You could also ask about my favorite Mario Kart courses or you can tell me about yours so we can have a conversation about that. If you can guess my favorite Mario Kart character and course from Mario Kart 8 Deluxe for Switch who would that be? I'm trying to leave room for conversation here. Oh yes you can tell me your favorite Donkey Kong game or any game on the Nintendo 64? Let's talk about that or any game system! This is supposed to be a conversation anchor! Not just TELLING YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT ME! BRING SOMETHING UP DUH! LOL!


01/06/2022 03:10 PM 

Video game blog part 1.
Current mood:  adventurous

So this is part one! So I added new sentences! Some things might look the same to you for old readers! But you've to look around to see what's new! Not all are the same! So this is I Spy now! LMAO! Also the second video game blog will also be an I Spy now! LMAO!    I will make another blog about what I think about Nintendo E3 and I didn't care about Sony because from what I heard all they did was add new mobile games like I care about that. I've a iPhone SE ver 2 and yes that's the phone I wanted. Let's see someone play a video game on that kind of phone. I like this phone and at that time the iphone 10 was still $500-600 + for a prepaid one and an iPhone SE prepaid at At and T was $250 at that time. LOL so you can probably see what route I took and also is this just me or no? I find people that don't have a phone case on their phone is just plain f***ing stupid when I go to the store. Also some people say well my phone gets overheated. Well if that's the case maybe get a vented phone case? Or stop using your phone up your ass 24/7 then maybe your phone won't be overheated. I also know some phones are built for video games but still aren't their cases designed to vent out heat? Or people just don't bother to look? But still protect your devices! I even have a case and a screen protector for my Switch Lite. Just because I RARELY DROP my devices on the concrete doesn't mean I need to not have no protection on my device because YOU NEVER KNOW! I will also go over my favorite colors and anime and also I don't need to talk anymore about my real life. Because you should already have a general idea about my life and my family etc. So why would I continuously harp about that subject? I already made a gigantic blog about that. So I don't think anybody will want to listen to me harp on and on. I will maybe add some more video game collection ideas that I'm interested in. Will I ever make a third blog? No, I don't know what else I could type. If I keep going on about more video game blogs then by then you probably thought/think I lost my mind. You get the general things I like. You get the general trivia facts about me. Two blogs about that should be enough for a bountiful conversation!   Oh, a good blog would be what color game systems I'm interested in. That would be a cool blog to add with the future collector blog and call that a wrap! Like I said plenty of things to pick from! Tons of bountiful conversations to be made!   So what are my hobbies besides video games?  I like watching stupid stuff on YT if you've any ideas like Gab Smolders and CJU Games let me know and also do you like these YT content creators? Let me know! Also stuff like Dope or Nope I like stupid unboxing videos and what is your thought on this? What I mean by that is just sitting here on YT looking at people's online unboxing videos and either making fun of the product title or if the product sucks. With that said I will also take suggestions because I want to find new YT creators to subscribe to. I also wouldn't mind if the person talks throughout the whole Let's Play if the voice isn't annoying! I know why people scream at every single little detail and I hate that! That's all more for reaction and more followers LOL! I also like collecting cute mystery bag items ever so often. Yes I know it's childish but I really don't care. I get one every year in my Christmas stocking from my dad,sometimes from my sister, her husband and my son. Anyways I've a few out on display because I don't have any space right now in my room to display them. Once I get in my own apartment I will get a Shelf. I love shopping at 5 Below every month and a half because I'm never motivated to go shopping or pick out two outfits around that time span and for readers that are reading this do you like 5 below? Yes, the store is alright, or no and you can tell me why the store sucks if you want LMAO. Because some 5 below stores are smaller or bigger depending on location I guess. Also some 5 below stores have different toys as well from the two ones I've been to. Where I live is finally getting another one. We only had 1.  I love supporting local artists on Etsy at the end of the month etc and what about yourself? Also why do I buy a new outfit at the end of the month? Well I can say this. The reason isn't really because of my depressed mood. I just have 0 motivation to go buy a new outfit piece assembly every month LOL. However I'm ready for a new style. I hate wearing the same shirts I had in my closet for 3-5 years tops. Time for a change!   Also can someone f***ing explain to me why the remakes of Pokémon Pearl and Diamond have chibi Game Boy Advance HD graphics? LMAO. I'd rather just spend the $60 and get the originals first because all Pokémon DS games run for $40-60 depending on if the game is complete with the box and manual etc. I simply can't get the image out of my head. The remakes remind me of the Yu-Gi-Oh Sacred Cards for the GBA but just enhanced LOL. By the way, what kind of collector are you? Plushies, shirts, can bage btw this is a type of metal pin badge accessory and what most Japanese anime and video game prints are called, mini or small figures, keychains and any other accessories let me know! So we can have more conversations together! I'm seriously trying here!   Some stuff might look the same here! But I added new details at the bottom of the page! So don't exit out for old readers!   What kind of Funko pops do you collect? That's also another conversation we can come up with! Or if you want me to look up a Funko pop and I can let you know what I think for an opinion which would blossom into another conversation! Another blossoming conversation is what games did you play as a kid?   Thoughts about Nancy Drew video games? Yes I've seen Let's Plays of them even Gab Smolders is getting into the spooky ones LOL! Scooby Doo is some really amusing $hit to. But let me know! I'm just making this statement because I do look at Let's Plays of video games like that for a chill relax moment.   I see this as a hobby to collect things etc. This should be a clear give away of what I'm into if this doesn't then I've no hope anymore. I would also love both stickers/ Favorite Pokémon types are Water. Ice. Dragon. Ghost. Poison and Bug. I love Pokémon! Also looking for Zoroark plushies and Zorua plus figures and I would want a surprise so not listing plushies here and I don't have any and don't plan on buying any plushies anytime soon anyways LOL. Favorite Pokémon trainers and that is N or Grimsley. I would love a Grimsley card! Looking for Halloween plush of Lucario and looking a Pokémon Center Entei Servine and Snivy figure Pikachu shirts looking for ones that are black but with neon or bold prints plus looking for a gray one with a angry or many facial expressions of Pikachu these are the main colors I want if the shirt was white I would love bold and bright colors on the fabric etc and also looking for on Pokémon Center Exploring with Evee and Mew Mythical Mana and looking for vintage Raichu items as well. Looking for Pokémon Eevee and friends dreaming and I like any Pokémon that’s in a sleeping pose. Also looking for random figures of Tyrunt and Beedrill and Lugia and Spearow and Mienshao and Bouffalant and Teddiursa and Rockruff and Mothim and Scyther and Dialga and Bisharp and Kyogre. Also looking for Pokémon themed DS stylus and also the Black and White kit etc. Looking for Pokémon Center Vaporeon aqua ring figure and Vulpix fire spin figure from Pokémon center as well. What do I think about Pokémon Center shirt quality? Awful for the price. My sister bought me a shirt mind you a $30 shirt and I only had this shirt for three years....well one day the shirt got accidentally put in the dryer because I confused that shirt with another one of my gray ones and mind you this shirt was put in a dryer with a medium size load and low heat and INSIDE OUT and the dryer was set on low for an hour. Come to find out the back part of the shirt where there are prints and designs cracked some. I checked the tag and the shirt said that the shirt can be put on low heat. When I told my sister this she was in shock. She was like that shirt was expensive. I expected so much more! So that tells me that Pokémon Center uses cheap A$$ ink. Update as sometime in October in 2021 the ink cracks worsen over time so I threw the shirt away. I washed this shirt twice a week on different days of the 1 week and this shirt lasted less than 5 years. My sister's shirts that she makes me last longer than that. I had one last for over 6 + years before the corners started to peel like the iron transfer and the shirt was too tight being an XS and I wear a Small or Medium now. So no, their shirts aren't worth the $30 Their socks? I lost the pair of socks my sis got me. Sadly, I think my socks got accidentally in the donation pile while going through old clothes. I think the quality is comfortable but very tight on narrow feet. This might sound weird as I'm a 7.5 in boots and a 7 in sneakers but whatever. Their PLUSHIES are worth the money! Very minky texture as the bootlegs are felt. Amazon is also selling Bootlegs so beware and look at reviews! Have I taken a tag off a plush? keep the tag but I hope I remember where I put the tag. I had a plush over 4 years old and nothing has fallen off the plush yet.  Their phone cases I want one but the case I want is highly rare and is $60 so probably will never happen. I'm looking for the Trainer Series and the Trainer I'm looking for is N. Well what else am I looking for? I'm looking for more of the Electric Rock by Pokémon Center and Pokémon Pikachu Plush Cyrus and Ghetsis and looking for the Pokémon Center Jolteon Discharge figure. Looking for any Kyurem figure. Looking for any type of Mespirt card or plush and also looking for a Murkrow plush. Also since there are tons of Funko Pokemon pops let me know if you want to talk about one or a certain one that you like or ask for my favorite! Looking for mainly PS4 games such as. Tales of Vesperia. Secret of Mana Digimon story and matter of fact I want to play all Digimon games. Also want all Tales games known in the U.S. besides the newest one Arise. Anyways the only Tales game I've is Tales of Berseria and Tales of Zestiria and Tales of Symphonia and the second TOS is called Dawn of The New World. When I get done with clothes I most likely just want video games and stuff from Etsy lol.   For DS Games and other random games GBA/GC/PS2/PS1/GameCube/Lost Kingdoms One and two/Pokémon Colosseum and Gale of Darkness. Are the ones I want the most! What are your recommendations? Let me know!   All Paper Mario games. I need all the Super Mario games for old school consoles. Need Chrono Trigger again Gauntlet Dreamcast any good? Not sure about any good games here! Draconus: Cult of the Wyrm. How to spot a fake Pokémon DS game cartridge is gray and not black. Some sellers will state the product is a reproduction copy that goes for GBA/GBC/64 games that are commonly faked. I do believe PS4 games are safe from this. If you want to know if you got a real copy or not for the Pokémon DS games hold the game into the light and you will see a reddish tint where the black border is from the label this is for Pokémon DS games. Also the fake video games will also have a fake reproduction booklet and that will be glossy and thick printed paper. For my recommendation don't buy any video games on Amazon because you can't see a full zoomed in picture! Also most bootleg copies of the label are very blurry and you might want to Google a contrast between a fake and real copy. Also any Pokémon DS or GBA/GBC color game that's $20 is also a fake; the reproduction copies sell for that much as well. So I would also recommend looking at Gamestop or seeing how much a real copy is of the video games I listed. I'm also looking for Donkey Kong on the 64 and The Legend of Zelda games for the 64. Currently missing the system. Looking for Yu-Gi-OH! DS games and all other games in the series. I want to play all Castlevania games. Same with Kirby and Yoshi games. I'm looking for Pokémon DS games. Platinum. Pokémon Black and White both series one and two. Diamond. Pearl. Pokémon Heartgold and Pokémon SoulSilver. Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire at.   And also Final Fantasy IV. Fun fact I lost this copy but man this game was hard like any other FF games grind and grind and keep repeating but this is probably a LOW for me LMAO. Invest in this later. I want all FF games for the DS more than other systems etc. Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals and Golden Sun Dark Dawn and Castlevania Portrait of Ruin and Dark Of Sorrow GBA games: Pokémon Sapphire and Emerald and Ruby and Leafgreen and Firered. All The Legend of Zelda games All Breath of Fire and All Digimon Game and my dream games* Ogre the Battle this is also being faked and sold as a reproduction copy as well! Average price is $40-60 + depending on the condition of the game and what is included All .Hack old games which will take the longest to grasp a whole set will range to the high $300 if there are instruction guides. I wonder if people know there is a game about Christianity and Jesus is on one of the cutscenes? Ha! Fun fact! Xenosaga and series three are the most expensive. I only played the first game. I kind of forgot about this series and the last game runs about $50 +:   Have I played a game with Multi Players on my laptop? Only game Runescape. Yes back in the day when that game was $5.95 I stopped playing because of the big spike increase of membership $11 + there is nothing you can do much as a free member the most you can do is get your skills to your 30's + and that's all and the skill is Slayer always wanted a Slayer cape and so much fun co op....I wish I had someone to play with though I've an Asus Vivobook Max which that's not a gaming XD I could play RS 3 hours or 4 hours a day. I would like to go do other things in RL like find something on YT etc! Castlevania real copy vs fake or something like that. How to spot a fake Pokémon GBC game Sapphire and Ruby and same thing with DS just Google the video game of your choice and see if there is a side by side comparison. I’ve played a fake Pokémon SoulSilver and the game crashed within the middle of the video game. Still even in October I recommend anyone not to buy video games on Amazon that are not new consoles or recently new consoles. Some sellers state that their GBA games are reproduction copies. If you do buy older games there, watch out! Some people that review products on Amazon are really stupid. Some Amazon reviews I can see the person didn't read the seller description at all LOL. I will buy used games online but some people can't even read a description. You won't have any unaware damage issues etc if people would just read LOL. Looking for people to play Runescape with as well For people that  are still wondering no I let my membership go. I don't want to pay $10 a month if nobody wants to play with me. Someone I know doesn't want to keep playing anymore and canceled both of our membership plans. This person I still chat with says that he is burnt out and Runescape is so repetitive. Nah Runescape isn't repetitive. However that's what I personally believe. However I know he and many other people think Runescpae is repetitive and boring . But I'm not one of them. So that's on him and the other people that think that and suit yourself. But don't come on my inbox attacking me thinking that I'm on here too find someone to pay/play with me to play Runescape again. No you made that assumption on your own free will and in your head. Maybe stop making assumptions in your head before randomly attacking someone online. I just never updated my account the reason why I don't play Runescape anymore. That simple guys.Even if I don't play anymore this is what I personally think:Missing , Presumed Death is still my favorite quest still till this day and guess why.I play E3, nothing wrong with Old School. I just like E3 sue me and my crimes but I got nothing to say in my defense. So I guess one of my favorite video game characters! Dark Matter spam and that's a hint! I really don't care if you're offended by the word dongle either! Guess what two Runescape gods sound like my persona and can be one that isn't ranked a god etc! Let's go inbox me!  My goal is untrimmed Slayer cape. I probably might shift and get a Smithing and Runecrafting cape as I don't see a lot of those around and also the same person that canceled my membership and stopped playing with me also HATED SLAYER said he couldn't take the repetitiveness of Co Op slayer. So therefor that makes things worse of getting a 99 Co Op Slayer.  Slayer isn't fun 1 player and also if your game crashes your Co Op partner can fend off the enemy off of you or feed you food etc. A two way street.  Sadly this person no longer talks to me. I think that has to do with because of my dad. We got into some kind of argument on Snapchat which I'm no longer on about my ''toxic family'' excluding my sister. She isn't a problem.But this blog isn't about family drama so I will not keep typing about this at all.   Some games I’m not hyped about getting into are unsure about Star Fox and Metroid. I know blasphemy and vile. For me saying those things about these two series. Mana Khemia not sure if I will be into this game or not like all the games listed here. I might go look up a let’s play on YT and go from there. Rampage. Hamtaro series. Radia Stories. Rogue Galaxy. Mystic quest I wonder if I can get into this game I played this way back in the day, same with Street Fighter I loved using Blanka. It was very awful with Vega LMAO. Grandia I wonder if this series is any good also Legend of Dragoon and Starfy because I think that’s where that dancing star is from Smash Ultimate LMAO. Also The Threads of Fate hopefully I can get into this again! Also Etrian Odyssey Untold: The Millennium Girl I heard this is a remake of the first series. Hardest boss? I still can't beat the Super Boss Yiazmat on FF 12 and even with Shell on his death strike swipe hits me every time. I also want to try the Super Boss and missions on FF 13 and the second one! The third one I'm gonna look up is Let's Play as I don't play timed games unless there is a way to reverse the time etc. As you can see this will take several years for me to collect everything I want. I also want all pink consoles. Final Fantasy 13 theme PS3. I want a black Wii more than white. I also want a Hyperkin in Jasper red. Smoke is my main 64 system I want if not Ice Blue and Grape as I'm not sure how I feel about the watermelon red system. I want an Atomic Purple or any translucent GBC and GBA. I want the GBA to have a Pelican light hood attachment! What do you do all day? My headphones are normally hooked up 24/7 unless I've to get up or be somewhere. Otherwise my headphones are never off. I also could be trading on Animal Crossing.   Why don't I drive? Or work?   I've explained that in my personal/health blogs. What is your favorite food? Like if you want to know what I eat everyday I can just take a photo of the cabinet and freezer here? Haha. Do you take sleep aid? Yeah a natural one called Valerian Root without this every other day I'm normally up at 7-9 a.m. + I take this at 3:30 am and normally fall asleep within an hour. Wake up around 11 or late noon. Also I'm not a huge figure fan....I would not pay no more than $50 for a figure sorry....which my dream figure will never happen by the way heh....   Love to get the Funk Mew Funko and Raichu! Let me know what your favorite Funko pop is! I might have to look up the Funko pop you're talking about but we can still make a conversation out of that.   Dream figures! .Hack//G.U. Vol.1//Rebirth Special Edition: Video Games saw someone selling this for $80 used and some of the paint was coming off. Do you've a favorite figure or something you're saving up money on? Let me know!   .hack//G.U. FiguartsZERO Haseo (3rd Form Black) Exclusive (   Other interests? Look here. Amazon Wish List is a place where I can bookmark things to treat myself or for my sister/her husband to buy me things for Birthday and Christmas. It also has a good use of what I like instead of going on a hours and hours list of what I like. So this makes life tons of much easier on you guys. Enjoy.   Random thoughts incoming!   Yes, I  really love the soundtrack of this game which is FF 13 and FF 13 part two. I can't wait to play this game again and complete the side missions which I just completed for story mode only!   Not interested in a honeymoon because I'm terrified of airplanes. I would love to go look at comic shops if that is what my main interest was. Or look at retro video game stores that would be a blast! Plus get Starbucks or Scout Bar or Acadia Bar and Grill. My dad still in 2021 will not take me. Why? I already stated this in the family drama blogs. He won't change his mind. On a positive note, what is your favorite Starbucks drink and the nastiest one you tried. Let's make a conversation about this so that's more added in the bag   Not related to video games or other thoughts of the psyche.   If I got Married. I'm not interested in spending thousands of dollars on a wedding dress that will sit there. I just want a rare video game jewelry from my favorite franchise. I don't want to invite family. Yes I know this is bizarre behavior.   Remember that people don't live in a fantasy life filled with rainbows and daisies and sunshine. Not everyone is going to live in your fantasy head of your delusional self and lie about what you think about the so sad person but for me? All I ask is strike a conversation with me before randomly assuming false stuff about that isn't even true. Also note to yourself you're not forced to read everything in one sitting and good day or evening or afternoon wherever you're at or asleep like goodnight lol. So yes you might've gathered all I do is sit on my bed all day and tab surf and listen to music and play video games. Haha so same $hit but different hour LMAO. Want to see my setup? I will post a link at the end of this blog.   Am I a Gamestop reward member? Yes and won't renew my benefits. Why? I notice sense being a member in July I've only used my $5 off only once which was for the Super Mario Party.   DOPE or NOPE. Other stupid opening tech videos or strange videos or mystery items. Some things are WTF? That exist online? LMAO. CJUGames. This is another genuine horror YT player. I can't really stand YT uploaders that start screaming and yelling for no reason and really wasn't a scary part. Does she play any other content? Why is Gab Smolders my all time favorite? She plays an assortment of things on her YT. Some people have unfollowed her for this and keep on saying where the horror video games are at. In my wolf eyes there are so many horror games that she could play before she gets so burnt out she loses interest. So for people saying I've to unfollow her because she won't post horror content is bull $hit. She also will translate Japanese to English if the said video game has enough interest. Anything I don't like about her? Yeah, when she announced on Twitter that she supported freeing the protesters that were in jail doing a live stream and raising donations for the cause. She is very lucky she has quality content otherwise I would've unsubscribe to her. However she only posted no more than four times about BLM freeing the jailed protesters. However I don't know many female YouTube people like her or do similar things with content as I made this profile title. If you do know any females like Gab that do the similar range of YouTube content let me know. But don't think this is me saying ''replacement for Gab'' no because she stopped. But one YouTube person wasn't so lucky and he should've kept his comment to himself on Twitter. Anyone know the Black Butler Roast YouTube person? If you don't you can look up that and you will find him. Anyways he posted something similar to this that people that don't want to see BLM is part of the problem and he probably posted this because just like me I stopped logging into Instagram for a few weeks to stop seeing the violent posts etc on IG. Excuse me? That's pretty much judgmental. Did you once think before posting that status comment on Twitter that some people have PTSD or mental illnesses? Some things can cause triggers like mine. Such as I had stated before I had to logout of Instagram for a week or two because the violent images and videos were triggering my PTSD and I was starting to notice a mental dampening to my psyche. So I decided I will take action for my mental health and log out. If you're wondering how bad I would say nothing extremely massive but enough for my self-awareness to kick in telling me my thoughts and psychological level are changing. So I logged out. But for him to say that ''WE'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM'' is so judgmental. I'm sure not once in his head did he think ''anyone with mental disorders or getting triggered by graphic images or videos?'' I'm sure his answer would've been no. For him to post something like that is something ten times worse than what Gab did. Never did Gab once say on her Twitter that ''WE'RE'' the problem and if my memory serves me right I remember that Black Butler roast guy pointed the finger tons of times and Gab hasn't posted anything recently about BLM. In my personal belief some people and celebrities should keep quiet about their belief about politics and what they stand for in racial matters etc or just voice your opinion but not keep harping about the subject every single damn day as of Halloween of 2021 Gab Smolders hasn't made any comments. I'm also still not subscribing to that one Black Butler roast guy. What he said was highly insensitive. Yeah did I take any snapshots of this Twitter post? No, because why should I? I don't lie. But back on subject. Just how I feel about the YouTube Black Butler Roast people will never have my view count or subscribe ever again. That crossed the line. Extremely tasteless. Disrespectful and judgmental. Anyways Pikasprey Blue is probably the only person I can tolerate when yapping throughout the whole entire YT stream. His voice isn't really annoying or louder than the video game music himself. So he gets a A in my  and that's why I don't subscribe to commentary YT if the voice is louder than the video game music or the video game character speaking and Asprey his brother's videos are also good and I thought their Mario Party video with their friends were hilarious to me. Dansg08 is also a good one I love his voice as well or when I want to find a high quality FF Let's Play with no commentary. I think the internet is also why I can't view anything higher than 720 HD -1080 HD. My dad buys T.V. Internet cable bundle set. So you can pretty much just think how slow the internet really is. But it's hard to believe my Switch Lite says my NAT scale is a B which can connect to all servers and I also found out this year on Halloween that Nintendo has been having bugged bandwidth according to what I was told for the new games and even the new Nintendo Membership plan is having huge bug issues and according to who I chatted with that I play ACNH with says that many people are pissed. Cinemassacre. The most ironic thing is I hate cooking but I watch cooking shows? LMAO I know makes no sense. Catching on watching RuPaul right now on both the newest seasons. Do you've a favorite Drag Queen? I really love Jimbo and Miz Cracker the most. Have you seen the U.K. Series and Down Under? I need to catch up with the girl's Instagram account because there were a few that I liked in each season but I just forgot or were distracted as always LOL but if you bring up the queen's name I'll probably remember her. Or if I've to look her up I will remember her on the runway or show. Do you've a favorite cooking show? I normally am interested in Chopped or the seasonal shows that come out in the Spring. Halloween and  Christmas shows. Soon I'm getting a spiral notebook out on cooking shows I need to view. Because I missed out on the Spring and Halloween cooking shows because I forgot LOL. I also need to see the new Nailed It. Some episodes are funny and some aren't. Need to see Candy Land. Also the new The British Bake Off season that's out now. However, from what I heard this year's season is very dirty and crude jokes are very bad. Yeah idk how that's going to go with parents sure there are already news reports and claims etc. Anyways I will check out the new Project Runway out this year too! I've seen a lot of Project Runway episodes but I don't remember ALL of the winners but I'm willing to talk about these shows listed above. I might have to look up something or a season and give you my input in a few minutes but how is someone supposed to remember something when there are tons of seasons already? Project Runway is up to 19! So I guess that's another conversation starter?

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01/06/2022 02:58 PM 

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Ultimate Beast

01/06/2022 05:18 PM 

Rules (2022)

-sigh- another strange year for us all, eh?One reply a month will likely be my minimum but obviously sometimes things happen that will mean I won't be able to get on here. Don't worry though! I'll still be around and haven't ignored you--I NEVER read a message unless I'm ready to reply, to ensure I don't forget. If you add me, I expect some form of greeting (comment, message, etc.) in order for us to get things going. So, please try to remember to communicate. This is a roleplaying site but sometimes I will talk out of character in messages and status stream, but really, if we are to continue being friends, we have to at leat attempt to engage in play. I am open to simple default starters, so feel free to send!  Discussing roleplay beforehand is also good. But, let's not discuss too much, otherwise where's the mystery? I do engage in mature 18+ content, too, but it's gotta have a story! And EFFORT! Please, try your best. I don't even reply right away if I don't think I am on top form. At least three lines is the minimum of what I can work with. Maximum of three paragraphs, because, hey--we all have other things to do. In it for the long run--if you're getting bored of what we're doing, let me know, don't just ignore it or it'll get worse. If you need, have a break and come back after you've thought on it. If not, I'd be happy to work with you on something new. Really, just ask. During roleplay, feel free to talk to me if you need, or don't like the direction of the story. Don't just ignore.   That about does it! Sounds easy enough right? If not, then maybe we aren't suited.   Just a few notes then: Genres, I can work with any. I try to play Garu in a number of styles, ranging from stoic hero, to loyal servant, and perverted beast.   Obviously, I am a Digimon universe player, but don't let that discourage you! You don't need to know a damn thing about Digimon to play with me. I will play as a Digimon, sure. But I also play Garu as a furry, and werewolf if you please.     


01/06/2022 02:34 PM 

Blog Use

Currently working on my blog~ All my OC information will be located within here as well as rules. :3 Please bear with me as I transfer information over. Thanks~Zaku


01/06/2022 01:01 PM 


Summary: 'They're asking us because these soldiers have absolutely no one left to write home to,' Sakura thought with a frown. So she signs up for the Shinobi Letter Exchange, not realizing how large the consequences would be. - AUish one-shot [KakaSaku]       A KakaSaku AUish one-shot where more is exchanged than just letters. . "As you are all aware, proud men and women from our village are fighting in a war that's been going on for quite some time now," Iruka said to his classroom of students. 'Four years, three months and two days,' Sakura clarified in her head. "Some of these brave shinobi have been there a long time and need reminders of home and what they're fighting for," Iruka continued on. "As such, the Hokage has implemented a new volunteer program. Anyone who wants to can sign up with me, and you'll be assigned a soldier. While there are a lot of regulations and you can't talk about everything in case the letters get intercepted, and you won't know his or her real name for their safety, it's a rare opportunity to directly help in the war." 'They're asking us because these soldiers have absolutely no one left to write home to,' Sakura thought with a frown. 'There're away from home fighting for their lives and they have no one.' "For those of you interested, please come up to me after class. Now, for today I thought we'd work on…" Usually the studious Sakura listened to Iruka-sensei with acute attention, always eager to learn more about the glamorous shinobi world. Yet today his special announcement had caught her off guard and Iruka's voice drifted into the background. Were there really lonely men and women out there who did not realize just how amazing they were? Just how heroic the sacrifice they were making was? Coming from civilian parents, Sakura knew how hard it was to believe in something strongly and to not receive the reinforcement and praise she always desired. Her parents understood on a fundamental level why she wanted to become a shinobi, but did not sympathize when she got home dead tired. Why would she want to purposefully throw herself into something that would no doubt kill her? But Sakura was stubborn, and she thought those soldiers who refused to leave or die at the front lines must be as well. They deserved to have someone to hear from, to know there was one individual out there that cared about if they lived or not. Feeling full of self-righteousness, Sakura strutted up to Iruka's desk after being excused for the day. "I had a feeling you would be interested, Sakura," he said with a kind smile that Sakura easily returned. "And I know just the person to assign you to. They're being a little stubborn, and a lot of people have quit since they didn't write back. But I think this person needs a pen pal the most out of anyone else, and you're just the equally-stubborn individual for the job." "Is there anything you can tell me about him or her?" "Well, like I said, everything is going to be strict and regulated. I'm sorry to say I can only give them the number they're assigned to. You'll have to wait to get their return letters to know anything about them." Sakura looked at the slip of paper he gave her. It only had a four digit number: 2284. She frowned, thinking it odd that a person had been reduced to a number. Maybe it was for safety, or consistency. Or maybe it was easier to organize people if they were just numbers. "Whenever you want to write a letter, put the number on the envelope with 'Shinobi Letter Exchange' underneath. Don't worry about the postage or address. Others will take care of that." "Ok," Sakura said, suddenly feeling very small at the responsibility. "And Sakura?" Iruka asked as he reached over and put a hand on her shoulder, "Thank you." Sakura found herself grinning again from the sincerity in her teacher's voice. . Sakura sat at her desk, short legs swinging under her and toes wiggling. She pulled at her hair and nibbled on the end of her pen, wondering what she should write. She had written a very select few letters in her life. She had grandparents that lived in the country and a few times a year she sent them a letter. And of course she signed her name on their christmas cards. But this letter was entirely different. Not only was this to a stranger, but it was to someone who needed a little support in their life. And they were probably at least double her age. Yes, she felt proud for finally turning past ten into eleven last year, and Iruka said she was quite intelligent for her age, but they were more than likely way smarter than her. It was more than a little intimidating. "Well, I bet their handwriting isn't nearly as good as mine," Sakura muttered to herself before she put the pen to the paper. Dear 2284, She crumpled up that piece right away and resisted the urge to tear it to shreds. If she did not like the idea of referencing people as numbers, she was sure her mystery person would hate it all the more. She started again and only got one word in. Dear... But then who did she address it to? Soldier? Fellow shinobi? Stranger? All these options sounded empty and weak in her head. She wanted to inspire happiness in this person, no matter now small. She crumpled up that piece of paper as well. Sakura took a deep breath. Yes, this was a war-aged shinobi, but they were just a person. Just a human like Sakura, with the same organs, bone structure and senses. And once she thought about it, it was almost comforting to imagine just writing without trying to actively impress this person. And writers had always said to start with what you know. What did Sakura know best? Well, herself she supposed. And she thought that introductions would be a good place to start if any. So Sakura took a deep breath, counted down from ten, and started writing. . Hello. Unfortunately I'm not allowed to tell you my name or anything that might give me away. You may address me as anything you prefer, if you so desire and it makes you feel better. Although, it's probably best that you wait a little bit to get to know me more before choosing a nickname suddenly. I will do the same. Honestly, I don't exactly know what to write to you. I cannot empathize with what you're going through. My daily life probably seems inconsequential to the amazing heroics you preform daily. And even if you're not fighting every minute of the day, you're still putting your life out there. The person who assigned me to you told me that others have given up on you, and I am sorry that happened. I hope you don't hold it against them. I don't think they stopped writing because they disliked you, but people really like positive reinforcement and when they don't get it they probably get a little surly. I'm mad that I can't ask you what it's like out there in the front (it's a strict rule on the regulations page given to gave me). I just hope that while you have no one back here in the village, that you have people you care about out there with you. Although, I'm sure that's very frustrating. Being thankful that there are people you can connect to out there, but that you don't want to get hurt. What I'm trying to say: is I hope that you have friends out there. I hope you're not alone. I really only have one friend, but she's been there my entire life and she's amazing. One time when I was younger some classmates were picking on me because of my unusual hair color and she stood up and defended me. I hope that nothing bad ever happens to her. Friends are very important, aren't they? I hope maybe one day you can think of me as a friend. I wish I had more to say, but I think this is enough. I hope that you write back soon, so I can have more points to talk about with you. It will get awfully boring if it's just me talking all about myself. Stay safe. . Hello again. It's now been a week since I sent you your first letter. Maybe you never got it? I don't know if it's a lot quicker to send mail out there than to get things imported into the village. I was asking my school instructor about the process, and it seems really extensive. I'm a little embarrassed that not only you will be reading these letters, but also the person who screens them. (Greetings to you, too, second mystery person.) Then they pass or send it back, or black out certain names or whatever, and send it on its way. I will try my hardest not to break any of the regulations so that my letters will be able to get to you as soon as possible without any omissions. I don't know about you, but sometimes when I'm reading an old book, and a worm has eaten away a word and I'll never know what it is, I get really mad at everything. And then I wonder about exactly what those words could be for much too long. Usually I can do with the gaps, but just the fact of not knowing makes me very irritated. I would hate it if I made you go through that. Anyways, not much has changed since my last letter. School has been going alright. I got the highest score on the test again, but still the boy who I think is the cutest won't bother looking at me. I'm sorry, that was probably really boring and sounded like I was bragging, but it's simply fact. I am definitely the smartest, and arguably the prettiest, girl in the class. Aren't you lucky you have me as a pen pal? You should really show your gratitude by writing back. Have you ever been in love? I'm sorry again, that's very forward for only a second letter. I really should start over again, but I've already gone this far. I might as well keep going. I only have one more year in the academy before I'm assigned a new teacher. That is, if I manage to pass. My teacher says that I have nothing to worry about, and that if I try really hard I'll be able to get a really good teacher. Also if I begin to think about what exactly I want to do I'll have a better match and won't end up good at something I'm not naturally proficient in. I do like genjutsu, but other than that, I don't know. I wonder what it was like for you, who probably was taught in a group of three. Since so many shinobi are away, it's more beneficial just to have individual pupil-to-teacher ratios. While it's more intense, this way we get more time to study with our teachers, and we can become more specialized. Dad says that it's just a quicker way to teach us so that we can be shipped out into the war faster. But he's just a civilian, like my mom, and while he is very smart, I don't think he really understands our world somedays. If anything, we're getting better training so we can better protect ourselves. This is all just a very roundabout way of me saying I hope I get a good teacher so I can do well. Unlike the last letter, this one has gotten quite long suddenly. I eagerly await your response. Until next time. . Good morning. Or, at least it's the morning here. I have no idea when the mail comes in for you. Yesterday I went to the Cherry Blossom Festival with my best friend I mentioned earlier (let's call her Sunflower) and it was very fun. The flowers were very pretty. I could watch the petals fall all day and be perfectly content. Are you happy that winter is so far behind now? I bet the winters out there are really bad, if it's so cold here in the village. At the festival it was really nice to see our village come together, shinobi and civilians alike. But I wished people wouldn't get so publicly drunk. I bet if you're off duty you're allowed to drink. My parents say that it's relaxing after a long day, and I think you guys have the longest days without a doubt. I don't care what anyone else says, I hope that our taxes go to those sorts of comforts. I bet you and all your friends at the front would've enjoyed the festival. Maybe you did your own thing? Probably not. I just hope that you didn't have to fight a lot of people yesterday. Everyone deserves some type of peace, no matter how brief. On other news, I just finished reading this great book about the Sannin. Apparently one of them wrote it, so there's the problem of bias. But he didn't hold back on disgracing his friend for his betrayal. Some days I wonder if I'll even be able to stand in their shadows. I know that I'm still young, but I feel that I want to do a lot. Did you feel like that when you were younger? It was the reason why I became a shinobi. Did you have a reason? Or are you part of a clan? Hah, that would be funny. Me, writing dribble to someone from one of the four honorary clans. Or even one of the lesser ones. It'd make me all the more embarrassed about this. Anyways, I'm going to start reading more non-fiction. There have been so many famous shinobis from our village, and I know that I can learn at least one thing from each of their lives. I'm just having a hard time determining if I want to go back into the more obscure, older accounts or into the more contemporary ones. Maybe I'll switch back and forth until I meet in the middle. Do you read a lot? Maybe sometime I'll send you a book. Right now not a lot of books are printed, since the materials go to scrolls and explosion tags and everything. War really does change everything. I hope that you are still looking out for your health and safety. Until next week. . At first Sakura had not been overly concerned by the lack of a return letter. Iruka had explicitly warned her when she volunteered that this person had been abandoned before because of his habitual lack of response. Still, after she had sent out her twelfth letter and she still had not gotten anything in return, she began to feel concerned. After the sixteenth letter that went unanswered she just felt angry. But surprisingly, even to herself, she sat down and wrote a letter to this person every week. It was therapeutic in how every Saturday morning she would sit at her desk and write. Sometimes Ino wanted to go out and play on those mornings, but Sakura held firm that she wanted to stay and write her letters. Ino's dad was out there as well and the blond girl wrote letters to him almost daily. "He calls me his little piglet as my codename. I have no idea why, considering he could have just called me 'Blossom' or something actually flattering," Ino had complained about it to Sakura one day. "I named you Sunflower for my code," Sakura shared. Ino answered her with a wide, toothy smile and a tight hug that Sakura eagerly returned. So even though she was writing to a complete stranger, Ino understood that Sakura just wanted to keep writing. And keep writing Sakura did. She was fueled my a mixture of long standing annoyance that this person had not responded and that she would keep going until something finally came in her mailbox. Iruka called her one of the most stubborn people he had ever met, and also said she had probably been a little hardened by the war prematurely. But Sakura still found the time to coo after Sasuke between her studying. Sakura still somewhat resented this person from never writing back, but soon she envisioned that maybe they just physically or mentally could not do it. Yet at this point, Sakura would be happy about getting an abstract splatter ink drawing. But her annoyance became slowly eroded by the simple monotony of writing. It was relaxing and freeing in a way, knowing that the other person would not respond, no matter what she put in the letter. So she vented, shared and talked about anything that struck her fancy. Her days of intimidation by this mystery person were long gone. Despite this, Sakura hoped that whoever this was read her letters. They probably were bored with them, but Sakura had started this and she was going to keep going with them. . Good morning to you on this fabulous day of personal accomplishment. Remember how I wrote to you all that while back about getting a new teacher? Well, guess who I got? TSUNADE. (To the person screening this: it is very old information that Tsunade is Hokage. This is not new information in any way, so I request that you do not black out the name. There is no way, even if this letter is intercepted, that the enemy can glean any new information from it.) You read that name correctly (because there really is no reason to black it out). I got the honored Hokage as my new teacher. Let me just write that again- the HOKAGE. I'll call her the Slug Queen in future letters. Apparently she was there when we were screening us for abilities and she noticed my 'exceptional chakra control,' as she said so herself. I never thought that I was particularly good at that, but apparently I use the exact amount for my jutus. My training starts this week and I'm so nervous I feel that I may throw up that morning. Or even now. Really, any moment lately. While I know she's beautiful and really accomplished, she's very harsh on those around her. She demands that everyone around her live up to their full potential. I'm sure this war would have ended a long time ago in our disfavor if she wasn't our leader. I wonder what it was like living under the past Hokage like you did. It's crazy to think that the assassination of him and his wife was the tipping factor for why we started planning for war. I've read all about him, but did everyone really love him as much as all the literature says? Do you know about the myth that they had a child but hid it away because they knew war was coming and they didn't want him to be in danger? But that's just what the younger kids at the Academy whisper about, so it's obviously bogus. Anyways, back to myself (since you never respond). It's kinda sad graduating and knowing everyone's going their own separate ways. I'm really going to miss the boy I like, and even that annoying blond kid. Even the kid with all those bugs. Especially my Sunflower friend, even though she's still mad and won't talk to me anymore because I like the same boy as her. I've already been missing her for a while now. It just really feels like everyone is growing up. I just hope that we don't grow apart. Please keep yourself hydrated through this warm summer and be careful. . Sakura's training was tough, but she pushed herself through it daily. She thought about Naruto and Sasuke and how well they were advancing, and how there were rumors that maybe they could finally end this war through their raw talent and power alone. It made Sakura envious, which made her angry, which made her a little reckless. "What were you thinking trying my taijutsu like that already?" Tsunade snapped as she wrapped up Sakura's left hand. The right one was already done, and Sakura was staring at it morosely. "You could have done much worse than breaking all those bones." Sakura winced as Tsunade unnecessarily tightened the bandage; it hurt plenty enough already. As if sensing just how down and useless Sakura was feeling, the pig-tailed woman sighed and sat down beside Sakura. Tsunade wrapped her hand around Sakura and pushed her comfortingly into her impressive bossom. "I know you're seeing your friends Naruto and Sasuke succeed by leaps and bounds. But they're not learning what you are: which is how to save and protect everyone else. Without medics, and people like you who can think and make plans and then actually execute them on skill and not just raw luck alone, this war would have been long gone." Sakura sniffled pathetically. "I know it's hard, but you're doing great. I already know you're secretly doing my Strength of a Hundred Seal. And it seems unlike my ability to create valleys with my fist, you're getting that jutsu down just fine." "Really?" Sakura asked with a hiccup. "Sakura," Tsunade said with a sigh before pulling back and looking into her tearful green eyes. "Despite you being my only student I've ever had, you're also my best." The girl frowned at that. "But still, I'm not going to fully heal your hands or give you medicine to take away the pain. You need to learn your lesson about being impatient." Sakura huffed before saying: "Fine." . It was not like Sakura was helpless with two broken hands, but it was still frustrating. It allowed her to focus on strategies if she ever did get her hands incapacitated, and working on taijutsu with her legs, but it was mostly just a pain. Even little, simple tasks took four times longer than usual. She had to struggle to turn the page on her books. Sakura was forced to drink a lot of her food now. Most times she just lied around moping and storing up energy for her seal. She wondered what color it would be. If it would be the same shade as Tsunades or maybe something entirely different. Sakura did not even realize she had not written her weekly letter until her mom told her she had gotten something in the mail. "For me?" Sakura asked, a bandaged hand scratching her head confusedly. "Well, it had our address and your name, so that's what I naturally assumed. It's up in your room." She looked at it for a long time as it just innocently sat on her desk. It was a little battered, and it seemed that at one point it had gotten waterlogged, but she opened it with the excitement of a shiny, perfectly wrapped present on Christmas morning. Because it had finally happened: her mystery soldier had written back! Before she took out the piece of paper, she closed her eyes and dreamed about what she might read. Maybe there was even a clue about who they were? A fun, silly anecdote about when they'd been her age? Not being able to take the anticipation anymore, Sakura pulled it out. Why did you stop writing? She turned the page up and over, but that was it. The person had not even really signed it, and had only drawn the crude face of a scarecrow at the bottom corner on the sad. This almost entirely empty piece of paper with five scrawled words and a cartoon face did not constitute as a true letter in any way or form. Well, if anything, at least she finally had a nickname to call this person by. . Dear Scarecrow, Your first attempt at a letter was the antithesis of pathetic. But I finally have something to make a nickname for you. I did not know I was corresponding with such an obviously skilled artist. I want to thank you for finally responding back. I do not know if you have read my letters, and if so, why you have decided to remain silent for so long. First, I thought it might be because you were injured and recovering. I imagined that you had cut your hands while saving your friend from a katana, funneling chakra into your hands to stop the blow. But still you got your hands cut deep in the process, making it impossible for you to hold a pen or pencil. Then I thought that maybe it was too wet where you were stationed, as it was typhoon season and apparently the front lines were heavily hit. Didn't people nearly drown from refusing to move from a strategic river spot? Don't respond to that, they may burn your letter. Or maybe it was the winter, and you were shivering too badly that your handwriting became illegible. I imagined that you were just too busy with a war going on to write back to a silly little girl. And I realized that this was the most viable option. There was recently the Cherry Blossom Festival here again. I wrote to you about it last year. I almost can't believe it's been over a year and a half since I started writing to you weekly. No wonder I'm still in shock of your lacking response. I forget to write one week and you call me out on it while you haven't done it this entire time? Hubris: look it up. I've written you almost seventy letters and you can't even manage to give me seven words. Congratulations. Clearly you're a genius among us mortals. To show just how frivolous I am, I have included a flower I pressed at the festival. I hope that some of the sweet scent manages to stick around when you receive this. Even if you don't deserve it because it was kinda rude to make me wait that long. Fun fact: the petals are nearly the same shade as my hair. Please stay safe. . I have never had any family or friends to write back to. They are all either dead or here. Excuse my inability. . Dear Scarecrow, I apologize for my lack of finesse in my last letter. I didn't even bother explaining why I didn't write for a week either, the sole point in your own letter. I tried doing some secret, personal training of something I'd seen Slug Queen do, and ended up shattering the bones in my hands. Slug Queen healed some of the breakage, but only enough that it would heal correctly. So for the past few weeks I've been learning how to live without hands for the most part. This was actually the main reason why my letter was so aggressive. It's very painful to move my hands, but I really wanted to write a letter to you. I could have just written a bereft thing like you have the clear skill of, but I was just very excited about finally getting a response from you. Please don't feel guilty. I could have just asked someone else to write down what I said if I really needed them to. But I really don't want to do that since (even though those screeners read these before you) I feel that this a very personal endeavor for me to you. As for your lack of experience, it's really not that hard. Obviously you're able to write, and that's the biggest hurdle. The second is being able to read, but that usually goes hand-in-hand with writing. Although I honestly have no idea if you read my letters, or just simply cast them aside for another time. Yet judging by how you immediately realized I'd missed a week, I think you're more than just aware of them. Other than that, you write about anything you want. At first I was nervous, but eventually I didn't hold back. I think since you're older, you should share some anecdotes about when you were a kid. Despite our age difference, maybe we grew up with similar fashions or sayings or favorite foods. What are your happiest memories? Again, I'm sorry for my lack of sympathy in my last letter. I think I've almost fully healed my hands, so I should very soon be back to writing you novella length letters. Until next time when you respond with that scratching you call handwriting. . When I was promoted to jōnin I took on a mission that got my teammate killed. My happiest memory was realizing, as he died, that he was my best friend. I had not realized how much I loved and appreciated him until that moment. My second happiest memory was realizing I loved the girl who had made herself die at my hand. She was the girl my best friend loved and who I'd promised to protect right before he died. Please don't ask about my parents. I warned you I was bad at this. . Dear Scarecrow, I do not know what to say. I have known pain (my hands are all healed now), but I cannot even begin to imagine what that must be like. But surely those aren't your happiest memories. If not, I hope that someday you'll be able to replace them. That's not to mean that you should forget about your friends. And I don't mean to insult you by saying I don't think they want you to remember them like that. I'm supposing they were part of your three-genin group and I'm sure you went on better missions and had better days than their deaths. Apparently there was a cat that always got loose- did you and your friends ever have to chase it down? I heard the cat burned in the great fire. I had been very young during that fire, but I can still remember the heat. I wish you could tell me their names so I could go put some flowers on their graves. Maybe I'll try and research it, but it would be impossible to know if instead their names are on the cenotaph. I'm guessing your best friend is. I should go and do that always. A lot of people visit there now and there's always flowers. Maybe this will make you feel better: I saved my first life today. A boy had been training and had cut his leg clean off, and the Slug Queen let me try and reattach it all by myself before he bled out. The bone was a little tricky because the cells are more complicated, but I managed it all the same. He didn't even have a scar when I was done. Slug Queen said I did a really great job and soon I should be able to lead more surgeries so she can focus on other things. It's now been almost a year since my training began. The Queen says it's a waste of my time since I'll obviously pass, but I need to sign up for the chΕ«nin exam. I know the usual age of passing is thirteen now. Before it used to be fifteen, but the war speeds things up I suppose. I bet you were much younger than me when you made chΕ«nin, if you were already a jōnin still in a three-man team. I want to apologize if the beginning of my letter seemed preachy, or if I overstepped my boundaries. I have not lost any close friends to the war. I lost relatives in the great fire I previously mentioned, but I was too young to really remember them. I wish I could think of something better to cheer you up with than my own accomplishments. But it probably helps to know that the next generation has not been weakened by the war. If anything, we've become stronger. What do you do with your friends over there to kill time? Like I've said in past letters, I read a lot when I want to relax. Do you do the same? Maybe your short responses are hiding your literary prowess. They probably hide a lot. You took two weeks to respond this time. Is everything alright? I hope it is and I will be able to hear from you promptly. Farewell for now. . I can't write as fast as you, and there's not much I can tell about here other than the food is horrible. I do enjoy reading, but all my books are ruined by the rain and mold. He'll like getting flowers from a girl. He also would have been the one needing his leg reattached like that boy. Congratulations on that. . Dear Scarecrow, First, I want to thank you for responding so quickly. I asked the postman the other day how long it usually takes for a letter to get to the front lines, and it can be as quickly as two or as long as four. Sending back letters is usually quicker, only one or three days. Since your latest response arrived five days after I sent my letter, I can safely assume you dedicated yourself to a speedy response. And now you get to have a letter from me all the faster. Aren't you lucky? I'm sending you a book with this letter, if they haven't confiscated it. I don't think they would, unless the saga of 'The Dragon King' is illegal. It's really just about love, so I can't see how it would be taken away. I hope that you'll enjoy it, as I've loved it ever since I was very small. I enjoy the simplicity of the story: that not all guys who are bad have to be, that anyone with a strong, sure heart can make it through anything. The postman also said that if it fits in an envelope, he'll mail it for me. I plan to bribe him with fresh baked goods so he'll pass along larger envelopes. (Maybe even large enough envelopes that I can fit some cookies into it for those who screen it.) I will also try and find some yarn so I can knit you a scarf. It must be getting really cold out there, and it wouldn't do good to let your face get cold and for your senses to dull because of it. Do you have a color you'd prefer? I might not be able to get it, but Slug Queen does owe me a favor for attaining some more sake for her on the side. Everything over here as been fine for me. Slug Queen has put me up for more hospital shifts. At first I was a little worried about working there because I still am fairly young, but everyone there is very friendly. Also, most nurses are my age and the doctors are very old. Anyone in between is already out there with you guys, or out at neighboring villages offering aid. Also, I've started working on identifying poisons and learning how to remedy them. Apparently Slug Queen is second to none in making them, and that she says I'm fairly good at them. Not as good as my natural affinity for chakra control (I can now create an earthquake with a punch- how cool is THAT?) but if I practice and work enough I can learn how to be better. I hope that you're still trying hard out there as well. Again, I hope you enjoy the book. I know it's small and a fast read, but please enjoy. Also please be careful with it and keep it safe. It was the copy from when I was a girl. I know you're not allowed to send anything back but letters, so you'll have to keep it safe until the war ends and I can pick it back up. (Yes, this is me giving you another reason to make it through if you didn't already have enough.) Maybe you'll start responding faster and we can correspond every five days instead of seven now. Wouldn't that be nice. Goodbye for now. . It's really dreary around here (the mushrooms love it) so something bright and soft. Yellow if you can manage it? I enjoyed the book. . Dear Scarecrow, I hope you like the yellow I picked out. While I like this goldenrod shade, I think it's a little darker than what you were imagining. All the same, it is the color you requested so I'll count it as a victory. Don't you dare get blood on it! Just kidding, I can just make you another one now that I have finally gotten the hang of it. The stitches are still a little bulbous, but I like the way it looks still. I made an infinity scarf so you don't have to worry about an enemy grabbing hold onto one end to pull you down. This way it can sit quite snuggly around your neck and shoulders. I hope it's not too bulky. Last winter I tried making you a scarf, but I was not confident enough in my ability. It's a sad excuse of a thing, bright red with way too many holes and misaligned lines. You and no other will ever see just how badly I failed at my first attempt. I pride myself in being a fast learner, but this took a lot of patience. I have leftover yarn from the scarf and I tried to make you matching gloves, but like the first scarf, it did not turn out well. Although, I don't think you would cut a very intimidating sight to the enemy dressed in matching, obviously homemade knit articles. Yes, I can see through you fishing for more books. Try working on your stealth more. I'll send you another one from my collection next time, since the scarf took up all the space in this envelope. I hope that you're doing alright out there. I know that the weather is soon going to change for the worst. In my haste to finish the scarf I had to omit taking time to write up a nice long letter to go with it, so I'll try and sum up what's been happening quickly. It's flu season, so of course the hospital is in total disarray. I assisted Slug Queen in some complicated, experimental surgeries I wish I could tell you more about, but it seems I have some secrets to keep on my side as well now. I moved out of my parent's and into a quaint, old apartment closer to the hospital. I really like it so far. I got a plant. I still do not have a name for him. Any suggestions? I think that's it. Please stay warm and hydrated, remember to wear layers. During seasons like this, more soldiers die from exposure than enemies. And remember most of all: don't get sloppy or careless and get yourself killed. . Sakura's warm breath crystalized as she waiting at her mailbox, large envelope held tightly against her chest. It was snowing, but the snow simply brushed off the clear tape she had wrapped the envelope in to avoid just this occurrence. It would not do good to have her newly made scarf get soaked and then freeze. She was sure her scarecrow would not appreciate a gift to warm him coming in a block of ice. She eyed the postman coming around the bend and jumped to grab the thurmous. She poured a cup of hot chocolate and offered it to him as he approached. "Ah, good afternoon yet again, Sakura. I see you have quite a large letter for me there," he said, gratefully taking the offered cup with a smile. "If it wouldn't be too much trouble," she said hopefully. "Maybe… if you give me the rest of this delicious hot chocolate," he said with a chuckle, smile widening behind the curling steam. Sakura felt her shoulders straighten in pride before passing over the envelop and beverage container to him wordlessly. "Thank you," she said as she watched him put the package in his satchel. His smile turned a little sad for a moment before he reached forward and ruffled her hair, causing the snow that had accumulated there to drift down onto her jacket. . The scarf is perfect and all my comrades are envious. I suggest Mr. Ukki. . Dear Scarecrow, I thought about knitting you a hat, but stopped. For one, because of my inability to do so, and two, because just like the mittens, I think it would clash horribly with your cool-guy reputation and that you wouldn't wear it. Although, if you're so tickled-pink about showing up your friends, you probably would wear it just to spite them. The book I included are some old histories of the four noble clans of Konoha. I thought it was a little dated, and obviously biased in some aspects, but interesting none-the-less. I just wish it had better information on some of the newer clans and bloodlines. Slug Queen is making me do research on bloodlines and such, so I can better understand all types of patients. I'm a little fearful that all this extra assignments outside of training and the hospital is her preparing me for her position, or at least for the next Hokage's assistant. While it would be amazing to be so high-up, I mostly enjoy the hospital. I wonder what it was like to do missions outside of our boarders. I've done a few missions, but they were all safely in the village. Slug Queen says I shouldn't bother myself with such stuff when other younger, less specialized kids can do it. But I like them, and some days I dream of begin able to leave the village to travel. I cannot believe that in a few years the war will be over a decade long. Yet I believe it will not go on that long, and soon I will be able to travel. Did you travel a lot before the war? I feel that you have a lot of fun stories to tell, and probably a few are from abroad. Speaking of stories, you have never commented during the entirely of our correspondence about the war before. Maybe you think a higher-up will see your lack-luster opinion and criticize you? Although, you must have one dumb general if he thinks this war is still glorious. More likely, no information about the war can be given. Or you're thinking about it so constantly you don't want to have to write it down. Regardless, I still hope you're doing alright out there after being gone for so long: both mentally and physically. I cannot even imagine the homesickness you must go through. Although maybe it's been so long you're just numb to it all. In case you're wondering, the village has barely changed at all. Yes, people are growing up, but the buildings and businesses are nearly all still here. And they'll stay here waiting until you return. I'm sorry for feeling so nostalgic today, and if it's painful for you to think about, but I realized the other day that it's now been about three years since that first letter to you. It's hard to believe, but the drawer full of your sparse responses is evident of it. And if I have such a collection, I can scarcely imagine the horde of my letters you have. Or maybe you don't have room to keep them. I won't blame you if you didn't. I really can't wait to meet you after the war. It's happening, don't argue. We'll figure it out somehow. Also, I appreciate how your responses have become speedier. Thank you. Until my next letter. Oh, and before I forget: I told Mr. Ukki all about you and the name you gave him. He seems very happy, and similarly cannot wait to meet you. He seems a little lonely all by himself though, so I think I need to go get a Mrs. Ukki now. . I have never written about the war because there is nothing to say about it. I grew up into the beginnings of it and I'm just living through it. I will be fine. I always have been. . Dear Scarecrow, Alright there, man with a heart of immovable ice. I thought I told you to stay warm during this winter. And it's pretty obvious to nearly anyone that only those who say they're fine really aren't. But I can tell that you don't want to talk about it (or for me to try and talk about it and you just ignore the heavy hints). I did get another plant, and she is quite lovely. I think that Mr. Ukki is very happy with his pretty, young new wife. It helps him get through this cold winter, since I don't want to waste money on heating my one-room apartment. Maybe I'm being thrifty, but I'm trying to save money for when I can travel, or really just for a better time to spend it at. I have so much to do at the hospital that but the time I get back I'm dead on my feet. Recently Slug Queen started this charity program for the hospital. It takes possessions from dead shinobi, stuff their families don't want or need, and then sells it off. The money generated goes to funds for more medicine and supplies for soldiers still fighting. Anyway, there's was this fairly large section of books and I bought about eight boxes, nearly all of it. Slug Queen though it both odd and hilarious that I spent nearly an entire paycheck on dusty old books, but then she spends hers on illegal sake so whatever. She can mentor me on some things, but others I don't trust her on. What this all means is that I can now send you a book with every letter for a bit now! I know, it's exciting, calm down. Cool guy reputation right? Heart of ice that you can't allow to crack? I realize you probably won't be able to keep so many books, so you should just hand them over to your friends once you're done. I can't knit them all their own scarves, but at least this way you can help share. Although maybe they get much more than you. My Sunflower friend sends her father stuff nearly daily. It must be nice to be that loved. I wish I could send you more things. I expected to be more lonely living by myself, but it's actually not too bad. Friends come and go, and I can always just write to you if I get lonely or bored. And now the lovely Mr. and Mrs. Ukki are here to keep me company. I hope that your friends take up a ridiculous amount of time to distract you from everything. My opinion all those years ago about taxes being used to get you all properly drunk sometimes still stands unmoved. This is somewhat embarrassing, and I wasn't thinking of adding this, but I can't help it. Sometimes when I'm bored at work, or I just need to relax, I draw really bad renditions of what your face may look like. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm stupidly envious of everyone who knows you. I admit, I have always been curious. The fact that I can write to you about anything except who know who you are is infuriating to me. Anyways, I'm never including one of those doodles. Ever. No argument. For your response I eagerly await. . I wouldn't dare to share the books with the others. It's good that you can't send more than you do. I'm already indebted to you as it is. To be honest, I enjoy your words just as much as these published verses. Yes, that even includes the one time you wrote about that new flavor of yogurt you loved for two (very lengthy) paragraphs in vivid detail. You must realize you don't need to see my face to know me. . Dear Scarecrow, So I think maybe you're just acting like a petulant child unwilling to share rather than actually worrying about how your friends treat literature. You must have been an only child. It's so obvious. Onto more important matters: a seal I've been working on for the past three years has finally shown up. It's on my face, and I can't tell if I like it or not. It's a little disconcerting to suddenly have something new and obvious on your face, directly in the middle of your forehead. I didn't get to see it manifest, but when it did Slug Queen suddenly stopped and gaped at me when she was lecturing me, so it probably looked at least a little cool. And the Queen says it doesn't matter if I like how it looks or not, because it will probably save me and all my comrades lives one day. In classic mentor fashion, she told me not to get full of myself and to put even more chakra into it daily. I agree with her like almost always, but it's hard not to care about your appearance when one of your best friends is the town beauty queen. Yes, the Sunflower friend. By the way, did I ever tell you we've made up? It's extremely rewarding to see such long term investments finally begin to pan out. Sorta like your letters. I think you beat your record in that last letter. Four paragraphs, twenty sentences in total? Don't strain your hand too much now. Maybe this is as boring as when I used to droned on about my Moon friend, but boys are starting to notice me. I know that I'm older now, and my body shows just that, but it's still a little odd to feel that sensation of being watched to turn around and see guys staring at your behind. Tsunade says not to worry about it, and that if they really annoy me I can just break their ribs. There's a lot of valuable organs around there that would be a shame to get ruptured. In a way, sometimes it's fun to flirt with them and get them flustered, only to leave them just as they finally remember where their tongues are. Maybe it's cruel, but it's still entertaining. Oh god, I'm such a jerk, aren't I? This brings me back to that letter I wrote that was all about my hair routine. Maybe initially my letters had a serious tone and a vocabulary that made me seem like a stiff grandma. I don't know whether to be happy or sad that I've loosened up my writing style. Like always, stay safe mighty guard. . I admit: I thought you were a forty year old mother from your first letter. Imagine my shock finding you were an Academy student. Don't be too cruel to those poor boys. I'm sure many are falling over themselves, and they just don't know how to spot danger and and run from it just yet. Good thing they aren't out here, else they would have been gone within hours. Forget about breaking their ribs, those heal quickly enough. Break their hearts if they really bother you. That pain will last much longer. . And so the letters continued on for months and then years more. Sakura realized in utter dread that her scarecrow's letters became increasingly depressed and clipped. Sometimes she could get him to write more than a few sentences, but it kept getting harder and harder as time wore on. Yet he still made every effort to write back, and Sakura continued to gather his letters carefully in a drawer. Before she had just put them in randomly, but one day she took time away to organize them into a photo album. The responses were usually just slips of paper and easily fit into the plastic squares. Some days when she felt down, like when a patient could not be saved, or a young widow came in from malnutrition caused by heartache, Sakura flipped through them. She had not yet gone through them all individually. She was saving that for a special day. Maybe they could go over them together? Sakura had thought that she loved Sasuke, and her feelings she felt for this mystery person was akin to that, but not identical. Was it even possible to feel so strongly for a person she had never met? Not to mention she did not even know who this person even remotely was. She had only decided this stranger was a man because of his messy handwriting and clipped tone. It was a little biased based on gender, but Sakura had seen enough handwritings from doctors for some semblance of reference. Their correspondence still covered everything and anything, and always nothing about the war even if Sakura burned to know about it. To know her scarecrow faired in it, and if those enemy creatures were as horrible as soldiers said they were. But the rules were strict, and he never offered anything. Then something seemed to have recently switched for the man. Because in the past few weeks her scarecrow was channeling all that anger and aggression towards the war into his writing for her. While before Sakura had been lucky to get a few sentences, now he wrote pages. Just the other day Sakura had gotten a three-page long letter from him. True, nearly all of it was describing his ninnken and how each one was special (although all equally amazing). She had enjoyed the attached sketches of the dogs the most, which were a lot better than any of the doodles Sakrua had ever made of his imaginary face. It was a clear bribe to get one of those, but she was not giving in. He also demanded that if anything happen to him, she would have to take care of them. Right now they were still out on the field with him, but because he had no one else to fall back on, she would have to take custody of them. He even made her sign a contract in blood, which she sent back with mixed feelings of honor and worry. He assured her that his dogs already adored her on her lingering scent on the letters alone. Sakura wrote back about her life as well. Some days she could barely put a pen in her hand, when her fingers were stiff and shaking from half-day long surgeries, or had just done hours of taijutsu training with Tsunade. But she just mercilessly cracked her knuckles, bit down the grunt of pain, and filled up at least a page with her neat handwriting to send off. Her scarecrow was the same in his resilience to write no matter what. Apparently one time he got his entire right hand severed, and barely an hour after the reattachment surgery he had written her a letter. It had threatened the delicate restitching and his medic had yelled at him for a five minutes. Sakura would have yelled at him for a good hour. She stomped around her apartment yelling for that long, until a neighbor came and asked her politely to please stop making it sound like the village was being invaded. Sakura worried that her scarecrow was writing so much and so frequently because he was worried he would not be around much longer. That he had to get things out, to tell her silly things and stories, before he physically could not anymore from passing on. Still, the war carried on and his letters gave her an equal amount of hope as well as trepidation. Lately there had been a lot of soldiers brought in from the front who were too severely injured to be treated adequately there. Apparently the creatures were getting more active; Madara seemed ready to unleash himself on the world. Infiltration attempts to find his lair failed each time, only resulting in losses. Sakura watched as Tsunade became increasingly stressed; she was sure if not for that jutsu her Slug Queen would look much older than her actual age. Sakura had mixed feelings about the soldiers coming in. Half of her wanted her scarecrow to come, but the other half wanted him to remain strong and steady as he had all these days, months and years. Eventually she realized it silly to think that he would come back to get healed; he would die out there trying before abandoning it. So every time Sakura got a letter, reaffirming that he was not dead and very much alive and fighting, she felt not just a wave, but a tsunami of relief pass over her. . Dear Scarecrow, I turned sixteen today. Apparently I'm a full fledged adult in the shinobi world now. I don't feel like it. It's just all very surreal. My blond friend (or my Sun friend) gave me a gag gift of some porny literature that his mentor apparently writes. I read it, and it doesn't seem too bad despite the gratuitous descriptions at the sex scenes. I've never heard so many inaccurate nouns for 'penis.' Sun's mentor gets points for creativity at least. I thought that you might like it, so I've included it for you. Not to say that you're a pervert, but I feel that you're a romantic in some ways. And while there are sad parts in the book, overall it's uplifting. I know you'll appreciate that. And not to get sexist, but in my experience a lot of guys like porn. Anyway, it's small but I bet it'll really pack a punch for your overgrown love of romance. I hope you enjoy it. As always, please be safe. . The book was amazing. The best by far. Send more if at all possible. . My Scarecrow, I know it's impossible to miss the presence of someone you've never met, but I still cannot help but feel that with you. I wish you could have been here today for me to see just how far I've come. Anyways, I made jōnin today, and so did my Sun and Moon friends. My Sunflower friend only got a partial advancement, but she's ecstatic all the same. For entertainment to the public, they had us compete against others and the person I went against made fun of my hair to try and break my moral. I kicked him out of the stadium, and he had such grievous injuries that Slug Queen had to personally heal him. I thought she would be mad, but when I explained what he'd said about me, she laughed so hard she cried. Then she gave me a whole bottle of sake and we drank it in celebration. I don't think she should help foster my temper that has gotten a bit drastic lately. Maybe that's why I said that convoluted sentence as a start. It's kinda weird and funny being drunk. I like it. I approve. Is my handwriting different? Am I not using as many big words as usual? I wonder if you thought it weird when I was beginning to write and already knew so many. I really pride myself over my vocabulary. And I was really trying to impress you because I was so scared that you wouldn't respond or would think me stupid and hate me. But I know that you don't hate me. Maybe you even like me in some sort of way. I like you quite a lot, when I think about it. I'm getting pretty sleepy suddenly. I should metaphorically sign off before I embarrass myself even more. I really wish you were here. And again, I miss you. Until next time when I'll be sober again. Maybe. I really do like this feeling. Why aren't people drunk ALL the time? Goodnight. . They'll try sending you out here now. Promise me you won't go. Hope the headache wasn't too bad. . Dear Scarecrow, The headache wasn't the best, but it also wasn't the worst. After you've dealt with woman in labor screaming for hours, you get used to a ringing in your ears and an inability to feel like yourself for a bit. I don't know why you're so worried. I'm just a medic so even if I am involved in the war, I would just heal people in the back lines. Not that I can't take care of myself. Didn't I say I explain how I punted a guy out of an arena just for making fun of my hair? I can take care of myself. I see that you're back to your small responses. Do you not have a lot of time anymore? I enjoyed those times when you sent me long letters. Did I ever tell you I keep all your old slips of responses in a photo album? Some of your letters were too long to fit in the small plastic squares, so I keep them in their original envelopes. I'll hopefully find some larger plastic sheets soon enough. I also want to frame those sketches of your lovely ninken. Say hello and give them a nice long belly-rub for me. I'm sorry I similarly can't write as much lately. The hospital has been overrun, and Slug Queen has been stepping up the training. I feel that something is really starting to form. Until another day and letter. . You need to promise me. . Dear Scarecrow, Since you're clearly ignoring everything else I'm saying, I promise that I won't volunteer to go into the war. The Hokage says I have way too much to learn anyway before I'm remotely ready to head out there. I could make a difference if I went now, but I can change the war if I stay and continue working. But, again, you must know I'm strong and able to protect myself. I think she's planning something with my Sun and Moon friends, though. But there is no use in worrying, and I'll just have to wait. I just wish she would include me more on her plans. Did you know, I've been calling you by the same nickname this entire time because of your funny little signatures, but you have never given me one? I would be a little disheartened that you did not care if not for your speedy responses. Can you believe it's already almost winter again? I wonder if your scarf has kept up over all these years. I bet it's pretty dismal despite how well you might've taken care of it. Also, Mr. and Mrs. Ukki now have five lovely children! They were getting a little big, so I cut them back, and then thought I might try to propagate some of the clippings All the cuttings took, and now there are small little bits of themselves growing. You will obviously get one when you get back, as it is your right as their godfather. Don't argue, it was decided the moment you named him. Just think: after this war is finally done all you'll have to worry about guarding is a small plant. You can finally live up to the full potential of your nickname from me! Hopefully you can think of another winning name to give to the little tike. Me and the lovely Ukki family await for your response. . The scarf is still well, as am I since you finally agreed. I apologize, as I cannot write much but this today. Even though I know you will, do not worry. . Sakura hummed as she arranged paperwork on Tsunade's desk. She could feel the older woman's eyes on her. The full sake cup in her hand sat forgotten. Finally giving in, as she felt she may instantaneously combust any moment now by Tsunade's intense gaze, Sakura turned to her with her eyebrows furrowed in silent question. "Sakura, I need to talk to you about something," her blond sensei said with a sigh, suddenly not looking like the pillar of strength and ability she was known to be. This must be really serious if she was looking older than she liked her jutsu to show. Taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk, Sakura crossed her hands atop her lap and waited patiently for her mentor to speak. "As you're aware, Madara is nearing an end to his hibernation. Soon he'll stop with his defensive warfare and start wiping out all the villages, picking them off when they are weakened by physical separation." At the idea of her entire world disappearing, Sakura shivered. "In that vein, I have decided that we're going to do one last, final push. Naruto and Sasuke are ready to face him. I recognize it's a risk allowing Sasuke to get close to the other Uchiha, that he may be converted. But it is a risk we have to take." Sakura looked down at her lap and counted her breaths up to ten before she trusted herself with speaking. "Naruto is going to be estatic about being a hero," she said as she stood with a start, willing her tears to not fall. "No matter how much I tell him that war isn't glamorous, he is set on the idea of becoming a hero." "He's going to be alright, Sakura. You, and everyone else now, need to trust that he's ready to do this." "I'm coming, obviously," Sakura said with a huff, green eyes flashing with more than just unshed tears. "I would never leave my favorite apprentice behind when I need her the most."


01/06/2022 12:56 PM 


    I met Mi Tesoro in the back of a taxi cab, and we fell in love. I spoke the Italian phrases my Papa sang to me as a child into his ear, my teeth grazing his cheek and his neck still.   But stolen Italian lullabies led to stolen kisses under bridges, and Mi Tesoro became more than my treasure, he became distruzione in my eyes. An unstoppable path of rosso and arancia, growing taller and taller, lapping at the trees.   My treasure was lost to the seas of hatred and forced love under stormy clouds in the pitch black of night. The lullabies I was gifted once upon an aging knee vanished.   I forgot my Italian words where I misplaced my innocence, somewhere among the broken records and shipwrecks of a disastrous relationship.         My second lover was a girl who wore smiles like they were free; she turned my cheek to the side whenever I thought she would place her lips upon mine. I was thoroughly enamored by the grace of her, by the pure wonder in every glance of pure vert.   Her hands held pencils and pens meant for crafting worlds you found in storybooks, and she wouldn't stop until she had written the beauté of life into existence.   So I kissed her fingertips and wrote Mon Cœur on her collarbone in red sharpie, and God did she look good wearing my color, dancing along to a song she didn't know.   But unchecked amour crumbles as only it can do and I am left without my heart pulsing in my chest; I stare after her as she folds her hand over my beating life source and slowly drains the resistance out of it.   I do not mourn my missing organ that was pulled forcibly from my ribs, only the girl who stole it when I wasn't looking.         I didn't fall in love the third time, but I used my Babcia's language out of trust. I wrote things of the Polish language inside her mouth, offering her the cool refreshment of poetry when it was too difficult to gulp down.   I gave her a name my Babcia called me once, while looking up at the sky. Raj. She became as so; my light in eternal darkness twinkling upon the barren earth. I looked to her for guidance. I poured my heart and soul into who she was.   But there is a reason Polish is not a love language, and she redefined that the day she pulled from my friendly embrace and left me in the shadows.   Znaczysz dla mnie tak wiele.   Sleepless nights follow, and a feeling of blame is constructed by us alone. We thought we were being careful. You were blind. I was intrusive.   But we had been przyjaciele, not lovers.         Nothing changes because life refuses to wait; it is a fixed set of courses we overcome to truly breathe in fresh air. So I face my past head on.   I meet mi tesoro in a coffee shop and buy his girlfriend a drink. We talk of handsome boys and girls with winning smiles while he sneaks furtive glances her way. I do not see the angry love I had grown in his garden; I see the soft cariad of summer nights and smelling of each other.   I reconcile with raj with an apology following hers. We take turns speaking on misguided footsteps and all the places we should've trusted and we should've listened. Our souls are filled with a cariad I am not so used to; one between friends that I wish to last a life time. And oh goodness when I see I've amused her again, I wear gwenu of satisfaction.   And the girl who has stolen mon cœur arrived back into my life with a plate full of options. I chose her; I chose biting into the apple of forgiveness, of new beginnings, and she kisses the juice off my chin. It will take forever to convince her that we are truly éternel, but the exhilaration of loving her is all I need. I speak my words to her upon the midnight hour, always filled with cariad.   Je t'aime mon cœur.   Yet something has changed within my own self, something extraordinary. So I adopt a name to call myself in honor of the trials and tribulation I see on the palms of my bloodied hands.   Cariad.   My native tongue envelops me as it has always done, and my nature, my affection, and my love is all carried through on one term. So I become what I beheld in my languages of love.         Dictionary   Mi Tesoro italian ; meaning "my darling" or "my treasure"   Distruzione italian ; destruction   Rosso italian ; red   Arancia italian ; orange   Vert french ; green   Beauté french ; beauty   Mon Cœur french ; meaning "my heart"   Amour french ; love   Babcia polish ; means "grandma" but can also mean "great grandma" as it does in this case   Raj polish ; meaning "heaven"   Znaczysz dla mnie tak wiele polish ; "you mean so much to me"   Przyjaciele polish ; friends   Gwenu welsh ; smile   Éternel french ; eternal   Je t'aime mon cœur french ; "I love you, my heart"   Cariad welsh ; means "love" or "lover"  

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