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11/27/2021 12:39 PM 

Dear Father

At one point I called you father, and meant it.You were not my father by blood, simply by marriage.I had longed for a father figure for as long as I could remember,A man who would love and raise me as his own.The good memories were brief snippets of happier times,While the bad were vivid, distinct memories that lasted for what felt like hours.A nightmare that I could never escape from,They were engrained in my memory like the words to my favorite song.I wish I could forget all the difficult memories and focus on the good times that we had together.What little they were, anyways.I wish I could forgive, the way my five year old self did,Oh, the love and admiration she had for you.Now all that was left was anger and a bitter resentment.The anger and confusion that came with the abuse that you perpetuated.I would never call you Father again, if I ever saw youI would look at you in disgust and pity,For you will never know true, selfless, love.And for that, I feel sorry for you.


11/27/2021 11:41 PM 

Lucia and the city of Lux

Lucia Lux, a name that radiates with power in the city of Lux, is a demoness that left Hell when she felt it had become too dim to allow her beauty to truly shine. The story of the city of Lux is that upon the day that Lucia placed her cloven hooves upon the earth the sky above her was filled with dancing lights that attracted travelers from far and wide. These travelers found the area to be filled in great abundance with everything needed to survive and thrive. They also found the demoness herself, a creature that towered above even the tallest of men amongst them that radiated with an unearthly glow, at the center of the dazzling display of lights that lit up the sky.  Fear would quickly turn into awe as the demoness promised no harm upon the humans and even offered them the land that her light shined upon so long as they didn't ruin its natural beauty. Many were wary to make a deal with a creature so obviously from the infernal realm and left, but those that stayed took Lucia up on her deal. The fruits of this deal were quick to show for the small village that started in the time coming quickly turned into a thriving city in just a few centuries, known for the auroras that are often seen dancing high in the night sky.  In the city of Lux the development of the automobile was ignored entirely, man made canals filled with Crystal clear waters being used by boats instead to traverse the expansive city when people would rather not walk the cobblestone streets. This was just one of the many designs Lucia made sure was followed when it came to the city she resided in retain its natural beauty as well as the numerous parks that were scattered here and there.  Though as time passed Lucia began to leave her estate less and less. The towering demoness would rather roam the halls of her home and look out upon the city she birthed from any number of high balconies. Her absence in the city made her seem almost like a myth to those that had never seen her, a fairy tale to sell the beauty of the city to tourists. People would often forget about her entirely unless they caught glimpses of her roaming the grounds of her estate at night from the canals that circled it.  For those that had the luxury to meet Lucia in person always described her the same, a towering form of inhuman beauty that radiated with kindness. Lucia knows well that with her infernal powers she could easily slaughter any of the mortals that displeased her, something many visiting angels from Heaven itself commended her on, but instead she decided to forgo her demonic origins. To be kind and caring, that was the kind of woman she wished to always remain. To some this had gained her a reputation of almost seeming motherly.


11/27/2021 11:39 PM 

Lucia Lux Bio (Work in Progress)

Name: Lucia Lux Race: Demon Age: ??? Height: 8'2Body Type: Curvy/Plump Sexuality: Pansexual Gender: Female presenting but can have either male or female bits whenever she so decides.Personality: Lucia can come off as incredibly egotistical at times because she is very proud of her own beauty, though she is not opposed to complimenting others on their looks. With a very sweet nature she can be seen as a pushover at times but she is not afraid to show that she is in fact from the depths of Hell with great amounts of brutality. Unable to keep her hands to herself at times, she truly enjoys the feel of the human form and all the various differences among them.

Elsie Mae

11/26/2021 09:09 PM 


Elsie Mae was born in Arkansas in 1853 Living on the second floor of a flower shop that her mother ran, while her father Charles worked in a funeral home right next door. Elsie was the oldest of three. Margaret who was three, Walter who was a year old. At the time Elsie was only five. At the age of nine, Elsie woke in the middle of the night due to her mother's screams. The family was attacked, a vampire killed the entire family. The vampire was unaware that Elsie was still alive, though she was no longer human. With her new thirst for blood, Elsie drank from her deceased family members. With her thirst for human blood as a young age, or taught how to control it. Elsie even though she was nine, is rather vicious. As the years went by, Elsie never grew, her mind and body are physically of a nine year old girl. As those years past, Elsie grew lonely though not knowing how to interact with humans without killing them Elsie hid from the world. Elsie is fascinated with humans, despite being a vicious killer. Elsie struggles with human contact, struggles to keep her thirst under control if in the same room.

【색녀 토끼.】

11/26/2021 08:44 PM 

𝑩𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔.

    I love you.I love you in the way your gaze lingers long after I’ve stopped demanding your attention.I love you in the way that delicate expanse of skin between your brows crinkles when you’re thinking too hard.I love you in the way your fingertips dance against your thighs because you’re too embarrassed to hold my hand in public—but, god, do you want to anyway.I love you in the way you melt into me just as soon as we slip away from prying eyes.I love you in the way you seek me out in a crowd full of peers.I love you in the way you walk just a hair ahead of me to place a buffer between myself and potential physicality with strangers, even though you know I could manage on my own.I love you in the staggered breaths between our kiss-swollen lips.I love you in the tickle of your stray hairs at the nape of my neck as you curl yourself so tightly against me.I love you in the late-night nonsense we utter into our phones because we just can’t bring ourselves to hang up first, no matter how sleep-deprived.I love you in the subtle purse of your lips when you know I should be resting but you’re too greedy for my company to send me away.I love you in the silence of our shared space, pregnant with the affections of blossoming romance.My god… 𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘…I’m in love with you.  


11/26/2021 02:54 PM 


THE DIAGNOSIS OF A COMIC BOOK CHARACTER by KNIGHTHOOD PART I: Psychiatric Mood Disorders Mood disorders are a type of mental disorder characterized by a disturbance of emotions, or mood. In the not-too-distant past, these were classified as affective disorders. Mood disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - Fourth edition, called the DSM-IV, are divided into: a) Depressive Disorders, b) Bipolar Disorders, c) Mood Disorder Due to a General Medical Condition, and d) Substance-Induced Mood Disorder. The specific types of mood disorders that I will discuss for the purposes of this paper, are the Bipolar Disorders. The essential feature of a Bipolar disorder is the presence of at least one Manic Episode. Unipolar or Major Depressive Disorder is characterized by one or more Major Depressive Episodes, but there will not be any Manic, Mixed, or Hypomanic episodes. If even one Manic episode occurs, or the person has a history of even one Manic, Mixed, or Hypomanic episode, the diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder has to be changed to a Bipolar Disorder. A Manic Episode is defined as being a "distinct period during which there is an abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood." (DSM-IV, 1994.) The disturbance must be accompanied by at least three additional symptoms, including, from the DSM-IV: (1) inflated self-esteem; (2) decreased need for sleep; (3) more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking; (4) flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing; (5) distractibility; (6) increase in goal-directed activity or psychomotor agitation; and (7) excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences. The elevated mood of a Manic Episode can range from euphoric and cheerful to a kind of "high" seen with intoxication. It is expansive and indiscriminate. This elevated mood can become increasingly one of irritability and anger when the person's desires are thwarted. A lability of mood, i.e., rapid swings between euphoria and irritability, are frequently seen. Inflated self-esteem is also typically present in a Manic Episode, and can range from arrogant self-confidence to grandiosity, and can often become delusions of grandeur. The person in a Manic state needs little sleep; when the sleep disturbance is severe, a person can go days without sleep. The speech of a person in a Manic state is usually "pressured" -- accelerated and difficult or impossible to interrupt. It can be loud. The individual may become theatrical and overly dramatic. If the person's mood has become irritable, the speech may be typically aggressive, hostile, and consist of angry tirades and threats. Significantly (for the purposes of this paper) the increase in goal-directed activities involves the excessive planning of, and participation in, multiple activities that can have political, as well as sexual, occupational, or religious overtones. The person suffering through a Manic Episode may simultaneously take on new ventures without regard to the apparent risks, or the need to complete each venture satisfactorily. There is an increased sociability, but one that is demanding, domineering, or intrusive. During a Manic Episode, the individual often shows psychomotor agitation or restlessness. Elevated mood, grandiosity, poor judgement, and irritability almost always lead to reckless behavior, involvement in activities (sexual, business, political) that are likely to end up having very negative consequences. The impairment caused by a Manic Episode must be severe enough to cause a significant break in the individual's functioning, requiring hospitalization to stop the person from being a danger to him/her-self and others. If psychotic features are present during a Manic Episode, by definition, there is a marked impairment of functioning. One problematic area in my diagnosis is the criteria: that the symptoms of the Manic Episode or Episodes must not be due to the physiological effects of a substance, or a general medical condition. Sometimes it is not easy to decide, without extensive medical examinations and testing, what is caused by a genuine, pre-existing Bipolar Disorder, and what is caused by additional factors, such as the development of a general medical condition. Also, it is possible that Bipolar Disorder is caused by physiological factors, or a general medical condition, in everyone, so that the degree to which genetics and environment or environmental stressors interact and cause an individual to develop a Bipolar Disorder is unknown. Bipolar Disorders are distinguished by the occurrence of at least one Manic, or Hypomanic (a less severe form of a Manic Episode, with less severe symptoms) Episode, which are usually accompanied by Major Depressive Episodes. The Manic and Depressive Episodes are said to cycle, that is, occur and reoccur in patterns. Manic symptoms must have been present for at least one week, and if these are Hypomanic symptoms, for four days. Some of the symptoms of a Major Depressive Episode are: depressed mood, markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities nearly every day, weight loss or gain, insomnia or hypersomnia, psychomotor agitation, or retardation, fatigue and loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness and/or inappropriate excessive guilt, diminished ability to concentrate, indecisiveness, recurrent thoughts of death. A person in a depressed mood will also feel anhedonia, the complete loss of the ability to feel pleasure in usually pleasurable activities. The person also feels strongly pessimistic about the future. There is self-denigration, and self-accusation. The outward appearance of a person suffering from a Major Depressive Episode is usually sloppy, unkempt, unshaved. The face has a dull, masklike expression. There are several different types of Bipolar Disorders, including Bipolar I -- Most Recent Episode Depressed, and Bipolar I -- Most Recent Episode Manic. There are also: Bipolar I, Most Recent Episode Mixed, Most Recent Episode Hypomanic, and Most Recent Episode Unspecified. There is also Bipolar II Disorder, which is characterized by recurrent Major Depressive Episodes and Hypomanic Episodes. There is Cyclothymic Disorder, which is characterized by the chronic cycling of Hypomanic Disturbances, and less severe (Dysthymic) Depressive Episodes. And there is Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. There can be accompanying psychotic features, with either the Depressive Episode (most recent or current), or the Manic Episode (most recent or current). The actual specifier, "Severe With Psychotic Features," indicates the presence of either delusions or hallucinations (usually auditory). Most commonly the content of the delusions "is consistent with the manic themes." (DSM-IV, 1994.) That is, these are mood-congruent features; the content of the delusions corresponds to the goals and activities that the individual is engaged in. If mood-congruent psychotic features are present, the prognosis is better, than if mood-incongruent psychotic features are present. Some common psychotic delusions are: grandiose delusions -- a delusion of inflated worth, power, knowledge, identity, or special relationship with a deity. Delusions of reference -- where a person believes that events, objects, or other person's have a particular and unusual significance. Delusions of persecution, the central theme of which is that the person is being attacked, cheated, persecuted, conspired against.     PART 2: Background and History of Magneto The comic book character Magneto was created by writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby for Marvel comics, in the very first issue of the comic book X-MEN, back in the fall of 1963. The character initially was portrayed as a raving, typical villain, with the mutant super-ability to channel the earth's electromagnetic field, and perhaps produce his own magnetic energy as well. The first run of X-MEN went on hiatus in 1970, and when the book was resumed in 1975, new writer Chris Claremont took another look at all these characters called the X-Men, those Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and others created, and those Claremont created or co-created, and gave them histories, backgrounds, and complex personalities. Marvel Comics has a domain, a continuous back-story, called "the Marvel Universe," or, "Marvel Continuity." This has been, in the past, mostly rigorously adhered to. Each writer/artist team acknowledged the writing and art of teams before them, and continued these characters' adventures by building on what had come before. Sometimes the more recent stories "inserted" or "retconned" (which stands for retroactive continuity) background or history for characters. So while the actual chronology of the stories isn't in order, a fan of a particular character can collect all the references to this character, and form a time-line, or historiography. This is the case for the character Magneto. The following biographical sketch incorporates all Magneto appearances and all Magneto facts, up until the present time. Many aspects of the character's history and personality have to be deduced, or inferred. Much is extrapolated from what is known. Magneto's birth-name is unknown. He has called himself "Magnus" for many years, and henceforth will be called Magnus in this paper. Magnus was most likely born in the late 1920s, to a middle-class or professional and educated Jewish family that resided somewhere in Central or Eastern Europe. He was most likely born in Poland. (New Mutants #61.) His family either spoke German, or Yiddish (Uncanny X-Men #327) but that could be because his parents were from Germany, and moved to Poland in the 1920s, or, they lived in one of the German-speaking regions of Poland, such as West or East Prussia. From what little we've seen of Magneto's family -- in nightmares and intrusive flashbacks -- they were well-dressed in up-to-date clothing, and were not peasants or living in poverty. (New Mutants #49, Uncanny X-Men #274.) Magneto's family was deported from their home, probably just after the start of World War II, in 1939. It is unclear whether or not they were exiled first, as many Jews were from West and East Prussia at that time, and then were murdered, or whether they were led directly from their homes to the killing fields. But the fact is, at some point between 1939 -- when his family was registered as all Jews were in Poland (New Mutants #61) -- and 1940, Magneto's entire immediate family was led to a mass grave, along with many other people, some Orthodox Jews, some urban assimilated Jews like Magneto's family, and shot. We know that Magneto was a boy at the time, probably 13, and his only sister was older than he. His parents and sister and he were shot by Nazis using machine guns. They fell into the mass grave, but unknown to Magnus, his nascent mutant powers first manifested at this terrible moment, and deflected the Nazi bullets, saving himself but not the rest of his family. Magnus clawed his way out of the mass grave, after quick-lime had been thrown on top of it, but before it was covered over. (X-Men, vol.2, #1, New Mutants #49.) He was caught almost at once by the startled SS who were in the process of burying the dead. Not knowing exactly what to do with him, and thinking he was older than he actually was, they sent him to Auschwitz, which had opened in the summer of 1940. We can surmise that Magnus' family was murdered either by the SS during the first deportations that lasted through the summer of 1940, or by the Einsatzgruppen in 1941, and that he was at Auschwitz "from the start," as it has been stated in the narration (Classic X-Men #12), and that he was a boy when he was first sent to Auschwitz, and that he "grew up" there. (Uncanny X-Men #161.) More importantly, Magnus survived Auschwitz until almost the end of the war. He survived, we know, because at some point he was transferred to the Sonderkommando (Uncanny X-Men #274), where he became one of the "crematoria ravens" who helped the Nazis lead the victims to the gas chambers, collect their belongings, pull the bodies out of the gas chambers, and burn them. The Nazis always chose Jews for the Sonderkommando, and this is a very important fact; it was a part of the Nazi campaign against, and hatred of, the Jewish people, to give some of the young men a chance at life in exchange for keeping the death-factory running! It is also surmised, that young Magnus could not have survived the first year at Auschwitz, before he was old enough for the Sonderkommando, without the "protection" of an older Jewish or Polish prisoner or kapo (prisoner-guard who was given power over the others and acted like a kind of overseer). He was probably physically and sexually abused at this time. Like all Auschwitz inmates, young Magnus would have suffered from the most humiliating and dire circumstances on a daily basis. He suffered constant physical and psychological abuse, malnutrition, and the effects of diseases. As a member of the Sonderkommando, Magnus would have made a daily "deal with the devil" -- to stay alive while he helped kill his own people. Sonderkommando members were also given enormous amounts of vodka, to keep them working. Magnus, however, tried valiantly to keep his humanity. He tried to help other inmates, smuggling food to them, and giving them hope. (Uncanny X-Men #199.) At some point, Magnus met or saw a young girl, most likely a Gypsy, or Romany, possibly of the Sinte tribe, named Magda. She was most likely brought into the camp in 1943, when the German and Austrian Gypsies were sent to Auschwitz, to the Gypsy Family Camp. Magnus fell in love with this girl, and brought her food, and helped her survive. In August of 1944, the entire Gypsy camp was murdered, taken to the gas chambers -- Magnus apparently saved Magda, but no one else in her family. He apparently bribed guards, kapos, and anyone else he had to, to transfer Magda to the Jewish woman's camp. Magnus probably told Magda about the murder of her family (Classic X-Men #12), but he may or may not have told her about his being a party to the murder, as a member of the SK. In the winter of 1944-1945, as the Russian army closed in on Auschwitz, Magnus killed an SS soldier who was about to kill Magda, and the two of them escaped into the snowy woods to the northeast of the camp. Magnus was most likely 17 years old at this time. Magda was probably younger, around 14 or 15 years old. They wandered for a long time, and Magnus took care of Magda, finding her food and clothing. They eventually settled in a Carpathian Mountain village, where after several years, during which time they recuperated from their ordeal, they were married. It is surmised that Magda, who was very beautiful, was badly treated in Auschwitz and she would have found an intimate relationship with Magnus difficult if he had pressured her immediately after their escape. Given his tender concern for Magda, we can presume that he waited for her to recover, physically and emotionally, and agree to marry him. Magnus seems to have been in love with Magda from the start. We don't know when Magda fell in love with Magnus, or how she defined love. He was her saviour, her protector; Magnus promised her he would always look after her, and protect her. (Classic X-Men #12.) Magnus' daughter was born a few years after he and Magda were married. The girl was named Anya. Magnus adored Anya, and she was the light of his life. He called her his "talisman" -- the promise that things were going to be better, and the world was a better place. (Classic X-Men #12.) Magnus was restless, however. From an educated, urban family, he found life in the Carpathian village to be restricting and frustrating. He therefore insisted that they move to a bigger city, one where he could find work (as a carpenter and general contractor) while he went to university in order to better himself, and their station in life. Magda did not want to move. They arrived in the Soviet city of Vinnitsa when Anya was around 4 or 5 years old (some time in the late 1950s). On the very first day there, after his very first day of work, the foreman on the job tried to cheat Magnus out of his pay. Magnus used his powers for the second time, but this time he realized it. He sent a crowbar flying at the foreman's head, barely missing him. When he arrived back at the inn where his wife and daughter were staying, he saw that it was on fire, and Magda was frantic -- she had left the child alone, upstairs, she said, so that she could find something to cook for dinner. Magnus and Magda ran into the burning inn, and as the building's ceiling started to collapse, Magnus formed a magnetic force-bubble to protect him and his wife. They both were amazed, and Magnus was suddenly jubilant. He felt he could save Anya, with these new powers. But, when he and his wife ran outside, the foreman pointed him out, and the police, along with several members of the crowd, grabbed Magnus, beating him up while he begged them to let him go so he could save his daughter. While his daughter screamed for help, and called "Poppa!" Magnus could not help her. Finally, Anya fell burning from the building, landing just in front of Magnus. The crowd, somewhat stunned, backed away and let him go. Magnus, in a fit of rage and grief, unleashed his powers for the third time that day, and sent electromagnetic radiation -- like horizontal lightning -- shooting out in all directions, killing the police and members of the crowd who were nearby. Magda, meanwhile, stood there untouched. She seemed to be going into a dissociative state, calling her husband a "monster." She ran away from him, as he called and called her to help him bury their daughter, to come back to him. Magnus was too weak and injured to run after her. Shortly thereafter, he took the body of Anya and escaped into the woods, where he buried the child. He then began a years-long search for Magda. He went to a forger named Georg Odekirk, who gave him a false identity, one which people in the Marvel Universe (and readers) would come to believe was genuine. This was Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, a Sinte Gypsy; he took that identity in order to hide from the Soviet police and KGB, and, to more effectively search for Magda, in the camps and settlements of her people. Unknown to Magnus, when Magda ran away, she was pregnant with twins. She later ended up at Wundagore Mountain, in the country of Transia, at the citadel of a villain-scientist named the High Evolutionary (Edward Wyndham). With a cow-woman as midwife, Magda gave birth to Pietro and Wanda, and then ran out into the night, into the snow, disappearing, her fate unknown. Bova, the cow-woman, and her master, the High Evolutionary, gave the twin infants to a Gypsy couple (the Maximoffs) who had lost their own babies. Magnus, meanwhile, searched Europe for Magda, couldn't find her, and finally gave up and immigrated to Israel. He had no family, and even though he had forged "Lehnsherr" papers that could get him into any country, he decided to go to Israel, as a Jew. It is presumed that he dropped the name "Lehnsherr" at this time, and entered Israel as "Erik Magnus," since all he needed to enter the country was his Auschwitz tattoo, the testimony of other survivors who knew him, and the fact he was circumcised. (Which he would have been, or the Nazis wouldn't have categorized him as a Jew in the first place, since with his family dead, he could have pretended to be of another religion or ethnic group, and gotten away with it, given his looks.) Erik Magnus worked in a hospital in Haifa. It was primarily a psychiatric hospital, that treated primarily Holocaust survivors. While it is doubtful that Magnus sought therapy himself, or was willing to tell anything about himself due to the events in Vinnitsa, for which murders he was a wanted man, he would have been exposed to group therapy, and staff meetings, at this time. Magnus was caring and devoted, and there is testimony that he was helpful in alleviating the distress of his fellow survivors who were patients in that hospital. (Uncanny X-Men #161, Uncanny X-Men #321, X-Men vol. 2, #40 and #41, X-Men Unlimited #2.) At this time, some 20 years ago, Magnus first met Charles Francis Xavier. Xavier was also a man of immense power, and a mutant. Unlike Magnus, he had years to become accustomed to his immense telepathic abilities, and to form theories and a philosophy about the existence of "mutants" among the general population. Xavier was from a privileged American family, from upstate New York. At the time he first met Magnus, he was already thinking of ways to ensure the peaceful co-existence of mutants and non-mutants. Charles Xavier had come to Israel at the request of Dr. Shomron, an Israeli psychiatrist, who needed his friend's help in the treatment of a Holocaust survivor named Gabrielle Haller, who remained in a state of rigid catatonia. Xavier used his psionic powers to help Gabrielle recover, and Xavier, Gabrielle Haller, and Magnus became close friends. But not long after, Baron Strucker, a Nazi war criminal who had escaped justice, and who had taken over a neo-Nazi organization named HYDRA, attacked and kidnapped Gabrielle Haller. (It turns out, he was the Nazi SS officer who had sexually abused her when she was a child in a concentration camp, and he had implanted in her mind, the map of a huge stash of Nazi stolen gold.) Xavier and Magnus came to Gabrielle's rescue, but in the course of the fight, Magnus used his powers openly, became violent and agitated and suddenly -- after killing the Nazis (but not Strucker, a perennial Marvel villain who has popped up time and time again) against Xavier's wishes, he used his magnetic powers to raise the huge hoard of gold and carry it off, declaring that the gold would be used in the struggle of mutants to secure a safe place in the world. This is the first recorded instance, witnessed by Xavier, where Magnus clearly identified with being a mutant. The gold -- Nazi gold stolen from mostly Jewish victims, some of which Magnus himself had helped pull off of dead bodies when he was in the Sonderkommando -- had passed from being the gold of Magnus' Jewish People, to being the gold of his Mutant People. Magnus next, apparently, began working for a covert agency, probably the CIA, but possibly he was a double-agent for Mossad and the CIA. He took the codename MAGNETO at this time. He ostensibly was hunting Nazis for the CIA, but as a double-agent, working for the Israeli government, he actually was finding the escaped Nazi war criminals and turning them over to Israel for trial. (Classic X-men #19.) During this time, Magnus met a beautiful doctor named Isabelle, who understood he was a mutant, and tried to help him. Magnus may or may not have had a sexual relationship with Isabelle. (Classic X-Men #19.) At moments when he was most close to Isabelle, when it seemed the next step was for him to begin making love to her, Magnus was overwhelmed with memories of Magda. He was reminded of Magda's words, accusing him of being a "monster." Magnus seems to have feared two things: being disloyal to Magda, who he still hoped to find, and, becoming a "monster"-- that is, he feared that if Isabelle became his lover, he would lose control of his powers once again, become the "monster" that Magda had accused him of being, and kill Isabelle. Unfortunately, his worst fears were realized in a way. While Isabelle was comforting him, trying to relax him by giving him a back massage, in their hotel room in Brazil, Magneto's Control, his boss at the CIA, showed up with some thugs, who grabbed Isabelle by the hair and slit her throat. They threw her body down next to Magnus, who was just realizing what was happening. Then, Control admonished Magnus for capturing "our" Nazis (as in, Nazis the US government wanted) and turning them over to Israel. In other words, Magnus' status as a double agent had been discovered. Control ordered his men to kill Magnus, but Magnus declared himself MAGNETO, a superior being, a mutant, homo- sapiens-superior, and rose into the air, in a sense declaring war on the human race while killing the CIA men below him. (Classic X-Men #19.) Magneto's next known appearance suggested he was attempting to organize some sort of resistance movement, or at least was trying to expose how governments around the world were misusing mutants. (Generation X #10.) There is very little known about Magneto's activities at this time. Magneto at some point around 11 years ago, created a costume for himself, and a helmet, and formed an organization, to counter the group of teens that Xavier founded (the X-Men). He called his group, with ironic intent, The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. (As in, you think all mutants are "evil" well, then, here we are, the "EVIL" mutants.) The members of this group included Toad, Mastermind, and two teens -- twins -- from Transia, whom Magneto had rescued not long before. The twin youths were named Wanda and Pietro, codenamed the Scarlet Witch -- who had probability-altering powers, and Quicksilver -- who had super-speed. Magneto had no idea these were his children with Magda, and he treated them quite brutally. He was alternately cold, aloof and withdrawn, and ranting and manic at this time, as witnessed by Wanda. (X-Men -1.) Briefly, Magneto attacked Cape Citadel, and the X-Men defeated him. (Uncanny X-Men #1.) Thus began a long enmity between Magneto and the X- Men and various X-Men allies. Magneto's attacks were always accompanied by his elaborate speeches about mutant superiority. Magneto's initial goals were to rule the world and turn it into a place where mutants wouldn't be persecuted, but where he, Magneto, would be the sole dictator. He also made vague and contradictory statements about mutants generally ruling over non-mutant humans. Magneto was captured by an alien being named The Stranger, along with Toad (Mortimer Toynbee). (Uncanny X-Men #11.) Magneto escaped once, returned to earth, tried to defeat the X-Men once again, but this time, Xavier called the Stranger back! The Stranger recaptured Magneto, and threw him back on a cold, barren planetoid prison, where Toad had remained. (Uncanny X-Men #18.) This event seems to have triggered something in Magneto, since he became incoherent, threatening, making delusional and grandiose statements about conquering the universe! (Avengers #47.) Magneto escaped the Stranger a second time, on this occasion with Toad, returned to earth, and attacked Wanda and Pietro, who had joined the hero group, the AVENGERS, and were more than happy to have nothing whatsoever to do with Magneto. At this time Magneto built an extraordinary island base with incredibly advanced technology, and articulated vague goals about conquering the world again. But soon, Magneto became completely distracted by the need to get control of Wanda and Pietro, and then, the X-Men. When he found out that Xavier, his old friend, was supposedly dead, he gloated in a wild, incoherent speech full of rage. (Uncanny X-Men #43.) Magneto was eventually defeated by the X-Men and the Avengers, and pretended to fall to his death on some rocks, to cover his escape. (Uncanny X-Men #45, Avengers #53.) He next showed up in the Savage Land, a place where dinosaurs still live, that exists in a timeless Triassic state. It is located somewhere under Antarctica. Magneto built himself a citadel. He kidnapped local swamp-dwellers, primitive people, and abusing his own body, using his own life force and magnetic powers, he mutated them, genetically altered them, turning them into his slaves. All the while he was masquerading as The Creator. (Uncanny X-Men #62, #63.) Again, he goals were contradictory, clear and vague at once, his actions seemingly brilliant and insane. He was manipulative and talked endlessly, but despite having some design on using the mutated humans as an army to conquer the world, ultimately there was almost no point to all Magneto's activities. The X-Men defeated him once again, and at the end of this story (Uncanny X-Men #63), he was last seen on his knees, shouting, "Yes ... too late ... TOO LATE! Too late to do ANYTHING ... BUT DIE!!" as his Savage Land citadel collapsed on him. He made no attempt to escape, or ask for assistance, and instead seemed to be hyper-dramatic and out of touch with reality. Magneto survived, however, and was rescued later by Prince Namor, the Submariner, ruler of the undersea kingdom of Atlantis. (Fantastic Four #102.) Magneto tried to trick Prince Namor and the people of Atlantis to help him invade the earth. He kidnapped Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman, from the Fantastic Four. (Fantastic Four #102, #103.) Sue's husband, Reed Richards, also of the Fantastic Four, stopped Magneto, and was able to take him prisoner. How this was done, is significant. Richards used a device that turned Magneto's own powers against him; like a Chinese-finger-puzzle, the more Magneto used his powers, the more he was restrained -- ensuring that only HE captured himself. (Fantastic Four #104.) The Fantastic Four placed Magneto at this time in a small, completely non-magnetic prison cell, and inhibited his powers with an anti-magnetic force field Magneto eventually escaped after going into a completely quiet, meditative state. Once he was back in a more grotesque version of his old costume, he reappeared trying to build a machine that would mutate ALL of the non-mutants on earth. His speeches were by now incoherent, his actions bizarre and violent.(Amazing Adventures vol.1, #9, and #10.) Magneto tried to carry out his plans in illogical ways; he was observed by many at this time, having captured Black Bolt, the king of the Inhumans. (The Inhumans are a group of altered humans who live segregated from the rest of humanity. Pietro, (Quicksilver), married an Inhuman princess, Crystal. Black Bolt is married to Crystal's sister, Medusa.) Witnesses at this time uniformly reported Magneto to be insane. They reported hearing "insane" laughter, and witnesses could see Magneto's face as wide-eyed and maniacal, his features twisted. He almost succeeded in destroying every non-mutant human in the world, using nuclear energy to power his "universe machine." However, when it was clear he was defeated, Magneto detonated the nuclear energy canister he was going to use as a power source, and attempted to vaporize himself, saying, as he appeared to die, "Now ... the power is MINE ... the GLORY -- THE HONOR -- FOREVER -- MAGneto's...." But he survived. He battled the AVENGERS again (Avengers #110, #111), and kidnapped Wanda, making her dance while under his mental control. He didn't know she was his daughter, but it still was a terrible moment. By this time, he was visibly altered -- his eyes wide and staring, with huge circles underneath. His body ravaged by the explosions and injuries he'd sustained. He used a special costume that once belonged to another one of the X-Men, Angel (Warren Worthington III), to siphon off the life-energy of Angel and this helped keep Magneto going. He obtained the costume by attacking Xavier and the X-Men in the X-mansion (Xavier's estate and mansion in Westchester County, New York), beating the crippled Charles Xavier and the young X-Men, and trashing the contents of the mansion. It is significant to note, that although Magneto had often threatened he would kill Xavier and the X-Men, when he caught them off- guard at this time, he did not kill them, but instead ranted at them, threatened them, physically abused them, and destroyed their property. Furthermore, he sent video pictures of the whole scene of destruction to Avenger's Mansion, in New York City, where the Avengers watched helplessly, and were thus lured to the mansion to render assistance. Which is how and where Magneto captured them. The Avengers defeated Magneto once again, captured him, and attempted to imprison him in an energy-globe, deep underground. This prison globe was small, and Magneto was completely isolated. Magneto was able to escape when the approach of a comet caused just enough of a shift in the energy globe's integrity, that Magneto was able to use his powers to get out. (Defenders #15.) Next, Magneto formed another group of "evil" mutants, recreating some of his Savage Land mutates. These included Lorelei, a mutate woman whom Magneto seemed to be personally attached to, although it is highly unlikely he had a sexual relationship with Lorelei, or anyone, at this time. Magneto then attempted to attack the United Nations building, lifting it magnetically in the air, while he used a being he had created himself, grown from a test-tube, Mutant Alpha, to try and conquer the world. BUT, this creation, Mutant Alpha was evolving at an accelerated rate, and became a "star- man" almost overnight. While Xavier, and Dr. Strange, and other heroes looked on, Mutant Alpha judged Magneto, and the others in his little Brotherhood. Mutant Alpha decided to give Magneto a second chance, and reduced him to the age of a six-month old baby.(Defenders #15, #16.) Charles Xavier took baby Magneto to Muir Island, and gave him to the care of Dr. Moira MacTaggart. The baby was put in a cell, but Moira tried to treat him with love and care. Whatever Xavier felt he was going to do, to change Magneto, he never got the chance. An agent of the alien Shi'ar empire, Davan Shakari, re-aged Magneto, restored him to his prime, his health, and restored all his memories, all at once. (Uncanny X-Men #104.) Magneto briefly attacked the X-Men on Shakari's advice, (Uncanny X- Men #104) and planned revenge, for his being a helpless infant in Xavier's care. But his mind wasn't in ferment, and the memories were haunting him, even while he captured the X-Men (the new team) and imprisoned them in his Antarctic base. This time he strapped the X-Men to chairs that suppressed their powers, and reduced them to the level of six-month-old babies! He created a robot, named Nanny, who he dressed in a cliched maid's costume, and programmed with a horrid, sickeningly sweet voice and over-attentive manner, to "care" for the X-Men in their helpless state. Thanks to Storm, whose coordination was extraordinary, even when she was a baby, the X-Men were able to escape, but Magneto's Antarctic base was destroyed in the process. Magneto was very proud of his Antarctic base, and indeed it was comparable technologically speaking, to anything other Marvel Universe geniuses could have created. (Uncanny X-Men #112, Uncanny X-Men #113, Classic X-Men #12, Classic X-Men #19.) After this, Magneto continued to alternate between periods of violent behavior and quiet, intense brooding, up on the asteroid base he built for himself, that he positioned in stationary orbit over the then Soviet Union, probably over Anya's grave. (Uncanny X-Men #125.) After one such period of violence, where he ordered all of earth to give up their nuclear weapons, and let him, Magneto, rule the world in order to bring peace (and he was sincere, too), he once again battled the X-Men. This time, on his Caribbean island base, he almost killed Kitty Pryde, who was them around 14 years old, a Jewish girl, codename, Shadowcat, a member of the X-Men. Magneto had a breakdown of sorts, suddenly refusing to fight any more, suddenly becoming aware of what he was doing. He disappeared. (Uncanny X- Men #148, #149, #150.) Magneto disappeared to brood, once again, on Asteroid M. But an incoming being, from an alien techno-organic civilization with rigid rules and regulations, a being who was a "mutant" and did not want to comply with those rules and regulations and was fleeing to earth, collided with Asteroid M, breaking it to pieces. Magneto was sent falling to earth, where he ended up seriously injured and near death, floating in the Atlantic Ocean. (New Mutants #21.) He was rescued by Lee Forrester, the captain of a boat, sometime X- Men ally, and super-hero groupie. He fell in love with Lee, and because of that relationship, Magneto seems to have calmed down. (Uncanny X-Men #188, New Mutants #23, #24, #26, #28.) It should also be noted that, at this time, Magneto's injuries were serious enough to require hospitalization, and that when he returned with Lee Forrester to his Caribbean island base to recuperate, he found it very difficult to use his magnetic powers. Although the extent of Magneto's physical injuries are unknown, he was clearly in enormous pain every time he attempted to used his powers in any significant way). Xavier appeared thrilled that Magnus agreed to try Xavier's way once again, and had seemingly reformed and was still "good." (Uncanny X-Men #196.) Soon thereafter Magneto gave himself up for trial, when he was captured by agents of the US government while attending a Holocaust memorial event in Washington DC. He was brought before the World Court, and Gabrielle Haller was his defense lawyer, but the trial was disrupted by an attack from the children of Baron Strucker. The Strucker twins (the Fenris) were defeated, but Xavier became gravely ill, and he decided to leave the earth, and go off with his lady-friend, the Majestrix of the Shi'ar Empire, Lilandra. He convinced Magnus to take over for him, as head of the X-Men's youngest recruits, the New Mutants.(Uncanny X-Men #199, #200.) Magneto did so. He tried. He tried to control himself, to think rationally. He had the support of Lee, for a time, and of the X-woman Storm, who believed in Magneto and helped give him confidence. But eventually, after being baited by the Hellfire Club, after joining the Hellfire Club at Storm's advice, after Storm and the other X-Men appeared to die, and left Magneto without any emotional support, Magnus started becoming more and more agitated, delusional, returning to his old patterns of thinking and behaving. (Most of the New Mutants run between #35 and #75; X-Factor #9; Uncanny X-Men #196, #199, #200 - #203, #210 - #213, #219; Fantastic Four vs. the X-Men; X-Men vs. the Avengers; Vision and the Scarlet Witch vol. 1 #4; Vision and the Scarlet Witch vol.2, #1, #3, #6, #12; Secret Wars vol. 2, Fallen Angels #1, #2.) Magneto claims that when he put on the old red and purple costume, and abandoned the New Mutants, he was just trying to give the world someone to hate. That he was just trying to play the part of villain, so the world would be after him, and leave other mutants alone. (Uncanny X-Men #253.) After allying himself with Rogue, Ka-Zar (leader of the Savage Land), Nick Fury (SHIELD), and some Russians, Magneto defeated a villainess named Zaladane, whom Magneto killed execution style while Rogue (his latest love) pleaded with him not to. Magneto left Rogue and the others, and promised he would be fighting "evil" mutants, and trying to help all mutants. (Uncanny X-Men #274, #275.) But, he didn't keep that promise. Instead, he ended up rebuilding a fancy version of Asteroid M, and sat there, in space. His hair grew long and wild, he was unshaven, his appearance and mood were dark and brooding. It was at this time that a would-be assassin named Fabian Cortez showed up in Asteroid M's space, with a bunch of escaped prisoners (henceforth known as Acolytes), all mutants, who claimed Magneto was their "Lord." Magneto at first tried to send them away. But Cortez manipulated him, secretly amping his powers, forcing Magneto to become dependent on him, while pushing all the right emotional buttons. Cortez's goal was the murder of Magneto. He engineered events such that Magneto became a villain again in the world's eyes, Magneto became an enemy again of the X-Men, and Magneto became manic again, engaging in violent and threatening actions, making violent and threatening hyper-dramatic speeches. Magneto discovered something in the midst of the initial fight with the X- Men, that was provoked by Cortez. He discovered, that while he was a baby, Moira MacTaggart had tried to change his genetic structure, to make him better able to deal with his immense powers. Moira's theory was completely rooted in the biomedical model: Magneto had gone insane, but this was due to the overuse of powers his brain could not handle. Magneto became totally obsessed with what Moira had done. He immediately kidnapped Xavier, also, blaming him, although Xavier had nothing to do with this. Magneto forget entirely about Cortez, about his "Acolytes" and about any goals he might have had. Instead he forced Moira to "alter" the X-Men the same way he had been genetically altered, which he claimed, was an attempt by Xavier and MacTaggart to mind-control him. Which of course, was not what Moira had tried to do. But Magneto insisted, raved, yelled, and clapped a metal body suit on Moira, to torture her into doing what he wanted. (He once had cared very much for Moira, and had good memories of her treatment of him, when he was a baby. He accused her now of betraying him.) Moira did something superficial to make the X-Men look like they were under Magneto's mind control, but she fixed it to work only until they used their mutant powers. Once they did, and exerted their strong individual wills, the effects of Moira's changes on the X-Men were negated. Meanwhile, Cortez was slowly killing Magneto. Cortez's mutant power was/is the ability to amp or augment another mutant's powers, to dangerous levels. And, after Magneto was sliced by Wolverine's claws in that prior battle with the X-Men (X-Men vol. 2, #1), and was badly injured, Cortez pretended to heal him while instead amplifying Magneto's own powers to mask the effects of the wound Magneto finally began to discorporate, the molecular bonds of his body were being pulled apart. Cortez's intent was discovered, Asteroid M was falling to the earth, and Magneto once again elected to die, with his Acolytes, those desperate young mutants whom Cortez had tricked and used. (X-Men, vol. 2, #3.) Magneto crashed, but was saved by the sacrifice of one of the Acolytes. All the other Acolytes of this first band, died. He was badly injured and somehow got to Antarctica, and his citadel there, to recover. He once again went through a spell of isolation, letting his appearance become unkempt, not knowing which direction to turn. At this time, he saved Xavier's life when the latter was injured during a blizzard, near Magneto's citadel. (X-Men Unlimited #1.) Another mutant, named Exodus, now seems to have found Magneto -- during this time of depression and brooding. Exodus, a telepath and teleporter, who suffers from psychotic episodes, seems to have been a catalyst for a return of Magneto's own violent and psychotic behavior. Although Magneto said he was attempting to create a mutant homeland in space -- a homeland named "Avalon" -- not exactly a name that someone like Magneto would give a place -- he actually did nothing but attack Charles Xavier and the X-Men during a little girl's funeral, and then attack the earth with a special electromagnetic pulse-wave that killed thousands. Magneto's mania escalated during this attack on Xavier, the X-Men, and earth. His speech patterns and tirades in particular were wildly contradictory, hyper-dramatic, and threatening. He was clearly delusional, and dangerous. Finally, in desperation, Xavier led an away team to the space-station/ship, for a final attempt to stop Magneto. At this point, Xavier did something he swore he'd never do. He mind-wiped Magneto, leaving him a mental vegetable. Magneto was cared for on Avalon by mutant followers, another group of Acolytes. He may or may not have been waking up. He may or may not have been rational. A few months ago, Marvel Time, Avalon was attacked and destroyed, and Jean Grey and Scott Summers helped save the Acolytes. The X-man Colossus saved the seemingly comatose Magneto. But once they landed in Antarctica, Magneto disappeared. The next thing everyone knew, there was this long-haired, twenty- something, amnesiac man, calling himself Joseph, who everyone thought was Magneto. Joseph seemed to be a Magneto who had been once again de-aged, and didn't know who he was. Joseph was and is an innocent, and was supposed to be the good side of Magneto, or the sane side of Magneto. No one knows, since now, Joseph apparently is NOT Magneto. The real Magneto showed up, just weeks ago, more distorted and irrational than ever before. He was wearing a costume, pretending to be someone else. He tortured and tormented the X-Men he captured. He sent out bounty-hunters to capture Gambit, an X-man, but then captured his own bounty-hunters, putting his former love Rogue in the arms of Gambit, watching them have sex (it is implied) in a cave while they were wearing chains. (Yes, this was in an X-Men comic.) Either this is some terrible mistake by the writers, or it isn't Magneto, or, Magneto is exhibiting the most manic and psychotic symptoms yet.     PART 3: Diagnosing Magneto Magneto's diagnosis is, (without the codes): Axis I Bipolar I Disorder, Most Recent Episode Manic, Severe With Psychotic Features, With Interepisode Recovery --- PROVISIONAL. It is clear from Magneto's history, that he displays all the symptoms of a Bipolar I disorder. The horrors of his childhood, and subsequent traumas, did not touch off a depressive or manic episode. This happened later in his life, after the onset of his powers. Although there was a stressor involved, at the onset of his first Manic Episode (possibly when he battled Baron Strucker and stole the gold, definitely when Isabelle was murdered), this was not linked more or less to his life history, or the use of his powers, than earlier stressors were. Magneto seems to cycle from depression to mania over long periods of time, perhaps months in the depressive stage, and weeks in the manic stage. He demonstrates symptoms of grandiosity, inflated self-esteem, theatrical and dramatic speech that is also hostile and delivered in angry tirades. He demonstrates flight of ideas, and distractability. Due to his high intelligence, the increase in his goal-directed activities takes the form of brilliant scientific and biological research, but otherwise, his behavior involves excessive planning, taking on multiple unfinished tasks, unusual restlessness and inability to stay with one task or goal for long, or carry through any project to its conclusion. The times Magneto was interrupted from carrying his plans to fruition, by the X-Men, or by the Avengers, or the Inhumans and Fantastic Four, were in fact times when the threat posed by Magneto's mania made such interference necessary, and in no way mitigate his symptoms. There is ample evidence that, when left unhindered, during the course of a manic episode, Magneto has been just as apt to abandon plans, promises, and goals, undertake new business before finishing old, and to become excessively involved with the planning of and participation in, a number of contradictory and unconnected activities. Magneto has demonstrated psychotic features, such as delusions of grandeur, delusions of persecution, and delusions of reference. Magneto has demonstrated the symptoms of depression when he's not manic. He has retreated to isolated bases, especially his asteroid base in orbit, isolated himself, and failed to take care of himself, and in fact has been shown to present an unkempt appearance during these episodes. He remembers and broods about the things he's done while in his manic phase, and this contributes to his depression. But, there have been times when he seems to have been neither manic nor depressive, when there was interepisode recovery, as when he had the emotional support from a lover (Lee Forrester), or a friend (Charles Xavier). Magneto's mental illness does have two possible etiologies due to a general medical condition. One etiology could be his powers, and their effect on his central nervous system and brain. And the other, is an extra bundle of nerve fibers between his pons and medulla oblongata. I've given his Bipolar I diagnosis the PROVISIONAL note, because Magneto needs to be thoroughly examined by a team of doctors, including specialists in neurology. He needs to be observed over a period of time, months perhaps, and the use of his powers monitored carefully, so that any affects on his brain and body can be measured. Magneto's twin children, now grown, Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, have each demonstrated episodes of manic and depressive behavior, and this could possibly support a diagnosis of Bipolar I Disorder, since research shows this disorder tends to run in families. On the other hand, they could have inherited something of their father's mutant physiology, and although their powers are different from his, there may be an underlying biogenetic cause of the Bipolar I symptoms in Magneto's children. Also on Axis I -- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Chronic, in partial remission. Magneto's Holocaust experiences, and the murder of his daughter Anya, have caused the symptoms of PTSD to appear. But in more recent years, not all the symptoms have appeared at the same time -- for example, Magneto has had intrusive and disturbing dreams, but he has been able to talk about the Holocaust, and about his daughter, and visit Magda's memorial marker, indicating Magneto has not consistently avoided these places or thoughts that cause him pain. Also on Axis I -- Other Substance Dependence -- PROVISIONAL Again, Magneto's powers may be causing his brain to produce elevated levels of the neurotransmitter Endorphin, which is a pain suppressor. Between the time that Magneto left Israel, and Isabelle's murder, Magneto was subject to excruciating headaches every time he overused his magnetic powers. It is theorized that Magneto's brain began to compensate for this pain, by producing endogenous Endorphins, or some unknown, similar neurotransmitter, in ever increasing amounts. This served to cause his nerve cells to create new receptor sites for the Endorphin, which meant he needed to use his powers more and more, to stimulate the production of more and more Endorphin, to give him relief from his body's physiological reaction to the overuse of his powers, which is pain. Magneto also might experience increased self-confidence, and a feeling of well-being, with a lessening of his PTSD symptoms when this occurs, due to the increase in Endorphin levels. Axis III -- Possible damage done to his body by his powers -- medical examination needed. Possible effects of extra nerve fibers in his brain, and increased metabolism due to his magnetic powers, must be determined with a thorough medical examination, and observation. Medical evidence suggests, that, since the pons is a part of the metencephalon (afterbrain) and is composed of bundles of fibers and nuclei, the extra fibers in Magneto's brain are an extension of the pons. The medulla oblongata, or narrow brain, contains the vital centers regulating heart action, vasomotor activity, respiration, deglutition, and vomiting. This might suggest that, if the extra bundles of neurons in Magneto's brain are connected to his mutant powers, his mutant powers of magnetism are part of his autonomic nervous system. Or, some portion of his mutant abilities are a part of his autonomic nervous system. The pons contains the points of origin for nerves controlling chewing, facial expressions, salivating, equilibrium, and hearing. The medulla also contains nerve centers for hearing and equilibrium, as well as neck muscle control and tongue muscle control. Some of these bodily activities are voluntary, most are involuntary. The fact that Magneto's extra nerve fibers appear in this area of the brain is significant, and the relationship between these neuro-fibers and his Bipolar I disorder, and these neuro-fibers and his powers of magnetic and electromagnetic manipulation, needs to be determined. If his powers or ability to manipulate electromagnetic energy proves to be a part of his autonomic nervous system, or more than 50% controlled by his autonomic nervous system, then the prognosis for Magnus is poor. If Magnus' powers to channel electromagnetic energy and generate his own energy fields are largely involuntary, like the beating of his heart, then Magneto can never completely turn-off or control the use of his powers. Any negative effects these powers are having on his body tissues, or his central nervous system, will over time become worse. The only solution may be, the complete artificial supression of Magneto's powers, but this solution also might cause damage to Magnus' metabolism, due to the unknown relationship between his powers and his autonomic nervous system.


11/26/2021 02:29 PM 

I Found You Missing

Summary: 'They're asking us because these soldiers have absolutely no one left to write home to,' Sakura thought with a frown. So she signs up for the Shinobi Letter Exchange, not realizing how large the consequences would be. - AUish one-shot [KakaSaku]       A KakaSaku AUish one-shot where more is exchanged than just letters. . "As you are all aware, proud men and women from our village are fighting in a war that's been going on for quite some time now," Iruka said to his classroom of students. 'Four years, three months and two days,' Sakura clarified in her head. "Some of these brave shinobi have been there a long time and need reminders of home and what they're fighting for," Iruka continued on. "As such, the Hokage has implemented a new volunteer program. Anyone who wants to can sign up with me, and you'll be assigned a soldier. While there are a lot of regulations and you can't talk about everything in case the letters get intercepted, and you won't know his or her real name for their safety, it's a rare opportunity to directly help in the war." 'They're asking us because these soldiers have absolutely no one left to write home to,' Sakura thought with a frown. 'There're away from home fighting for their lives and they have no one.' "For those of you interested, please come up to me after class. Now, for today I thought we'd work on…" Usually the studious Sakura listened to Iruka-sensei with acute attention, always eager to learn more about the glamorous shinobi world. Yet today his special announcement had caught her off guard and Iruka's voice drifted into the background. Were there really lonely men and women out there who did not realize just how amazing they were? Just how heroic the sacrifice they were making was? Coming from civilian parents, Sakura knew how hard it was to believe in something strongly and to not receive the reinforcement and praise she always desired. Her parents understood on a fundamental level why she wanted to become a shinobi, but did not sympathize when she got home dead tired. Why would she want to purposefully throw herself into something that would no doubt kill her? But Sakura was stubborn, and she thought those soldiers who refused to leave or die at the front lines must be as well. They deserved to have someone to hear from, to know there was one individual out there that cared about if they lived or not. Feeling full of self-righteousness, Sakura strutted up to Iruka's desk after being excused for the day. "I had a feeling you would be interested, Sakura," he said with a kind smile that Sakura easily returned. "And I know just the person to assign you to. They're being a little stubborn, and a lot of people have quit since they didn't write back. But I think this person needs a pen pal the most out of anyone else, and you're just the equally-stubborn individual for the job." "Is there anything you can tell me about him or her?" "Well, like I said, everything is going to be strict and regulated. I'm sorry to say I can only give them the number they're assigned to. You'll have to wait to get their return letters to know anything about them." Sakura looked at the slip of paper he gave her. It only had a four digit number: 2284. She frowned, thinking it odd that a person had been reduced to a number. Maybe it was for safety, or consistency. Or maybe it was easier to organize people if they were just numbers. "Whenever you want to write a letter, put the number on the envelope with 'Shinobi Letter Exchange' underneath. Don't worry about the postage or address. Others will take care of that." "Ok," Sakura said, suddenly feeling very small at the responsibility. "And Sakura?" Iruka asked as he reached over and put a hand on her shoulder, "Thank you." Sakura found herself grinning again from the sincerity in her teacher's voice. . Sakura sat at her desk, short legs swinging under her and toes wiggling. She pulled at her hair and nibbled on the end of her pen, wondering what she should write. She had written a very select few letters in her life. She had grandparents that lived in the country and a few times a year she sent them a letter. And of course she signed her name on their christmas cards. But this letter was entirely different. Not only was this to a stranger, but it was to someone who needed a little support in their life. And they were probably at least double her age. Yes, she felt proud for finally turning past ten into eleven last year, and Iruka said she was quite intelligent for her age, but they were more than likely way smarter than her. It was more than a little intimidating. "Well, I bet their handwriting isn't nearly as good as mine," Sakura muttered to herself before she put the pen to the paper. Dear 2284, She crumpled up that piece right away and resisted the urge to tear it to shreds. If she did not like the idea of referencing people as numbers, she was sure her mystery person would hate it all the more. She started again and only got one word in. Dear... But then who did she address it to? Soldier? Fellow shinobi? Stranger? All these options sounded empty and weak in her head. She wanted to inspire happiness in this person, no matter now small. She crumpled up that piece of paper as well. Sakura took a deep breath. Yes, this was a war-aged shinobi, but they were just a person. Just a human like Sakura, with the same organs, bone structure and senses. And once she thought about it, it was almost comforting to imagine just writing without trying to actively impress this person. And writers had always said to start with what you know. What did Sakura know best? Well, herself she supposed. And she thought that introductions would be a good place to start if any. So Sakura took a deep breath, counted down from ten, and started writing. . Hello. Unfortunately I'm not allowed to tell you my name or anything that might give me away. You may address me as anything you prefer, if you so desire and it makes you feel better. Although, it's probably best that you wait a little bit to get to know me more before choosing a nickname suddenly. I will do the same. Honestly, I don't exactly know what to write to you. I cannot empathize with what you're going through. My daily life probably seems inconsequential to the amazing heroics you preform daily. And even if you're not fighting every minute of the day, you're still putting your life out there. The person who assigned me to you told me that others have given up on you, and I am sorry that happened. I hope you don't hold it against them. I don't think they stopped writing because they disliked you, but people really like positive reinforcement and when they don't get it they probably get a little surly. I'm mad that I can't ask you what it's like out there in the front (it's a strict rule on the regulations page given to gave me). I just hope that while you have no one back here in the village, that you have people you care about out there with you. Although, I'm sure that's very frustrating. Being thankful that there are people you can connect to out there, but that you don't want to get hurt. What I'm trying to say: is I hope that you have friends out there. I hope you're not alone. I really only have one friend, but she's been there my entire life and she's amazing. One time when I was younger some classmates were picking on me because of my unusual hair color and she stood up and defended me. I hope that nothing bad ever happens to her. Friends are very important, aren't they? I hope maybe one day you can think of me as a friend. I wish I had more to say, but I think this is enough. I hope that you write back soon, so I can have more points to talk about with you. It will get awfully boring if it's just me talking all about myself. Stay safe. . Hello again. It's now been a week since I sent you your first letter. Maybe you never got it? I don't know if it's a lot quicker to send mail out there than to get things imported into the village. I was asking my school instructor about the process, and it seems really extensive. I'm a little embarrassed that not only you will be reading these letters, but also the person who screens them. (Greetings to you, too, second mystery person.) Then they pass or send it back, or black out certain names or whatever, and send it on its way. I will try my hardest not to break any of the regulations so that my letters will be able to get to you as soon as possible without any omissions. I don't know about you, but sometimes when I'm reading an old book, and a worm has eaten away a word and I'll never know what it is, I get really mad at everything. And then I wonder about exactly what those words could be for much too long. Usually I can do with the gaps, but just the fact of not knowing makes me very irritated. I would hate it if I made you go through that. Anyways, not much has changed since my last letter. School has been going alright. I got the highest score on the test again, but still the boy who I think is the cutest won't bother looking at me. I'm sorry, that was probably really boring and sounded like I was bragging, but it's simply fact. I am definitely the smartest, and arguably the prettiest, girl in the class. Aren't you lucky you have me as a pen pal? You should really show your gratitude by writing back. Have you ever been in love? I'm sorry again, that's very forward for only a second letter. I really should start over again, but I've already gone this far. I might as well keep going. I only have one more year in the academy before I'm assigned a new teacher. That is, if I manage to pass. My teacher says that I have nothing to worry about, and that if I try really hard I'll be able to get a really good teacher. Also if I begin to think about what exactly I want to do I'll have a better match and won't end up good at something I'm not naturally proficient in. I do like genjutsu, but other than that, I don't know. I wonder what it was like for you, who probably was taught in a group of three. Since so many shinobi are away, it's more beneficial just to have individual pupil-to-teacher ratios. While it's more intense, this way we get more time to study with our teachers, and we can become more specialized. Dad says that it's just a quicker way to teach us so that we can be shipped out into the war faster. But he's just a civilian, like my mom, and while he is very smart, I don't think he really understands our world somedays. If anything, we're getting better training so we can better protect ourselves. This is all just a very roundabout way of me saying I hope I get a good teacher so I can do well. Unlike the last letter, this one has gotten quite long suddenly. I eagerly await your response. Until next time. . Good morning. Or, at least it's the morning here. I have no idea when the mail comes in for you. Yesterday I went to the Cherry Blossom Festival with my best friend I mentioned earlier (let's call her Sunflower) and it was very fun. The flowers were very pretty. I could watch the petals fall all day and be perfectly content. Are you happy that winter is so far behind now? I bet the winters out there are really bad, if it's so cold here in the village. At the festival it was really nice to see our village come together, shinobi and civilians alike. But I wished people wouldn't get so publicly drunk. I bet if you're off duty you're allowed to drink. My parents say that it's relaxing after a long day, and I think you guys have the longest days without a doubt. I don't care what anyone else says, I hope that our taxes go to those sorts of comforts. I bet you and all your friends at the front would've enjoyed the festival. Maybe you did your own thing? Probably not. I just hope that you didn't have to fight a lot of people yesterday. Everyone deserves some type of peace, no matter how brief. On other news, I just finished reading this great book about the Sannin. Apparently one of them wrote it, so there's the problem of bias. But he didn't hold back on disgracing his friend for his betrayal. Some days I wonder if I'll even be able to stand in their shadows. I know that I'm still young, but I feel that I want to do a lot. Did you feel like that when you were younger? It was the reason why I became a shinobi. Did you have a reason? Or are you part of a clan? Hah, that would be funny. Me, writing dribble to someone from one of the four honorary clans. Or even one of the lesser ones. It'd make me all the more embarrassed about this. Anyways, I'm going to start reading more non-fiction. There have been so many famous shinobis from our village, and I know that I can learn at least one thing from each of their lives. I'm just having a hard time determining if I want to go back into the more obscure, older accounts or into the more contemporary ones. Maybe I'll switch back and forth until I meet in the middle. Do you read a lot? Maybe sometime I'll send you a book. Right now not a lot of books are printed, since the materials go to scrolls and explosion tags and everything. War really does change everything. I hope that you are still looking out for your health and safety. Until next week. . At first Sakura had not been overly concerned by the lack of a return letter. Iruka had explicitly warned her when she volunteered that this person had been abandoned before because of his habitual lack of response. Still, after she had sent out her twelfth letter and she still had not gotten anything in return, she began to feel concerned. After the sixteenth letter that went unanswered she just felt angry. But surprisingly, even to herself, she sat down and wrote a letter to this person every week. It was therapeutic in how every Saturday morning she would sit at her desk and write. Sometimes Ino wanted to go out and play on those mornings, but Sakura held firm that she wanted to stay and write her letters. Ino's dad was out there as well and the blond girl wrote letters to him almost daily. "He calls me his little piglet as my codename. I have no idea why, considering he could have just called me 'Blossom' or something actually flattering," Ino had complained about it to Sakura one day. "I named you Sunflower for my code," Sakura shared. Ino answered her with a wide, toothy smile and a tight hug that Sakura eagerly returned. So even though she was writing to a complete stranger, Ino understood that Sakura just wanted to keep writing. And keep writing Sakura did. She was fueled my a mixture of long standing annoyance that this person had not responded and that she would keep going until something finally came in her mailbox. Iruka called her one of the most stubborn people he had ever met, and also said she had probably been a little hardened by the war prematurely. But Sakura still found the time to coo after Sasuke between her studying. Sakura still somewhat resented this person from never writing back, but soon she envisioned that maybe they just physically or mentally could not do it. Yet at this point, Sakura would be happy about getting an abstract splatter ink drawing. But her annoyance became slowly eroded by the simple monotony of writing. It was relaxing and freeing in a way, knowing that the other person would not respond, no matter what she put in the letter. So she vented, shared and talked about anything that struck her fancy. Her days of intimidation by this mystery person were long gone. Despite this, Sakura hoped that whoever this was read her letters. They probably were bored with them, but Sakura had started this and she was going to keep going with them. . Good morning to you on this fabulous day of personal accomplishment. Remember how I wrote to you all that while back about getting a new teacher? Well, guess who I got? TSUNADE. (To the person screening this: it is very old information that Tsunade is Hokage. This is not new information in any way, so I request that you do not black out the name. There is no way, even if this letter is intercepted, that the enemy can glean any new information from it.) You read that name correctly (because there really is no reason to black it out). I got the honored Hokage as my new teacher. Let me just write that again- the HOKAGE. I'll call her the Slug Queen in future letters. Apparently she was there when we were screening us for abilities and she noticed my 'exceptional chakra control,' as she said so herself. I never thought that I was particularly good at that, but apparently I use the exact amount for my jutus. My training starts this week and I'm so nervous I feel that I may throw up that morning. Or even now. Really, any moment lately. While I know she's beautiful and really accomplished, she's very harsh on those around her. She demands that everyone around her live up to their full potential. I'm sure this war would have ended a long time ago in our disfavor if she wasn't our leader. I wonder what it was like living under the past Hokage like you did. It's crazy to think that the assassination of him and his wife was the tipping factor for why we started planning for war. I've read all about him, but did everyone really love him as much as all the literature says? Do you know about the myth that they had a child but hid it away because they knew war was coming and they didn't want him to be in danger? But that's just what the younger kids at the Academy whisper about, so it's obviously bogus. Anyways, back to myself (since you never respond). It's kinda sad graduating and knowing everyone's going their own separate ways. I'm really going to miss the boy I like, and even that annoying blond kid. Even the kid with all those bugs. Especially my Sunflower friend, even though she's still mad and won't talk to me anymore because I like the same boy as her. I've already been missing her for a while now. It just really feels like everyone is growing up. I just hope that we don't grow apart. Please keep yourself hydrated through this warm summer and be careful. . Sakura's training was tough, but she pushed herself through it daily. She thought about Naruto and Sasuke and how well they were advancing, and how there were rumors that maybe they could finally end this war through their raw talent and power alone. It made Sakura envious, which made her angry, which made her a little reckless. "What were you thinking trying my taijutsu like that already?" Tsunade snapped as she wrapped up Sakura's left hand. The right one was already done, and Sakura was staring at it morosely. "You could have done much worse than breaking all those bones." Sakura winced as Tsunade unnecessarily tightened the bandage; it hurt plenty enough already. As if sensing just how down and useless Sakura was feeling, the pig-tailed woman sighed and sat down beside Sakura. Tsunade wrapped her hand around Sakura and pushed her comfortingly into her impressive bossom. "I know you're seeing your friends Naruto and Sasuke succeed by leaps and bounds. But they're not learning what you are: which is how to save and protect everyone else. Without medics, and people like you who can think and make plans and then actually execute them on skill and not just raw luck alone, this war would have been long gone." Sakura sniffled pathetically. "I know it's hard, but you're doing great. I already know you're secretly doing my Strength of a Hundred Seal. And it seems unlike my ability to create valleys with my fist, you're getting that jutsu down just fine." "Really?" Sakura asked with a hiccup. "Sakura," Tsunade said with a sigh before pulling back and looking into her tearful green eyes. "Despite you being my only student I've ever had, you're also my best." The girl frowned at that. "But still, I'm not going to fully heal your hands or give you medicine to take away the pain. You need to learn your lesson about being impatient." Sakura huffed before saying: "Fine." . It was not like Sakura was helpless with two broken hands, but it was still frustrating. It allowed her to focus on strategies if she ever did get her hands incapacitated, and working on taijutsu with her legs, but it was mostly just a pain. Even little, simple tasks took four times longer than usual. She had to struggle to turn the page on her books. Sakura was forced to drink a lot of her food now. Most times she just lied around moping and storing up energy for her seal. She wondered what color it would be. If it would be the same shade as Tsunades or maybe something entirely different. Sakura did not even realize she had not written her weekly letter until her mom told her she had gotten something in the mail. "For me?" Sakura asked, a bandaged hand scratching her head confusedly. "Well, it had our address and your name, so that's what I naturally assumed. It's up in your room." She looked at it for a long time as it just innocently sat on her desk. It was a little battered, and it seemed that at one point it had gotten waterlogged, but she opened it with the excitement of a shiny, perfectly wrapped present on Christmas morning. Because it had finally happened: her mystery soldier had written back! Before she took out the piece of paper, she closed her eyes and dreamed about what she might read. Maybe there was even a clue about who they were? A fun, silly anecdote about when they'd been her age? Not being able to take the anticipation anymore, Sakura pulled it out. Why did you stop writing? She turned the page up and over, but that was it. The person had not even really signed it, and had only drawn the crude face of a scarecrow at the bottom corner on the sad. This almost entirely empty piece of paper with five scrawled words and a cartoon face did not constitute as a true letter in any way or form. Well, if anything, at least she finally had a nickname to call this person by. . Dear Scarecrow, Your first attempt at a letter was the antithesis of pathetic. But I finally have something to make a nickname for you. I did not know I was corresponding with such an obviously skilled artist. I want to thank you for finally responding back. I do not know if you have read my letters, and if so, why you have decided to remain silent for so long. First, I thought it might be because you were injured and recovering. I imagined that you had cut your hands while saving your friend from a katana, funneling chakra into your hands to stop the blow. But still you got your hands cut deep in the process, making it impossible for you to hold a pen or pencil. Then I thought that maybe it was too wet where you were stationed, as it was typhoon season and apparently the front lines were heavily hit. Didn't people nearly drown from refusing to move from a strategic river spot? Don't respond to that, they may burn your letter. Or maybe it was the winter, and you were shivering too badly that your handwriting became illegible. I imagined that you were just too busy with a war going on to write back to a silly little girl. And I realized that this was the most viable option. There was recently the Cherry Blossom Festival here again. I wrote to you about it last year. I almost can't believe it's been over a year and a half since I started writing to you weekly. No wonder I'm still in shock of your lacking response. I forget to write one week and you call me out on it while you haven't done it this entire time? Hubris: look it up. I've written you almost seventy letters and you can't even manage to give me seven words. Congratulations. Clearly you're a genius among us mortals. To show just how frivolous I am, I have included a flower I pressed at the festival. I hope that some of the sweet scent manages to stick around when you receive this. Even if you don't deserve it because it was kinda rude to make me wait that long. Fun fact: the petals are nearly the same shade as my hair. Please stay safe. . I have never had any family or friends to write back to. They are all either dead or here. Excuse my inability. . Dear Scarecrow, I apologize for my lack of finesse in my last letter. I didn't even bother explaining why I didn't write for a week either, the sole point in your own letter. I tried doing some secret, personal training of something I'd seen Slug Queen do, and ended up shattering the bones in my hands. Slug Queen healed some of the breakage, but only enough that it would heal correctly. So for the past few weeks I've been learning how to live without hands for the most part. This was actually the main reason why my letter was so aggressive. It's very painful to move my hands, but I really wanted to write a letter to you. I could have just written a bereft thing like you have the clear skill of, but I was just very excited about finally getting a response from you. Please don't feel guilty. I could have just asked someone else to write down what I said if I really needed them to. But I really don't want to do that since (even though those screeners read these before you) I feel that this a very personal endeavor for me to you. As for your lack of experience, it's really not that hard. Obviously you're able to write, and that's the biggest hurdle. The second is being able to read, but that usually goes hand-in-hand with writing. Although I honestly have no idea if you read my letters, or just simply cast them aside for another time. Yet judging by how you immediately realized I'd missed a week, I think you're more than just aware of them. Other than that, you write about anything you want. At first I was nervous, but eventually I didn't hold back. I think since you're older, you should share some anecdotes about when you were a kid. Despite our age difference, maybe we grew up with similar fashions or sayings or favorite foods. What are your happiest memories? Again, I'm sorry for my lack of sympathy in my last letter. I think I've almost fully healed my hands, so I should very soon be back to writing you novella length letters. Until next time when you respond with that scratching you call handwriting. . When I was promoted to jōnin I took on a mission that got my teammate killed. My happiest memory was realizing, as he died, that he was my best friend. I had not realized how much I loved and appreciated him until that moment. My second happiest memory was realizing I loved the girl who had made herself die at my hand. She was the girl my best friend loved and who I'd promised to protect right before he died. Please don't ask about my parents. I warned you I was bad at this. . Dear Scarecrow, I do not know what to say. I have known pain (my hands are all healed now), but I cannot even begin to imagine what that must be like. But surely those aren't your happiest memories. If not, I hope that someday you'll be able to replace them. That's not to mean that you should forget about your friends. And I don't mean to insult you by saying I don't think they want you to remember them like that. I'm supposing they were part of your three-genin group and I'm sure you went on better missions and had better days than their deaths. Apparently there was a cat that always got loose- did you and your friends ever have to chase it down? I heard the cat burned in the great fire. I had been very young during that fire, but I can still remember the heat. I wish you could tell me their names so I could go put some flowers on their graves. Maybe I'll try and research it, but it would be impossible to know if instead their names are on the cenotaph. I'm guessing your best friend is. I should go and do that always. A lot of people visit there now and there's always flowers. Maybe this will make you feel better: I saved my first life today. A boy had been training and had cut his leg clean off, and the Slug Queen let me try and reattach it all by myself before he bled out. The bone was a little tricky because the cells are more complicated, but I managed it all the same. He didn't even have a scar when I was done. Slug Queen said I did a really great job and soon I should be able to lead more surgeries so she can focus on other things. It's now been almost a year since my training began. The Queen says it's a waste of my time since I'll obviously pass, but I need to sign up for the chūnin exam. I know the usual age of passing is thirteen now. Before it used to be fifteen, but the war speeds things up I suppose. I bet you were much younger than me when you made chūnin, if you were already a jōnin still in a three-man team. I want to apologize if the beginning of my letter seemed preachy, or if I overstepped my boundaries. I have not lost any close friends to the war. I lost relatives in the great fire I previously mentioned, but I was too young to really remember them. I wish I could think of something better to cheer you up with than my own accomplishments. But it probably helps to know that the next generation has not been weakened by the war. If anything, we've become stronger. What do you do with your friends over there to kill time? Like I've said in past letters, I read a lot when I want to relax. Do you do the same? Maybe your short responses are hiding your literary prowess. They probably hide a lot. You took two weeks to respond this time. Is everything alright? I hope it is and I will be able to hear from you promptly. Farewell for now. . I can't write as fast as you, and there's not much I can tell about here other than the food is horrible. I do enjoy reading, but all my books are ruined by the rain and mold. He'll like getting flowers from a girl. He also would have been the one needing his leg reattached like that boy. Congratulations on that. . Dear Scarecrow, First, I want to thank you for responding so quickly. I asked the postman the other day how long it usually takes for a letter to get to the front lines, and it can be as quickly as two or as long as four. Sending back letters is usually quicker, only one or three days. Since your latest response arrived five days after I sent my letter, I can safely assume you dedicated yourself to a speedy response. And now you get to have a letter from me all the faster. Aren't you lucky? I'm sending you a book with this letter, if they haven't confiscated it. I don't think they would, unless the saga of 'The Dragon King' is illegal. It's really just about love, so I can't see how it would be taken away. I hope that you'll enjoy it, as I've loved it ever since I was very small. I enjoy the simplicity of the story: that not all guys who are bad have to be, that anyone with a strong, sure heart can make it through anything. The postman also said that if it fits in an envelope, he'll mail it for me. I plan to bribe him with fresh baked goods so he'll pass along larger envelopes. (Maybe even large enough envelopes that I can fit some cookies into it for those who screen it.) I will also try and find some yarn so I can knit you a scarf. It must be getting really cold out there, and it wouldn't do good to let your face get cold and for your senses to dull because of it. Do you have a color you'd prefer? I might not be able to get it, but Slug Queen does owe me a favor for attaining some more sake for her on the side. Everything over here as been fine for me. Slug Queen has put me up for more hospital shifts. At first I was a little worried about working there because I still am fairly young, but everyone there is very friendly. Also, most nurses are my age and the doctors are very old. Anyone in between is already out there with you guys, or out at neighboring villages offering aid. Also, I've started working on identifying poisons and learning how to remedy them. Apparently Slug Queen is second to none in making them, and that she says I'm fairly good at them. Not as good as my natural affinity for chakra control (I can now create an earthquake with a punch- how cool is THAT?) but if I practice and work enough I can learn how to be better. I hope that you're still trying hard out there as well. Again, I hope you enjoy the book. I know it's small and a fast read, but please enjoy. Also please be careful with it and keep it safe. It was the copy from when I was a girl. I know you're not allowed to send anything back but letters, so you'll have to keep it safe until the war ends and I can pick it back up. (Yes, this is me giving you another reason to make it through if you didn't already have enough.) Maybe you'll start responding faster and we can correspond every five days instead of seven now. Wouldn't that be nice. Goodbye for now. . It's really dreary around here (the mushrooms love it) so something bright and soft. Yellow if you can manage it? I enjoyed the book. . Dear Scarecrow, I hope you like the yellow I picked out. While I like this goldenrod shade, I think it's a little darker than what you were imagining. All the same, it is the color you requested so I'll count it as a victory. Don't you dare get blood on it! Just kidding, I can just make you another one now that I have finally gotten the hang of it. The stitches are still a little bulbous, but I like the way it looks still. I made an infinity scarf so you don't have to worry about an enemy grabbing hold onto one end to pull you down. This way it can sit quite snuggly around your neck and shoulders. I hope it's not too bulky. Last winter I tried making you a scarf, but I was not confident enough in my ability. It's a sad excuse of a thing, bright red with way too many holes and misaligned lines. You and no other will ever see just how badly I failed at my first attempt. I pride myself in being a fast learner, but this took a lot of patience. I have leftover yarn from the scarf and I tried to make you matching gloves, but like the first scarf, it did not turn out well. Although, I don't think you would cut a very intimidating sight to the enemy dressed in matching, obviously homemade knit articles. Yes, I can see through you fishing for more books. Try working on your stealth more. I'll send you another one from my collection next time, since the scarf took up all the space in this envelope. I hope that you're doing alright out there. I know that the weather is soon going to change for the worst. In my haste to finish the scarf I had to omit taking time to write up a nice long letter to go with it, so I'll try and sum up what's been happening quickly. It's flu season, so of course the hospital is in total disarray. I assisted Slug Queen in some complicated, experimental surgeries I wish I could tell you more about, but it seems I have some secrets to keep on my side as well now. I moved out of my parent's and into a quaint, old apartment closer to the hospital. I really like it so far. I got a plant. I still do not have a name for him. Any suggestions? I think that's it. Please stay warm and hydrated, remember to wear layers. During seasons like this, more soldiers die from exposure than enemies. And remember most of all: don't get sloppy or careless and get yourself killed. . Sakura's warm breath crystalized as she waiting at her mailbox, large envelope held tightly against her chest. It was snowing, but the snow simply brushed off the clear tape she had wrapped the envelope in to avoid just this occurrence. It would not do good to have her newly made scarf get soaked and then freeze. She was sure her scarecrow would not appreciate a gift to warm him coming in a block of ice. She eyed the postman coming around the bend and jumped to grab the thurmous. She poured a cup of hot chocolate and offered it to him as he approached. "Ah, good afternoon yet again, Sakura. I see you have quite a large letter for me there," he said, gratefully taking the offered cup with a smile. "If it wouldn't be too much trouble," she said hopefully. "Maybe… if you give me the rest of this delicious hot chocolate," he said with a chuckle, smile widening behind the curling steam. Sakura felt her shoulders straighten in pride before passing over the envelop and beverage container to him wordlessly. "Thank you," she said as she watched him put the package in his satchel. His smile turned a little sad for a moment before he reached forward and ruffled her hair, causing the snow that had accumulated there to drift down onto her jacket. . The scarf is perfect and all my comrades are envious. I suggest Mr. Ukki. . Dear Scarecrow, I thought about knitting you a hat, but stopped. For one, because of my inability to do so, and two, because just like the mittens, I think it would clash horribly with your cool-guy reputation and that you wouldn't wear it. Although, if you're so tickled-pink about showing up your friends, you probably would wear it just to spite them. The book I included are some old histories of the four noble clans of Konoha. I thought it was a little dated, and obviously biased in some aspects, but interesting none-the-less. I just wish it had better information on some of the newer clans and bloodlines. Slug Queen is making me do research on bloodlines and such, so I can better understand all types of patients. I'm a little fearful that all this extra assignments outside of training and the hospital is her preparing me for her position, or at least for the next Hokage's assistant. While it would be amazing to be so high-up, I mostly enjoy the hospital. I wonder what it was like to do missions outside of our boarders. I've done a few missions, but they were all safely in the village. Slug Queen says I shouldn't bother myself with such stuff when other younger, less specialized kids can do it. But I like them, and some days I dream of begin able to leave the village to travel. I cannot believe that in a few years the war will be over a decade long. Yet I believe it will not go on that long, and soon I will be able to travel. Did you travel a lot before the war? I feel that you have a lot of fun stories to tell, and probably a few are from abroad. Speaking of stories, you have never commented during the entirely of our correspondence about the war before. Maybe you think a higher-up will see your lack-luster opinion and criticize you? Although, you must have one dumb general if he thinks this war is still glorious. More likely, no information about the war can be given. Or you're thinking about it so constantly you don't want to have to write it down. Regardless, I still hope you're doing alright out there after being gone for so long: both mentally and physically. I cannot even imagine the homesickness you must go through. Although maybe it's been so long you're just numb to it all. In case you're wondering, the village has barely changed at all. Yes, people are growing up, but the buildings and businesses are nearly all still here. And they'll stay here waiting until you return. I'm sorry for feeling so nostalgic today, and if it's painful for you to think about, but I realized the other day that it's now been about three years since that first letter to you. It's hard to believe, but the drawer full of your sparse responses is evident of it. And if I have such a collection, I can scarcely imagine the horde of my letters you have. Or maybe you don't have room to keep them. I won't blame you if you didn't. I really can't wait to meet you after the war. It's happening, don't argue. We'll figure it out somehow. Also, I appreciate how your responses have become speedier. Thank you. Until my next letter. Oh, and before I forget: I told Mr. Ukki all about you and the name you gave him. He seems very happy, and similarly cannot wait to meet you. He seems a little lonely all by himself though, so I think I need to go get a Mrs. Ukki now. . I have never written about the war because there is nothing to say about it. I grew up into the beginnings of it and I'm just living through it. I will be fine. I always have been. . Dear Scarecrow, Alright there, man with a heart of immovable ice. I thought I told you to stay warm during this winter. And it's pretty obvious to nearly anyone that only those who say they're fine really aren't. But I can tell that you don't want to talk about it (or for me to try and talk about it and you just ignore the heavy hints). I did get another plant, and she is quite lovely. I think that Mr. Ukki is very happy with his pretty, young new wife. It helps him get through this cold winter, since I don't want to waste money on heating my one-room apartment. Maybe I'm being thrifty, but I'm trying to save money for when I can travel, or really just for a better time to spend it at. I have so much to do at the hospital that but the time I get back I'm dead on my feet. Recently Slug Queen started this charity program for the hospital. It takes possessions from dead shinobi, stuff their families don't want or need, and then sells it off. The money generated goes to funds for more medicine and supplies for soldiers still fighting. Anyway, there's was this fairly large section of books and I bought about eight boxes, nearly all of it. Slug Queen though it both odd and hilarious that I spent nearly an entire paycheck on dusty old books, but then she spends hers on illegal sake so whatever. She can mentor me on some things, but others I don't trust her on. What this all means is that I can now send you a book with every letter for a bit now! I know, it's exciting, calm down. Cool guy reputation right? Heart of ice that you can't allow to crack? I realize you probably won't be able to keep so many books, so you should just hand them over to your friends once you're done. I can't knit them all their own scarves, but at least this way you can help share. Although maybe they get much more than you. My Sunflower friend sends her father stuff nearly daily. It must be nice to be that loved. I wish I could send you more things. I expected to be more lonely living by myself, but it's actually not too bad. Friends come and go, and I can always just write to you if I get lonely or bored. And now the lovely Mr. and Mrs. Ukki are here to keep me company. I hope that your friends take up a ridiculous amount of time to distract you from everything. My opinion all those years ago about taxes being used to get you all properly drunk sometimes still stands unmoved. This is somewhat embarrassing, and I wasn't thinking of adding this, but I can't help it. Sometimes when I'm bored at work, or I just need to relax, I draw really bad renditions of what your face may look like. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm stupidly envious of everyone who knows you. I admit, I have always been curious. The fact that I can write to you about anything except who know who you are is infuriating to me. Anyways, I'm never including one of those doodles. Ever. No argument. For your response I eagerly await. . I wouldn't dare to share the books with the others. It's good that you can't send more than you do. I'm already indebted to you as it is. To be honest, I enjoy your words just as much as these published verses. Yes, that even includes the one time you wrote about that new flavor of yogurt you loved for two (very lengthy) paragraphs in vivid detail. You must realize you don't need to see my face to know me. . Dear Scarecrow, So I think maybe you're just acting like a petulant child unwilling to share rather than actually worrying about how your friends treat literature. You must have been an only child. It's so obvious. Onto more important matters: a seal I've been working on for the past three years has finally shown up. It's on my face, and I can't tell if I like it or not. It's a little disconcerting to suddenly have something new and obvious on your face, directly in the middle of your forehead. I didn't get to see it manifest, but when it did Slug Queen suddenly stopped and gaped at me when she was lecturing me, so it probably looked at least a little cool. And the Queen says it doesn't matter if I like how it looks or not, because it will probably save me and all my comrades lives one day. In classic mentor fashion, she told me not to get full of myself and to put even more chakra into it daily. I agree with her like almost always, but it's hard not to care about your appearance when one of your best friends is the town beauty queen. Yes, the Sunflower friend. By the way, did I ever tell you we've made up? It's extremely rewarding to see such long term investments finally begin to pan out. Sorta like your letters. I think you beat your record in that last letter. Four paragraphs, twenty sentences in total? Don't strain your hand too much now. Maybe this is as boring as when I used to droned on about my Moon friend, but boys are starting to notice me. I know that I'm older now, and my body shows just that, but it's still a little odd to feel that sensation of being watched to turn around and see guys staring at your behind. Tsunade says not to worry about it, and that if they really annoy me I can just break their ribs. There's a lot of valuable organs around there that would be a shame to get ruptured. In a way, sometimes it's fun to flirt with them and get them flustered, only to leave them just as they finally remember where their tongues are. Maybe it's cruel, but it's still entertaining. Oh god, I'm such a jerk, aren't I? This brings me back to that letter I wrote that was all about my hair routine. Maybe initially my letters had a serious tone and a vocabulary that made me seem like a stiff grandma. I don't know whether to be happy or sad that I've loosened up my writing style. Like always, stay safe mighty guard. . I admit: I thought you were a forty year old mother from your first letter. Imagine my shock finding you were an Academy student. Don't be too cruel to those poor boys. I'm sure many are falling over themselves, and they just don't know how to spot danger and and run from it just yet. Good thing they aren't out here, else they would have been gone within hours. Forget about breaking their ribs, those heal quickly enough. Break their hearts if they really bother you. That pain will last much longer. . And so the letters continued on for months and then years more. Sakura realized in utter dread that her scarecrow's letters became increasingly depressed and clipped. Sometimes she could get him to write more than a few sentences, but it kept getting harder and harder as time wore on. Yet he still made every effort to write back, and Sakura continued to gather his letters carefully in a drawer. Before she had just put them in randomly, but one day she took time away to organize them into a photo album. The responses were usually just slips of paper and easily fit into the plastic squares. Some days when she felt down, like when a patient could not be saved, or a young widow came in from malnutrition caused by heartache, Sakura flipped through them. She had not yet gone through them all individually. She was saving that for a special day. Maybe they could go over them together? Sakura had thought that she loved Sasuke, and her feelings she felt for this mystery person was akin to that, but not identical. Was it even possible to feel so strongly for a person she had never met? Not to mention she did not even know who this person even remotely was. She had only decided this stranger was a man because of his messy handwriting and clipped tone. It was a little biased based on gender, but Sakura had seen enough handwritings from doctors for some semblance of reference. Their correspondence still covered everything and anything, and always nothing about the war even if Sakura burned to know about it. To know her scarecrow faired in it, and if those enemy creatures were as horrible as soldiers said they were. But the rules were strict, and he never offered anything. Then something seemed to have recently switched for the man. Because in the past few weeks her scarecrow was channeling all that anger and aggression towards the war into his writing for her. While before Sakura had been lucky to get a few sentences, now he wrote pages. Just the other day Sakura had gotten a three-page long letter from him. True, nearly all of it was describing his ninnken and how each one was special (although all equally amazing). She had enjoyed the attached sketches of the dogs the most, which were a lot better than any of the doodles Sakrua had ever made of his imaginary face. It was a clear bribe to get one of those, but she was not giving in. He also demanded that if anything happen to him, she would have to take care of them. Right now they were still out on the field with him, but because he had no one else to fall back on, she would have to take custody of them. He even made her sign a contract in blood, which she sent back with mixed feelings of honor and worry. He assured her that his dogs already adored her on her lingering scent on the letters alone. Sakura wrote back about her life as well. Some days she could barely put a pen in her hand, when her fingers were stiff and shaking from half-day long surgeries, or had just done hours of taijutsu training with Tsunade. But she just mercilessly cracked her knuckles, bit down the grunt of pain, and filled up at least a page with her neat handwriting to send off. Her scarecrow was the same in his resilience to write no matter what. Apparently one time he got his entire right hand severed, and barely an hour after the reattachment surgery he had written her a letter. It had threatened the delicate restitching and his medic had yelled at him for a five minutes. Sakura would have yelled at him for a good hour. She stomped around her apartment yelling for that long, until a neighbor came and asked her politely to please stop making it sound like the village was being invaded. Sakura worried that her scarecrow was writing so much and so frequently because he was worried he would not be around much longer. That he had to get things out, to tell her silly things and stories, before he physically could not anymore from passing on. Still, the war carried on and his letters gave her an equal amount of hope as well as trepidation. Lately there had been a lot of soldiers brought in from the front who were too severely injured to be treated adequately there. Apparently the creatures were getting more active; Madara seemed ready to unleash himself on the world. Infiltration attempts to find his lair failed each time, only resulting in losses. Sakura watched as Tsunade became increasingly stressed; she was sure if not for that jutsu her Slug Queen would look much older than her actual age. Sakura had mixed feelings about the soldiers coming in. Half of her wanted her scarecrow to come, but the other half wanted him to remain strong and steady as he had all these days, months and years. Eventually she realized it silly to think that he would come back to get healed; he would die out there trying before abandoning it. So every time Sakura got a letter, reaffirming that he was not dead and very much alive and fighting, she felt not just a wave, but a tsunami of relief pass over her. . Dear Scarecrow, I turned sixteen today. Apparently I'm a full fledged adult in the shinobi world now. I don't feel like it. It's just all very surreal. My blond friend (or my Sun friend) gave me a gag gift of some porny literature that his mentor apparently writes. I read it, and it doesn't seem too bad despite the gratuitous descriptions at the sex scenes. I've never heard so many inaccurate nouns for 'penis.' Sun's mentor gets points for creativity at least. I thought that you might like it, so I've included it for you. Not to say that you're a pervert, but I feel that you're a romantic in some ways. And while there are sad parts in the book, overall it's uplifting. I know you'll appreciate that. And not to get sexist, but in my experience a lot of guys like porn. Anyway, it's small but I bet it'll really pack a punch for your overgrown love of romance. I hope you enjoy it. As always, please be safe. . The book was amazing. The best by far. Send more if at all possible. . My Scarecrow, I know it's impossible to miss the presence of someone you've never met, but I still cannot help but feel that with you. I wish you could have been here today for me to see just how far I've come. Anyways, I made jōnin today, and so did my Sun and Moon friends. My Sunflower friend only got a partial advancement, but she's ecstatic all the same. For entertainment to the public, they had us compete against others and the person I went against made fun of my hair to try and break my moral. I kicked him out of the stadium, and he had such grievous injuries that Slug Queen had to personally heal him. I thought she would be mad, but when I explained what he'd said about me, she laughed so hard she cried. Then she gave me a whole bottle of sake and we drank it in celebration. I don't think she should help foster my temper that has gotten a bit drastic lately. Maybe that's why I said that convoluted sentence as a start. It's kinda weird and funny being drunk. I like it. I approve. Is my handwriting different? Am I not using as many big words as usual? I wonder if you thought it weird when I was beginning to write and already knew so many. I really pride myself over my vocabulary. And I was really trying to impress you because I was so scared that you wouldn't respond or would think me stupid and hate me. But I know that you don't hate me. Maybe you even like me in some sort of way. I like you quite a lot, when I think about it. I'm getting pretty sleepy suddenly. I should metaphorically sign off before I embarrass myself even more. I really wish you were here. And again, I miss you. Until next time when I'll be sober again. Maybe. I really do like this feeling. Why aren't people drunk ALL the time? Goodnight. . They'll try sending you out here now. Promise me you won't go. Hope the headache wasn't too bad. . Dear Scarecrow, The headache wasn't the best, but it also wasn't the worst. After you've dealt with woman in labor screaming for hours, you get used to a ringing in your ears and an inability to feel like yourself for a bit. I don't know why you're so worried. I'm just a medic so even if I am involved in the war, I would just heal people in the back lines. Not that I can't take care of myself. Didn't I say I explain how I punted a guy out of an arena just for making fun of my hair? I can take care of myself. I see that you're back to your small responses. Do you not have a lot of time anymore? I enjoyed those times when you sent me long letters. Did I ever tell you I keep all your old slips of responses in a photo album? Some of your letters were too long to fit in the small plastic squares, so I keep them in their original envelopes. I'll hopefully find some larger plastic sheets soon enough. I also want to frame those sketches of your lovely ninken. Say hello and give them a nice long belly-rub for me. I'm sorry I similarly can't write as much lately. The hospital has been overrun, and Slug Queen has been stepping up the training. I feel that something is really starting to form. Until another day and letter. . You need to promise me. . Dear Scarecrow, Since you're clearly ignoring everything else I'm saying, I promise that I won't volunteer to go into the war. The Hokage says I have way too much to learn anyway before I'm remotely ready to head out there. I could make a difference if I went now, but I can change the war if I stay and continue working. But, again, you must know I'm strong and able to protect myself. I think she's planning something with my Sun and Moon friends, though. But there is no use in worrying, and I'll just have to wait. I just wish she would include me more on her plans. Did you know, I've been calling you by the same nickname this entire time because of your funny little signatures, but you have never given me one? I would be a little disheartened that you did not care if not for your speedy responses. Can you believe it's already almost winter again? I wonder if your scarf has kept up over all these years. I bet it's pretty dismal despite how well you might've taken care of it. Also, Mr. and Mrs. Ukki now have five lovely children! They were getting a little big, so I cut them back, and then thought I might try to propagate some of the clippings All the cuttings took, and now there are small little bits of themselves growing. You will obviously get one when you get back, as it is your right as their godfather. Don't argue, it was decided the moment you named him. Just think: after this war is finally done all you'll have to worry about guarding is a small plant. You can finally live up to the full potential of your nickname from me! Hopefully you can think of another winning name to give to the little tike. Me and the lovely Ukki family await for your response. . The scarf is still well, as am I since you finally agreed. I apologize, as I cannot write much but this today. Even though I know you will, do not worry. . Sakura hummed as she arranged paperwork on Tsunade's desk. She could feel the older woman's eyes on her. The full sake cup in her hand sat forgotten. Finally giving in, as she felt she may instantaneously combust any moment now by Tsunade's intense gaze, Sakura turned to her with her eyebrows furrowed in silent question. "Sakura, I need to talk to you about something," her blond sensei said with a sigh, suddenly not looking like the pillar of strength and ability she was known to be. This must be really serious if she was looking older than she liked her jutsu to show. Taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk, Sakura crossed her hands atop her lap and waited patiently for her mentor to speak. "As you're aware, Madara is nearing an end to his hibernation. Soon he'll stop with his defensive warfare and start wiping out all the villages, picking them off when they are weakened by physical separation." At the idea of her entire world disappearing, Sakura shivered. "In that vein, I have decided that we're going to do one last, final push. Naruto and Sasuke are ready to face him. I recognize it's a risk allowing Sasuke to get close to the other Uchiha, that he may be converted. But it is a risk we have to take." Sakura looked down at her lap and counted her breaths up to ten before she trusted herself with speaking. "Naruto is going to be estatic about being a hero," she said as she stood with a start, willing her tears to not fall. "No matter how much I tell him that war isn't glamorous, he is set on the idea of becoming a hero." "He's going to be alright, Sakura. You, and everyone else now, need to trust that he's ready to do this." "I'm coming, obviously," Sakura said with a huff, green eyes flashing with more than just unshed tears. "I would never leave my favorite apprentice behind when I need her the most."  


11/26/2021 01:11 PM 


WRITER'S LENGTH RANGE: Para | Multi-Para | Novel (Rare)RULESNO Erotic or Romance RP unless the following criteria are met:     - Our characters have history, we must interact in a meaningful way.     - It must make sense for the story. You cannot perv on my character for fun.     - We discuss it beforehand and come to a fully consensual agreement.NO Shorthand or Internet speak. Literacy in responses required.NO Erotic or Romance RP will be had with underage characters.NO Godmodding, Mary/Gary Sue, Zero-Weakness characters.NO rape, blatant abuse or death of my character.NO you may not demand a layout code or photo edit from me. Ask!SOFT EXPECTATIONSIf you add me, I prefer you greet me yourself. If you're shy you can just send me a gif if you want.My stream is almost always ooc, if you don't like my posts thats ok. Click the dots by my status and mute. IC ≠ OOC. My character has pieces of me but is not a mirrored extension of my real feelings. I'm fairly well separated from my art after several years of RP. If you dislike something I do, tell me. I don't mean to offend anyone or rub them the wrong way on purpose. Do not force your roleplay style on me and vice versa. Just because I reply with multiple paragraphs does not mean you are required to. Just make the actions meaningful, I tend to be more descriptive with my replies for personal enjoyment of world building.Keep your IRL drama out of our RP. If we need to pause so you can vent OOC that's perfectly fine if we have the mental space and comfort for/with eachother. Please don't use your character or mine as an emotional outlet. Show a modicum of respect for my time and effort. I'm RPing with you by choice and sharing myself in some form with you. I hate to say it, but please don't overshare about your real life to me if we've recently met. I likely don't know you well enough to sympathize/empathize in the way that you want me to. I have a lot on my plate, but you're welcome to ask if you can. We're all human.Sometimes you have to break the rules of traditional writing to get your point across. I do it and you will too. HARD LIMITSAct your age and be honest. You can get someone in serious trouble if you are underage and lie, no matter if your intentions are innocent or not. It's within my right to choose not to RP with you if you are younger than 18 for some of the stories we discuss.Gore | Violence | Sex | Malice has its limits. I'll either get bored or run out of things to say. One note RP is not fun. If your first message is in a serious way perverted or plain stupid. You're getting deleted to put it bluntly. You're suspicious to me if you have strictly females added on your page. Don't use me for ulterior motives, I'm not your play thing.GIRL vs GIRL writer energy is weird. Keep your drama out of my radar with female "competitive" pawing. BATTLES & FIGHTSI will generally play by your rules of engagement for battle or what you display to me. Some people like show and tell, throwing in details about what might be weak about the enemy or themselves. If you wish to try my rules of engagement, they are relatively extensive and will have to be explained in another blog in order to keep this blog somewhat simplistic. To summerize though, I do a "dice roll" slash turn based form of combat. I find it ends in the fairest fight result.


11/26/2021 11:53 PM 

OOC Confession

YUNGBLUD-KILL SOMEBODY I know that I should hate you, but I don't. I should hate you for talking badly behind my back and calling me self absorbed, and laughing over the fact that I "obviously didn't want to rp with you." when you knew damn well that I was dealing with family stress outside of rp. I was so hung up on you being a terrible person and obsessing over me and copying my characters look that I wasn't focused on why you would copy me as I honestly didn't care.You want to see the negative aspects of my character and obsess over all my positive traits and forget that I do have people in my corner, family, friends and lovers who are literally telling me how talented I am and how I shouldn't believe all the jealousy that is spread by you and your little circle of white knights who only agreee with you to shut you up.  In truth I can't blame them because they are afraid of confrontation over someone who aspires to be a real pain in the ass and act like a bulldog when they never get their way. I've learned to accept myself and my flaws both good and bad, I've learned to take accountability where it is due while others act like children in adult bodies and make me feel like I'm six years old again and different from the other kids because I'm more mature due to my trauma. unlike you I don't need white knights, simps or people to tell me how great of a writer I am when I have more experience than you. I should hate your guts for trying to destory the friendships I built in my RP community where I used to take people under my wing and be like "Don't worry, I'm your mom now." I've never been betrayed by someone who never knew me before, but I want to thank you because if you hadn't done what you did, said what you said I wouldn't have surrounded myself with people who actually love me and notice my talent for writing. I've also never been called a collasal cunt before over not wanting to write shota con, and wanting to focus on my significant others and their characters who usually get tossed aside and replaced by people, or who get s h i t talked because their god tier writers of their respecful verses howver, I plan to embrace it and laugh at anyone who calls me any more negative names because they don't know the real me compared to those who have spent time to get to know me instead of being impatient in regards to rp.I guess I'm a collasal cunt/ bitch because I try to get to know my fellow writers and see if our morals and desires line up and what they want out of writing with me while letting them know about my mental issues and my mental health because I'm not going to hide that from anyone as it's the biggest battle I have daily/nightly in rl. I don't tolerate petty people being rude and trying to tare others down to feel better about their sh*t show of a life either. sh*t like that gets on my nerves and I stomp it out, I don't tolerate childish behavior just because you don't agree with someone. You either act your age or get the f*** off my page, that's it. Maybe I am a collasal cunt because I don't diddle characters that look under the age of 18 as it's pedophelia due to where I live and due to my trauma of being molested at age six by a family friend who was nine and was obviously being molested themselves. (But go off sib if that makes your idiotic, ignorant blue waffle having "Heroic hopeful" ass feel better. "𝚆𝙰𝙽𝙽𝙰𝙱𝙴" really suits you because that's all you'll ever be is a wanna be second rate writer who seeks big breasted women to suckle on and play mommy to your "heroic" character. Newsflash Hun, Heroes don't talk down to "Fellow" heroes, they learn to be f u c k i n g humble and humiliated publicly if their ego gets too f u c k ing big and yours is bigger than the PP in your pants and needs to be squashed like the ant you actaully are. You're as pathetic and low as 𝘾𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙑𝙤𝙞𝙙/ℕ𝕠.𝕏𝕀𝕍/마녀 whose literally the same f u c k i n g person who's obsessed with me all because I wouldn't let my Nero or Reboot Dante sleep with her pathetic excuse for and OC Demi-Angel character, you both think you're OC's are great but they're absolute trash and I only added you both to laugh at you because you're only obsessed with your shota/loli getting laid and it's f u c k i n g disgusting when you're denied that you go "you're trash" nah huns, your both trash and need to go back to class. Sit your m o t h e r f u c k i n g a s s e s down because you just got f u c k i n g schooled. It's also trashy of you to call the main character of a franchise, the back bone of a f u c k i n g franchise a mary/gary sue for the pure fact that the writer backs my sexy AF  goth a s s which you'll never get a taste of.  It's Trashy of Her to not use my pronouns, lie to others behind my back because she wants to feel better because she has no control of her RL life outside of rp and accuse others of not writing the way she wants them to, like if she really wants people to write her way or the high way she should write fanfiction and stick the f u c k to it and quit RP like you should too because people only Ironically like you, we just laugh behind your backs at your s h i t bios and characters, we honestly don't like you. Your sad lives are NEVER going to get any better irl. And yes at least unlike you both I talk sh*t to you upfront, and defend myself because I have EVERY right to be here like the next person. However what you do not have the right to do is try to tell others to delete their accounts, call them terrible parents, play victim and gaslight just because you want in the girls pants and pine for her, like sersious dude, you both need to get laid and back the f u c k off of me.)  2022 is going to be a more self focused thing for me, having this place as a hobby and keeping my talents sharp like my claws, after all true friends stab you in the front, not the back and I am not sorry for not saying your names as they leave bad tastes in ones mouth, I'm not sorry for taking time off for myself and my mental health only to be called toxic. I'm certainly not sorry for being the bigger person and laughing and memeing the s h i t you spew on the daily as that's my normal response to online nonsense. I hope you grow and mature as your years catch up to you and that's about it. I am  moving  on and  going  to  be  the  bigger  person, going  back  to  my  god level tier writing while  you  go outside  and  touch grass or simply  die mad. Die mad because boo f u c k i n' hoo I didn't sleep with your pathetic OCBoo F u c k i n' hoo I'm embracing every terrible name you call me in the handbook which I f u c k i n g created. Boo F u c k i n' hoo I called your a s s e s out because I've had it with you trying to ride my d i c k and coat tails for clout because I'm not the queen of everything I'm a f u c k i n g God. The only person I'm not naming or giving display names for, is someone I still care about whose just emotional and thought that I abandoned them when I was going through severe depression. I'm one of those people who pushes those I give a f u c k about away during those times because I don't need people to worry about my a s s.   HERE TO STAY- KORN (MSI REMIX)

Emperor Trioculus

11/25/2021 10:45 PM 

Trioculus character history

Trioculus is one of the main antagonists of the six-book "Jedi Prince" series which ran from 1992 to 1993 and was set after Return of the Jedi.FROM WOOKIEPEDIA:Unbeknownst to him, Trioculus was the result of secret scientific experiments that were conducted at the behest of Palpatine, then Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. Under the watchful eye of Sly Moore, Palpatine's advisor, the scientists Mammon Hoole and Borborygmus Gog experimented into the spontaneous generation of life by utilizing Niobi, a woman from Bordal, as their "test subject."Initial experiments proved very unsuccessful, resulting in deformed, polycephalic homunculi with misshapen limbs. After constantly putting the matter back on the drawing-board, Hoole and Gog ended up eliminating all abnormalities in their sole successful specimen save one: a third eye, located on the forehead. The resulting mutant child was named "Trioculus."What seemed like a disability for the child could in fact have been a blessing. Indeed, the Prophets of the Dark Side knew of a legend stating that the will of the Force would produce a perfectly symmetrical three-eyed being once every millennium. More importantly, the legend added that such a being would be gifted with undeniable power and magnetism. In any event, the birth of Trioculus did not please Sarcev Quest, one of Palpatine's Force-using protégés. The newborn child and his mother Niobi were spirited away on Quest's order, and both were deported to the spice mines of Kessel, which were managed by the brutal Lord Overseer Reskell Twane.When Trioculus was still very young, his mother met an untimely death in the mines. Perhaps because of his keen intelligence, Twane felt compassion for the three-eyed orphan. He took Trioculus under his protection and even sent him to school. The boy's third eye, however, made him a target of ridicule from his schoolmates. Trioculus hated this and became obsessed with exacting vengeance on his tormentors, and over time developed a knack for spying on and reporting his classmates.In later years, Trioculus studied military tactics and history and devoted himself to learning the means of manipulation. Trioculus made few friends, but those he had were well placed. He was fully dedicated to the Empire - that and his extensive knowledge of military matters earned him the friendship of several higher-ups in the Imperial Military, including Grand Moff Bertroff Hissa. Hissa oversaw the young man's development, and under his tutelage Trioculus rose to become the ruthless Lord Overseer and Supreme Slavelord of the spice mines on his homeworld of Kessel by 0 BBY.Trioculus was infamous for his brutal methods. He worked thousands of slaves to their deaths, had thousands more killed during a revolt, and once destroyed a dam to flood out settlers who were causing problems. He also allowed glitterstim to be leaked to certain populations to keep them under control, by Palpatine's command. As an agent of the Imperial Security Bureau, he informed the organization's leadership of operations on Kessel. However, Commander Maximillian Seerdon of the ISB did not see greatness in Trioculus's future.In the wake of Palpatine's death at Endor, many of the surviving remnants of the Empire sought to take control of the Imperial state. Eventually Ysanne Isard, former Director of Imperial Intelligence, rose above the rest. In 5 ABY the Central Committee of Grand Moffs, wanting to retain their power, raised their own candidate as a rival to Isard—Trioculus. Declaring him to be the Emperor's son, they rallied thousands of Imperial leaders to join them on Kessel and hear Trioculus's claim to the Imperial throne.Trioculus's claim to inheritance of the Imperial throne was strengthened by his resemblance to Triclops, Palpatine's three-eyed son who had once been imprisoned on Kessel. As Supreme Slavelord, Trioculus had taken a special interest in tormenting Triclops, promising that in time he would usurp his role as Palpatine's son. The Grand Moffs had considered Triclops as an Imperial leader, but believing him to be insane decided that Trioculus would be more trustworthy and more willing to serve as a figurehead while the Central Committee held the real power. Though fully aware that the Central Committee was exercising their own power through his rule, Trioculus consented to this role. For their part, the Moffs showed him great loyalty in return, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the warlord.Though rumors of Palpatine having a son with three eyes had circulated through the Empire, Trioculus was the first to seemingly confirm them. His claim was supported by Grand Moff Hissa, leader of the Central Committee of Grand Moffs who ostensibly served as Trioculus' second-in-command, but in fact was the true power of the Committee. At a secret meeting of Imperials on Kessel, Trioculus was proclaimed Emperor and named the "new chosen one," referring to himself as a "Dark Lord" whose third eye granted him secret powers known to "the ancients."However, his right to rule did not go unquestioned. Many throughout the galaxy had laid claim to the throne, including Grand Admiral Josef Grunger, who had amassed a fleet of thirty Star Destroyers and one Executor-class Star Dreadnought at the planet Gargon. Additionally, Rajah Ubooki, an impostor of the Prophet of the Dark Side Kadann had made an equally false "prophecy" that the new Emperor would hold the glove of Darth Vader, worn on the hand that he had lost in his duel with Luke Skywalker, which was said to have survived the destruction of the Death Star II. Two present at the convocation, a Grand Admiral and a Royal Guard, raised this point with Trioculus; in response, he tortured them, seemingly with Force lightning. This display quickly earned him the loyalty of those present.Though most of the fleet continued to serve Isard, Trioculus had the backing of the Grand Moffs, multiple Grand Admirals and many other military leaders and warlords. He briefly had the allegiance of Grand Admiral Miltin Takel, who had his own reasons for opposing Grunger, but Trioculus had Takel executed when the spice-high admiral expressed doubt at his ability to retain power.TTo get to a rank were he could get the glove, he posed as the Emperor's son. To quiet any remaining doubts about him, Trioculus determined to find Vader's glove before any other contender for the throne did, and in doing so win the support of the false Kadann. He ordered the Moffs to begin a galaxy-wide search for the glove. He didn't find anything for a long time. As faith in Trioculus began to diminish amongst his supporters, the warlord grew desperate. However, he had a stroke of luck when an Imperial agent, Captain Dunwell, discovered several pieces of the Death Star's debris in the Valley of the Giant Oysters on Mon Calamari, one of which had revealed the outline of a glove when scanned.Trioculus and Hissa immediately set out for Mon Calamari, where they were greeted by Dunwell at his Whaladon Processing Center, a poaching operation for the native sentient Whaladon species. In his Whaladon-hunting submarine, Dunwell took Trioculus and Hissa to the site of the wreckage. Secretly followed by Luke Skywalker and Admiral Gial Ackbar in a Calamarian minisub, Trioculus retrieved the glove. When Skywalker and Ackbar's minisub was accidentally captured by one of Dunwell's Whaladon-capturing devices, Luke infiltrated the vessel and triggered its self-destruct. Trioculus and Hissa narrowly escaped, the warlord vowing to have his vengeance on Skywalker.Despite Trioculus's announcement that he had retrieved the glove, the independent Imperial forces did not immediately fall in line behind him. Grunger and COMPNOR declared that they would only give their support with the official blessing of Kadann. Trioculus and Hissa traveled to Space Station Scardia, the headquarters of the false Prophets, to meet with the Supreme Prophet. Once Kadann forced Trioculus to reveal that he was not, in fact, Palpatine's son, he promptly named him Emperor and gave him his dark blessing.Kadann had another prophecy for Trioculus; the Jedi Prince Ken, he said, would destroy Trioculus if Trioculus did not destroy him first. He counseled Trioculus to find Ken in the Lost City of the Jedi on Yavin 4, though he knew the warlord would never succeed.Trioculus set out in his Strike-class cruiser for Yavin 4. Upon arriving at the moon, he dispatched an explosive-lined probe droid to a meeting of the Senate Planetary Intelligence Network, to whom he issued an ultimatum; if they did not provide the location of the Lost City, he would detonate the droid. Luke Skywalker, present at the meeting, quickly disabled the probe and its detonator, forcing Trioculus to resort to his backup plan: burning down the forests of Yavin 4 until he found the city's entrance.Trioculus had had devices installed in the glove of Darth Vader to simulate the effects of the Force; they had been taking their toll on his health ever since then, and during the attack Trioculus found himself suddenly struck blind. A Ho'Din named Baji living on Yavin 4 seemed to be the only solution, and Trioculus had him apprehended. Baji informed him that the rare kibo plant, found only in the rapidly burning forests of the moon, could cure him. While obtaining it, Trioculus was burned and badly scarred. He eventually decided to remove the true glove and replace it with a replica.In the meantime, the Rebels rallied, used the moon's weather control system to quench the fires, and destroyed all but one of Trioculus's ships. The warlord and his coterie retreated. Trioculus again swore vengeance, this time upon the entire New Republic—with the exception of Leia Organa. His plan foiled, Trioculus placed a large bounty on Ken.In the middle of the crisis, Ysanne Isard arranged for the release of Jabba the Hutt's father Zorba Desilijic Tiure from prison to use as an unwitting agent.Meanwhile, intent on securing his Empire, Trioculus ramped up production of war matériel. One such operation was a massive factory barge located near the core of Bespin, mining the gas giant's Rethin Sea to use in the production of weaponry and ammunition. Though the amount of air pollution this facility produced drew complaints from Lando Calrissian, Baron Administrator of Cloud City, the warlord was not fazed, threatening an invasion if Calrissian did not capitulate.While on Bespin visiting Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and his sister Leia Organa accidentally stumbled upon the factory barge. When they approached the huge craft to reconnoiter it, they were shot down, and Leia was taken captive. From the moment Trioculus saw Leia, he had been smitten with her and wanted her to join him in matrimony. Now that he had her as his prisoner, he set about attempting to win her over.Zorba, meanwhile, had taken over Cloud City from Calrissian. Having learned of Leia Organa's complicity in the death of his son, Zorba got wind from an Imperial spy that she was being held by Trioculus. By coincidence, Trioculus's own target, Ken, had been arrested shortly before by Cloud City's police. Seeing an opportunity, Zorba arranged a meeting to negotiate with the warlord. When Trioculus interrogated Ken to assure himself that it was, in fact, the correct boy, he discovered that the danger Ken posed lay in what he had learned from the Jedi library in the Lost City; Ken was aware that Triclops, and not Trioculus, was the true son of Palpatine.Trioculus demanded that Zorba give him the boy, and Zorba named his price: that Trioculus remove his factory barge from Bespin and hand over custody of Leia Organa so Zorba could take her life in revenge. The latter was unacceptable to Trioculus, and he ordered his stormtroopers to attack. Zorba, however, was prepared, and his greater force of Cloud Police overwhelmed Trioculus's troops and seized the Imperial leader. Trioculus was transported to the same carbon-freezing chamber that Han Solo had once been frozen in. Though he made a last-ditch attempt to bribe Zorba, offering him a share of power and the rank of grand admiral, it was to no avail, and the Hutt had Trioculus encased in a slab of carbonite. He placed the warlord's frozen body in the Figg & Associates Art Museum under heavy guard, keeping him as a hostage to prevent any Imperial retaliation.Trioculus having failed in his mission, the false Kadann now seized the opportunity. From Scardia Station he revoked his blessing of Trioculus, declaring himself the new Emperor. The Central Committee, in the meantime, were working to get Trioculus back. When Zorba left Cloud City for Tatooine, chief of police Muskov alerted the Imperial forces in orbit of Bespin. Bribing the museum guards, they retrieved Trioculus's body, but before they could thaw it, a vessel of the Prophets arrived, the false High Prophet Jedgar on board. Jedgar demanded that the moffs relinquish Trioculus; as leverage, he blackmailed Hissa with damaging information the Prophets' agents had collected. Trioculus was handed over and taken to Scardia Station.When Trioculus's slab arrived at Scardia Station, Kadann and the Prophets had it taken to the station's neutron furnace and exposed it to the furnace's deadly rays. Their heat was such that the block was entirely vaporized, leaving no trace of it or Trioculus. To the Prophets and Moffs, it appeared as though Trioculus were dead.As it turned out, both parties had been deceived. The block Zorba had displayed in the Cloud City Museum had been a replica. The real body of Trioculus was kept in a hidden compartment on Zorba's ship, the Zorba Express. It was not until the Grand Moffs' Moffship intercepted the Express over Tatooine, intending on avenging themselves upon Zorba for capturing Trioculus, that they found it. Having obtained it, they quickly set about reviving their Emperor. Once free from the carbonite, Trioculus learned that the Prophets had betrayed him, cursed them, then prepared to have his revenge on Zorba. Zorba stalled Trioculus, however, when he informed him that he had Leia imprisoned. Trioculus promised to free him if he gave her location.When Trioculus found Leia, her feelings towards him had not changed. However, after Trioculus threatened to return her to Zorba, she decided that the warlord was preferable. Taking this as a sign, Trioculus told Hissa to make preparations for a wedding. Then, breaking his vow with Zorba, he had the Hutt thrown into the Great Pit of Carkoon. Trioculus had Leia watch, believing this would make her grateful to him and make her accept her own darkness when she saw how much pleasure she took in Zorba's death. This did not seem to be the case, but he nonetheless assigned a detail of stormtroopers to Leia and left to prepare for the wedding.For some time, the New Republic had had a project in the works at the Defense Research and Planetary Assistance Center on Dagobah: Project Decoy. Its goal, per its name, was to create a decoy for Leia, and the product was a Human replica droid in her image. In addition to being able to distract enemies from the true Leia, the droid was also armed with lasers in its eyes.A New Republic party, including Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and the Leia droid, made their way onto the ship while the rest of the crew was distracted by Zorba's execution. They ambushed Leia's stormtrooper escort and took their armor, then, replacing the real Leia with the droid Leia, escaped from the Moffship. When Trioculus summoned Leia for his wedding, it was in fact her droid double.Though Trioculus noted that Leia's escort was gone, he was simply pleased that she had apparently acquiesced. Trioculus and Leia approached the altar, Grand Moff Hissa behind it. As Hissa began to read from the Dark Book of Imperial Justice, the Leia droid suddenly opened fire from its eyes, shooting Trioculus in the chest. Hissa pulled a blaster and destroyed the droid, and MD-5 and several medical droids quickly tended to the fallen Trioculus.His wounds were too great, however. The door into the room was locked, and rumors immediately began to spread throughout the vessel of Trioculus's fate. In his last minutes, the dying Trioculus warned Hissa of Kadann's ambition, and made him vow to destroy Luke Skywalker. Hissa promised, and in that moment the Emperor died. Trioculus was cremated and his ashes launched into space in four containers, each sent out in a different direction. 

Queen Ankha

11/25/2021 06:16 PM 

List of People who treat you like a number 'BEWARE'

I have honestly gotten sick and tired of people who add you, say a few greetings and words then decide to ignore you to the end of time, its rude and its really gotten me angry...noone should be treated like this, there are 'good' people here who like to come to this place to enjoy a fun story, not to have their time wasted by those who clearly do it on purpose, thus I am naming and shaming people here from now on who I know are those kind of people. More will continue to be added if they treat others the same way.𝓜𝓮𝓰𝓾𝓶𝓲 𝓚ô𝔃𝓾𝓴𝓮 - (Spits out the same message to every single person then ignores you, waste of time)VelveteenRabbit - (Seems willing to do a roleplay together with you, but the second she asks if you are comfortable with her packing and you say no, she stops talking to you, offered to send a starter to the story we were meant to start, but....nothing.)

time wasters, trolls, numbers


11/25/2021 02:42 PM 

don't touch me

don't touch medon't touch mei don't trust youi don't like youi'm sorrynodon't walk over herestop following mei can't--stop thati don't like thatno. 


11/25/2021 02:22 PM 

don’t want to fall for a woman like me.

You don’t want to fall for a woman like me.I have scars marked so deep that you can not see.They are hidden away, buried beneath the skin,How would I show you? Where would I begin ?Do I begin at the start? Back to early years?Do I begin explaining? What’s behind my tears?Do I begin to uncover, each scar of my past?Could I choke back warm tears, long enough to last?If I began at those early years, showed them first?Would it be easier? As they were the worst.Would those that followed, not be difficult to show?Would you still be the same? Even after you know?Maybe once you’ve heard, and being able to see.You may understand the reasons why I’m just me.You’d start to understand, why I appear to be cold.Learning each scar has a story, a secret untold.Would you still look at me in the exact same way?Would I still be as beautiful? As you saw me yesterday?Do you still see that woman? That appears so strong?Or a woman that’s weak? After being strong for too long.Then could you still fall for a woman like me?If I was to bare my soul, for only you to see.If I told you how my innocence, was taken away?Stolen more than once, then would you still stay?Could you still hold me? And never let me go?If I shared the painful truth, about years long ago.Days and then months, slowly turning into years.When I lay there in silence, freeing the hardest tears.Each night laying alone, fear became my friend.How long would it last? Would it ever end?I was just a young girl. Laying frozen by fear.Brown eyes tightly closed whenever I felt he was near.I would force them closed, to pretend I was sleeping.Laying like a statue, my heart would quicken it’s beating.I’d let out a tear, for the sting to burn my cheeks.Year after year passed by, this secret I did keep.One that was so deeply feared, so it went on untold.It began aged five, continuing until turning twelve.This age came with change, from a girl to young miss.Even then, four years later, it never left my lips.Years went on and I saw changes and I learned.All things right and wrong, soon the tables had turned.Twisting and turning, in time that table did fold.It left me broken, so my secret was told.Word by word I spoke of the painful truth.Of how a man I had trusted had stolen my youth.I lost people that I loved, eventually my family fell apart.Most looking away in disbelief, another scar etched on my heart.This man was adored, even loved and respected.He was battling an illness yet fought longer than expected.Each year he fought on, the more I had struggled to hide.We were told only months but in years he fought five.Retaining all of his dignity, it was too hard to bare.He wasn’t deserving after stealing mine all those years.Why should I care? Or allow him that right?Did he stop to care? When I had nightmares each night?He had taken so many dreams, I was forced to see.From an unfortunate age, life is a harsh reality.Behind closed doors after a truth was finally spokenI appear to be grown yet I’m a girl still broken.Broken by betrayal, emotional victim of pain.I refused to allow ‘victim’ , to be apart of my name.Over time I found strength, I stood my ground.I didn’t prove my truth, eventually people came around.With each year that passed I grew to be strong.I stopped crying and forgave him because I did no wrong .I have good days and bad days, the nights can be dark.But I’m here, I survived, I’m a warrior at heart.A warrior knows who to trust, knows who really cares.That’s the reason for sharing my scars and my fears.Since I heard, I felt the words that you speak.Now with my scars, you have my heart to keep.My heart in your hands and the scars you will see.Do you still want to fall for a woman like me?Do you still want to be there in my best days and my worst.Now I’ve bared my soul to show my deepest scar first?.... 


11/25/2021 02:15 PM 

Silenced by Shame

I was sexually abused,For years I felt dirty, empty and used.There were times I felt I wouldn’t make it out alive. I learned an important skill.It was how to survive.I was shown a side to life,No child should be forced to see.The fear and the shame silenced my voice. Until the day I realised I had done nothing wrong. My abusers were to blame.It was they who had committed these awful crimes.I had to shout out loud time after time.Tried to make them all listen whilst taking the blame. It was hard, and the cost felt high.Abandoned by family and feeling alone. This was my time to feel important.To take care of me like no one else had done. To remember me, that innocent child.I deserve to take back my life, it is mine. The guilt and the shame,they were never mine.I am no longer their victim! I made it out alive!I am here!I am strong!And I bloody survived! 


11/25/2021 02:12 PM 

Like a dog

Have you heard the term grooming?We do it to dogs.But the grooming to which I refer,is a far more dangerous kind.Have you an old family friend?An uncle? A teacher?Maybe even a dad.It just doesn't sit right,the things that they say.They give you a gift,you hang out for a day.But when the fun ends,you see you're not friends.They want something in return.They gain all your trust,then blow it away.Sometimes you can't even tell.They make you feel pretty.Tell you you're mature.Give you special privileges.Make you owe them one.But the debt is much different to pay.It starts off with hugs.Sprinkle in some kisses.Then they want you to wear that blouse,the one that's revealing.They creep into your life,so slick, barely noticed.But surely this was planned.I can't remember a time this didn't happen.Did this happen back when I was only seven?I don't know. I don't know.He holds the power.Brandishes it like a knife.Ready to stab, upon my flee or flight.What can I do besides cry in the night?I played along, it was fun at first.So who can I run to when I brought this upon myself?So, wearing that blouse, tight pants, and painted nails.I sit here weeping, and telling my tales.Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. Children and young people who are groomed can be sexually abused, exploited or trafficked. Anybody can be a groomer, no matter their age, gender or race.  

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